“To face death is to surrender parts of oneself, fragments that never return. In that final closeness, you lose the person you were, leaving behind a hollow shadow, a quiet, haunted echo of the life you once knew. Death doesn’t just take us; it changes us, leaving us half-ghosts to the living—a memory of something forever lost.”
– Jayden Pierre
The sky was a dull, bruised gray, hanging low over the cemetery as if pressed down by some unseen weight—a stark contrast to the warmth June was meant to bring. Rain fell steadily, cold and persistent, threading through the air and soaking the mourners gathered around the open casket. They stood like shadows, faces pale and blurred by mist, their expressions unreadable as they looked down at the figure within.
Kei remained on the edge of it all. He tried not to look, tried to keep his gaze fixed anywhere but there—but it kept drifting back, pulled toward the body lying so perfectly still.
Marin.
The girl who had once filled his world with warmth lay before him, beautiful even in death. Her face was pale, delicate, almost unreal, as if carved from porcelain. In stillness, the resemblance to her younger brother felt sharper, more striking than it ever had in life. Her dark hair clung to her cheeks, slick with rain, framing her features with a quiet elegance. Her lips held the faintest blue, a subtle mark of what had taken her—of what she had done.
Kei’s chest tightened.
For a moment, he forgot the cemetery. Forgot the wet ground beneath his shoes, the muffled sobs around him. All he could see was her face—serene, untouched by pain, so deceptively alive that it felt wrong to think of her as gone. In the dim light, she looked as though she were only sleeping, caught in some forbidden, dreamlike rest from which she might wake at any second.
He wanted to believe that.
Death had given her a twisted kind of grace, a beauty so still and complete it hurt to look at. He hated himself for noticing it, for feeling drawn to her even now. Even knowing the truth, he couldn’t look away.
Because he knew. He couldn’t escape it.
Marin hadn’t died by chance or illness. She had taken her own life, and the weight of that knowledge pressed down on him harder than the rain. He felt it in his shoulders, in the tightness of his throat, in the heavy silence stretching between the casket and the crowd. She had been hurting. Suffering quietly. And none of them—not him, not anyone—had seen it clearly enough to stop her.
He had failed her.
The thought lodged itself deep in his chest, sharp and unyielding. He hadn’t been there when she needed someone most, and he knew it was a truth that would follow him long after this day was over.
“Marin…” The name slipped from his lips like a prayer, barely louder than the rain.
He wanted to reach out. To touch her face, to feel the cold and force himself to accept what his mind refused to hold onto. But his hand stopped midway, hovering uselessly in the air. His fingers trembled as if some unseen force held them back.
If he touched her, it would be real.
And he wasn’t ready for that.
His gaze drifted lower, settling on her hands folded neatly across her chest, arranged with care, like a statue laid to rest in some ancient chapel. In that stillness, she was no longer the laughing, vibrant girl he had known. She was something else entirely—something distant, complete, and unreachable. Rain traced slow paths down her skin, glistening like tears, and Kei struggled to draw in a steady breath.
Movement behind him made him turn.
Sugei stood at his side.
He looked as pale as his sister, his face stripped of its usual warmth, his eyes dark and hollow. There was an emptiness in his gaze that unsettled Kei—a depth of grief that felt vast and bottomless, stretching far beyond anything words could reach. Sugei looked unreal, too, like he was already halfway lost to the mist curling around them.
Kei swallowed hard. Without thinking, he reached out and gripped Sugei’s arm, grounding himself in the contact. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice breaking under the weight of it. “I’m so, so sorry, Sugei.”
Sugei turned slowly. For a brief moment, something flickered across his face—pain, disbelief, something darker and heavier than grief alone. It looked as though he might speak, might finally let something escape. Instead, he lifted his hand and gripped Kei’s fingers in return, his hold tight, almost painful.
Then he let go.
Sugei stepped forward, each movement deliberate, heavy, as though something unseen was pulling him toward the casket. He knelt before it, sinking down into the wet earth without hesitation. Mud stained his knees, rain soaked through his clothes, but he didn’t seem to notice.
He leaned closer, his face inches from Marin’s.
His body trembled, shoulders shaking under the strain of holding everything in. But no sound came—no sob, no cry. It was as if grief had stolen his voice entirely, leaving him kneeling in silence before the sister who had once been his light.
Kei watched, his heart twisting painfully.
Sugei didn’t look away from her. He couldn’t. Where Kei had tried to turn from the truth, Sugei faced it head-on, eyes fixed on her still form as if refusing to let her disappear. His fingers hovered just above her folded hands, shaking as they lingered there.
He didn’t touch her.
Not because he couldn’t—but because he wouldn’t.
Something about her felt sacred now, set apart in death. To reach out felt wrong, like crossing a line that could never be undone.
In that moment, Kei understood.
Marin’s death had broken something inside Sugei. Losing a sister wasn’t just loss—it was the tearing away of a part of himself, a piece he would never get back. Kei felt it in the hollow look in his friend’s eyes, in the way he knelt as if bound there, unable to move forward or back.
He wanted to pull Sugei away. To save him from whatever edge he stood on.
But he knew it was already too late.
The rain eased, softening into a fine mist that drifted around them like a shroud, blurring the shapes of the other mourners until they faded into nothing. It felt as though the world had narrowed, leaving only the three of them behind—Kei, Sugei, and Marin—trapped in this quiet, desolate moment.
Nearby, Kukui stood frozen.
Her face was pale, her eyes wide, fixed on the scene before her with an intensity that bordered on fear. Her lips parted slightly, as if she were about to say something—to call out, to interrupt, to break the stillness.
She didn’t.
Her hands curled into fists at her sides, nails biting into her palms. Whatever thought crossed her mind vanished just as quickly, swallowed by the weight pressing down on her chest. Slowly, she took a step back, then another, retreating into the mist as if distance might dull the ache tightening inside her.
She turned away.
Sugei remained kneeling, head tilted upward now, lips moving soundlessly as if he were speaking to someone only he could see. Kei felt a chill trace its way down his spine as he watched, unsure whether Sugei was praying, pleading, or simply refusing to let go.
The sky darkened overhead, and Kei knew—deep in his bones—that this would be their last memory of her. Marin, lying serene and untouched in her casket, beautiful beyond reach, frozen in a moment time would never claim.
Forever bound to them by death.
As he looked down at her pale, motionless face, the urge rose again—sharp and desperate—to say her name, to call her back to the lives she had shattered by leaving.
“Goodbye, Marin,” he murmured, the words nearly lost to the mist.
There was no answer.
Only the soft patter of rain, and the endless, hollow silence of the dead.
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,742 Reviews
This isn't going to be a review. I realise how unlike me that is, but I have my reasons. Since time immemorial, there has been but one problem with me- I don't read and it reflects in my writing quite clearly. I began reviewing as an excuse to read but I get distracted by the Green Room so often. I finally decided to separate the two. I'll read some works for my own pleasure here, and others to review and help budding writers with some suggestions. I've picked this series of yours as the first novel for me to read, given its overwhelming praise everywhere. That being said, I'm not totally against reviewing some future chapters if need be. But this time, I'll not be reading just to review and not jump as you publish a new chapter just to get the maximum points. It's been a vicious cycle and I'm using this chance to break free of that.
You write so beautifully. I'm sure enough people have told you that already but I couldn't just not say it. Even through the screen, I could feel the impact of the connection you established. The grief is raw, the characters diverse in their coping mechanisms to loss. I don't think any piece of writing has hit me this deep and it was just the prologue! Your skill is genuinely insane. The holy wall you built around Marin looked so real. I could visualise the scene going down in real life, so vivid is the description. The quote you added at the top? Chef's kiss, so befitting. If this was just the teaser, I can't wait to read what more you've got to share. I know it's only the beginning, but feel free to ask me for however many points you need for this project. I don't care if I need to send over 200 points everytime you're ready with a new chapter, I'll gladly do it to read such a moving work. Want to commision a cover for the series? I wish I could've offered but my art skills are mediocre at best. But you can ask any talented user and I'll cover the points they need for it, no problem at all. I'll literally spoil you to whatever length you ask to keep feeling what your writing does to me. I've never personally dealt with a loved one's death and still I felt like I could resonate, such is the power your pen yields. I deeply regret not starting with this story earlier. You're doing an excellent job and I'm very eager to find out where the story leads us. Thank you for coming up with this, I can see it quite possibly changing my life if you keep at it.
Omg, Alex. Thank you truly.
This means more than I can explain, especially knowing you%u2019re choosing to read for yourself and that you picked my story for that. I am happy that you find my words so engaging.
I%u2019m really glad the prologue resonated with you.
And I couldn't possibly ask you for something so big like points or anything like that. Just you wanting to read it because it moved you is more than enough to entice me.
Thank you for giving it a chance.
I am so sorry, but I didn’t realise there’s also a prologue. Why are you so confusing YWS Q_Q
Oh Marin and Sugei are siblings. I …somehow never registered that!
As usual, the prose is wonderful and descriptive. I like how I’m immediately immerse and don’t really feel like commenting and only like reading on :3
That said, isn’t it a slight discrepancy if Marin’s lips have a touch of death but her face is still “looking” alive.
Huch is it rly okay to touch someone in a casket?
Hm I feel like this sentence here: “Kei’s mouth went dry as he looked at Sugei,“ and the rest of it feel a little like…. A continuity error. Considering he’s already looking at Sugei from 2 sentences before. So maybe a reminder that this… is him continuing to look at him and in that process, the mouth turns dry etc might work?
The fact that Kei already described his own experience with this as if Marin’s untouchable makes it more noticeable that you use the same thing for Sugei too. He, like Kei, feels like Marin in death is untouchable. While that can work as a parallel between the two, it doesn’t really feel like it. Like, there is not enough… surrounding framework (prose-wise). Instead as it is now, it feels like a repetition?
I appreciate the context and more insight into the important characters surrounding Marin and her death. I also really like the phrasings, and descriptions :3
That said, having read this after ch1 (because of course. Why YWS, why…), I don’t quite feel like this prologue is all that necessary. The grief and trauma come across just as clearly in Ch1. The only one really missing from this is Kukui and she only gets a paragraph here.
This prologue absolutely gutted me the rain-soaked funeral, Marin’s stillness, and Sogeti's silent devotion all felt painfully real. It’s raw, haunting, and beautiful in the way it captures grief like a living, breathing thing.
Hi there and welcome to YWS! Happy Review Month. I saw the genre mystery and suspense, and honestly we dont get a lot of those so it caught my eye as a fan of those genres. Since it's my first review for you ever I like to let you know that I tend to go chronologically but also give overall thoughts at the end. I try to be honest and direct without being a jerk xD so, let's jump in!
I have 3 big thoughts overall
1. I love the somberness and tone. Using weather is an easy but effective way to convey mood and emotion. I like that no one says much of anything because what is there to say? My only nagging question with that though, is that if this is a murder story [presumably who killed Marin] no one seems angry. Anger is already a normal human emotion to loss and grief, and if people know she was murdered I think it would be even more evident in at least one of her friends, presumably Kei as our protagonist.
2. You have a very specific cadence to your writing that I picked up on, and to me it felt overdone and repetitive. It doesn't need to be eradicated but sentence structure variation helps with flow and reader attention. For example:
Every beginning gets this descriptive echo. Sugei let go and walked...each step heavy. Sugei knelt before...a dark figure. Fingers pressed the earth....face away from Marin's. Every action gets this follow-up that feels almost poetic in nature, but it happens a LOT and it feels like no sentence cane just say 1 thing and be done. There's always an adjective or explanation of it.
You can see it a lot with your use of "that". As in "X was y that bordered on z". "X did y that looked like z". Same thing with "as he". It shows up 8 times and "as her" shows up 1 time. That's a lot for just 1 chapter.
3. I didn't get hooked - two thoughts here. One, a prologue should tell information that we can't otherwise find out through discovery in the world as the story progresses, or if it's a POV that we won't be following the rest of the book. Kind of like how in murder mysteries we may start on the victim to build suspense, but obviously they die and we never seen that pov again. So, im not sure that this needs to be called a prologue.
Secondly, there's nothing here that snatches me. Yes a person is dead and she is ethereal (almost creepily) in death and her friends are sad. But like...now what? There's 0 hint of foul play or guilt among the friends as though maybe one of them did it. There's nothing at the end that says where Kei will go next or why we care. No vow of justice, no rage for the injustice. Nothing here tells me why I should keep reading, it just feels like im watching a funeral.
Mind you, I dont think you need a ton to hook us. It could be as simple as 1 line to close the chapter along the lines of "someone murdered my best friends fiance, and im going to find who it was." Concersely, you could fill it in slower throught the prologue so as to not info dump but also not leave us in the dark.
I will keep reading! As i said im interested in the genre and looking to follow more large projects on here. I hope this helps
~Messy
Hello!!
Thank you for taking the time to read through my work, and I love hearing your thoughts on it.
Firstly, it seems that I should have been more careful with my genre choosing, while there is a mystery element later on the story definitely is more towards a drama/literary. Especially as it must be states that Marin was not murdered. That was a huge oversight on my hand.
I will definitely work on the prologue more to see to it that it hooks more!
Hello! This is really beautiful. The writing is amazing, I am very inspired. This is a great introduction of characters. What sticks out to me the most is how descriptive the feeling is, so perfectly. I really feel like I am right there and can see each scene. It such a good prologue! I am on the edge of my seat to see how Marin died, who she was and what her relationship with Kei is. I want to know who Kei and Sugei are too. The feeling is so mysterious, cozy, feels like red velvet. I would love to see the rest of this, showcasing thriller and mystery that you’ve already executed so well.
Good luck, writer!
ITS SO GREAT TO HEAR FROM YOU DRSTELLAPEPPER!
Thank you for your amazing review and comment, I am glad you were able to read my story. I like to be descriptive when I write, the ability to feel like I am there with my characters is important to me. Don't worry though, there is more chapters to this story, a lot more!!!
I hope it can live up to your expectations!
Hello! This is really beautiful. The writing is amazing, I am very inspired. This is a great introduction of characters. What sticks out to me the most is how descriptive the feeling is, so perfectly. I really feel like I am right there and can see each scene. It such a good prologue! I am on the edge of my seat to see how Marin died, who she was and what her relationship with Kei is. I want to know who Kei and Sugei are too. The feeling is so mysterious, cozy, feels like red velvet. I would love to see the rest of this, showcasing thriller and mystery that you’ve already executed so well.
Good luck, writer!
Hi RatHat! I'm so excited to review your first work! It's me, CATS! This looks so interesting, you know? Let's start!
I love how you started it off with a famous quote. I don't see much of that around here, so unique! This person must've been great. Tells us what your story is going to be about. Moving on to the rest!
The sky really sets the mood. A dark gray is gloomy and full of sorrow. I'm ready for an emotional story
This is so sad. Kei is full of memory, maybe Marin is the girl he loved. From her description, she is beautiful. Kei seems like a nice person as well. He remembers the great times they had together. So full of sorrow. Well done!
Ah...the feeling of grief. It's always full of pain. Kei is experiencing loss, and he feels so alone, wondering if this was a dream. Poor Kei, losing someone that was so full of life before.
This part touches me so much. Makes me want to cry. You know an author is a good one when he or she knows just how to engage the reader. The fancy words and details is extraordinary. Fantastic!
It seems like Kei wants to join her just to be with her. He's about to cry. THAT IS SO SAD!!! Marin seems like such a nice girl! I wonder what happened...
A comforting gesture. Sugei is really a great friend. They are in this together. Sugei seems to be suffering more then Kei! Your details are so good. Kei and Sugei are best friends, I find that touching too.
I wonder...was it Kei's fault that Marin died? I am very curious to why he said sorry to Sugei. Was Marin Sugei's lover or Kei's? What was she like?
Grief...the iconic feeling of sorrows. Grief can weigh someone down, even drive them into depression. It can change them completely. I hope they would be alright! Great job so far, I'm really liking it for a first!!!
Marin was sure loved so much by both of them. Grief had finally overwhelmed them. Marin seemed like such a nice girl...maybe both Kei and Sugei loved her. Love triangle, perhaps?
Aww...I feel so bad for them both. Sorrow has claimed them already. I hope they can find the strength to move on from Marin, accept that at least, she is at peace. RIP, dear Marin.
The weather is now contributing to their loss, like it is crying too. Love how you put this. Kukui, a new girl to the story is now introduced. Marin sure has lots of friends. Hmm...makes me wonder if Kukui was responsible for her death...maybe in the next paragraph will tell.
Good choice, Kukui, to leave them alone. Give them space. Always a great choice. I hope Marin is at peace. She left her friends with nothing but her body. I hope they will all be okay and strong. RatHat, your writing is so emotional. It has lots of potiential.
Ah, we reached the end, my friend! The rain really sets the mood. I hope Marin can hear their grief and comfort them somehow. The last glimpse of their best friend must be hard to see.
OVERALL: I think, to conclude this review, that you are a great writer. You really know how to make the readers engaged and feel like that they are in the story too. As I was reading this, I felt a burst of emotion inside me, like I was standing there in the rain with them. This is a special talent that not all writers have, so use it well! The only thing is that I hope you will write a sequel or perhaps a backstory. It's not clear what happened before, like how did Marin die? Who's fault was it? Was it an accident? Did she have a boyfriend, like Kei? There is yet a lot of questions to be answered, I would love to see more of this. I am excited to review more of your works, RatHat!
Happy Writing!
Sincerely,
CATS
Hi CATS,
Thank you for responding and reading my story!
Your review was very detailed, i enjoyed reading all of what you thought and wanted to say! Greif is a heavy aspect of this story and it affects the characters a lot. Marin is beloved by all, and especially Kei. There are many more chapters to post! There is more to their story so don't worry!!
YESSS CAN'T WAIT FOR MORE