It was clear in her mind - where she was, who she was and where she was going. She could see it if she tried to - through the inky darkness and the sudden bumps on the road beneath her - it was a haven she was reaching out for, and it was a calm uncertainty she got. She couldn't see ahead of her - just the outline of the dark trees that showed her that she was moving, that she wasn't at a standstill. She should just stop, but a familiar sound in the distance pulled her along and she drove. She drove until there were no more trees, but sand; until there was no more noise but the sound of the ocean crawling back and fort against the shore. Just as it had done every day of its life. She wished there was the same kind of certainty in her life as the ocean's - the certainty of reaching shore no matter how far out she had been, the certainty of coming back, of finding her way home.
She pulled her keys and stepped out on the sand. It was a lonely night and she could see the few points of light hiding in the sky if she really tried to. She left her shoes by the car and walked out towards the water. So many games they had played on that beach, so many castles they had built in that sand, so many memories they had made when they had been different people.
She wondered if the ocean remembered it - their laughter, their games, their secrets, their innocence. Her father used to say that it was always safe to tell secrets to the sea. It never lied, never betrayed, it just held you to it and kept it safe until you wanted it back. But then again her father used to say he would always stay with them and he was dead, wasn't he? So maybe nothing is permanent, nothing is final.
She hugged herself tight as a wind blew past her face, pulling her hair back. As much, as she loved the sea, she was afraid of it. There was something very unstable about the water, the way it carried you back and forth, leaving you ever uncertain of where you stand, and she didn't like it. She was the only one of her siblings who had never taken a swim in the sea. No one understood because the sea was like a home to them, an extended family all of them always came back to.
But not him. Her father always looked at her like he knew something she didn't. And he would take her hand and walk her into the water until they were waist deep. But the funny thing was, all those times, she never felt like he was the one guiding her, rather she felt the other way around. Instead of her hand being in his, she always felt his hand in hers, and she knew she could run back if she wanted and he would never stop her. That gave her a sense of control and confidence nothing else in life had.
She shivered. It was dark tonight unlike those sunny warm days in her memories. The water was cold, she flinched the first few times it touched her feet until it stopped mattering. She thought of the drive there and the tears she had barely controlled then. They seemed to have lost their way now. Just like her. But it was okay. She had something to come back to. She had this sea. And she had her home. Even if she had disappointed everyone she knew in life, this was still there, the love she had for this place was still there. She was home. And she was going to be okay. She would figure out a way to be.
She walked into the water and felt the cold through her jeans. It didn't make her flinch anymore, it had become familiar. She walked until she was waist deep and the water made her sway on her feet. It was dark and cold, and she was afraid. She folded her hand into a fist and took a deep breath. Yes, she had made some wrong decisions, she had not ended up as the person she had wanted to be. But like this cold in her bones right now, it would all go away. She couldn't erase her mistakes but she would learn to live with them. She would learn to become the girl she was when she still had her father's hand in hers, the girl who believed in the castles she built in the sand and who had hopes and dreams in life. Because in her core, she knew that girl still existed.
As she looked out towards the line that separated the sea from the sky, she whispered one last secret to the sea. And just as she did, she felt it leave her, and move on into the night to places she could not see. She felt light, she felt that if she let go, then she would float away wherever the sea wanted her to go. And so, she did exactly that. She let it all go, and she let the sea carry her back to the shore.
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137,476 Literary Works • 672,034 Reviews
Hey!! Forever here with a tiny review!
First of all, I think that you should replace the ocean with the sea. In the beginning, there are three oceans. Convert all the water bodies in the text to a single type- either sea or ocean. Both are different from each other. I told to convert them into sea because it fits better than ocean.
Now to the story. It seemed like the girl is trying to recollect memories from the past spent with her father. We don't know about the present condition of her father but probably, he is far away from her. People don't really recollect memories when they are together. The story had a tone, kind of a monotonous tone yet a lot of emotions. There wasn't that fluctuation of emotions in the story. The tone is sorta melancholic as it seemed to me. I can't deny that it has a bit of happiness when the girl recalls all these, inner happiness I mean. It actually has a lot of emotions that I can't decide what the main one is. But I can say that added to thr story. The relation between the girl and the sea is quite interesting. I like how dhe values nature.
The ending was quite good. It left the readers thinking about what really happened. Good to get you as RevMo buddy
Keep Writing!!
~Forever
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!!
First Impression: Well...this is just an amazing little story here. Just loved the overall feelings that you draw up here. This is just that type of story that leaves you feeling good after reading at and that's honestly a rarity on YWS...I always seem to reading one depressing story after another. Well...more details...or lets be honest...just a lot of fangirling about how good this is...down below.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well...that's a lovely start there to this little story. Definitely asking some interesting questions there having our protagonist here wishing for some sort of certainty in her life. Aaand a nice bit of description there too. Definitely up quite a neat vibe there. Let's see where this ends up going.
Well...here comes the sad part....lovely bit of reminiscing. Definitely adds to the backstory of our character here and gives it that very real feeling, remembering memories from a time long past, and that advice her father gave her about that sea...ahh...its just a lovely line that one. And then that final realization...just a great paragraph all in all this one.
Well...that...is another beautiful paragraph there. Starting off with a little bit sensory description there, just to really get us into the situation and then talking about her family and her father's habits there. This really is quite a powerful story that you've got here. You get a real sense of what our protagonist here is like and what kind of life she led. And you can see she's here to relive these memories from a time that's potentially long past...and ahh...its just a lovely feeling to read this honestly.
Well...the ocean being a grounding spot just makes for a really emotional piece there....I personally love the ocean myself and the imagery here with the darkness and the cold being in stark contrast to here warm and sunny memories and her current mental start...it just all plays beautifully with the story here and I am all for it.
Ahh...this scene is just beautiful...I mean, honestly that all I can say here. Its just really uplifting to read here as she overcomes her fear slowly, and grounds herself in a situation that's somewhat familiar to her as she does here best to draw strength.
Ahh...just the perfect little ending there. Honestly one of the best short stories I've read.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall...this was a lovely story to read. And really that's all I've gotta say here. Anyway...catch you sometime later.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Thanks for the review!
Hi RandomTalks,
Mailice here with a short review!
Let's start with what caught my eye:
You try to build a good tension with the first paragraph by breaking the sentences with hyphens. This works reasonably well, because you are reading and are interrupted again. It allows the reader to ask the question, "What next?" But the sentence here seems a bit long and could certainly have done with a full stop.
While the first paragraphs are still dominated by long sentences, they get shorter as the text goes on, until they falter here. It's good that you try to use different methods to embellish the text, but would link some sentences together in this section, otherwise it gets a bit too bogged down. You build up a great atmosphere through your descriptions, so I don't think it's much use to give it back in a choppy way.
As for the content of the text, I can say that it was a wonderful text. It has feeling in many places and builds up an eerie yet warm world that threatens to disappear like nightfall. You build on the metaphor of the ocean very well and I think the story reads very well too. It has an underlying sad voice that comes to its climax in the second to last paragraph. You've built it up to that point really well.
When I started reading it, I didn't know what I was getting into. You have created something very sensitive and beautiful. You switched well between the inside and outside world. It seemed like an interplay between the waves and the sand.
Still, the text turned out quite beautifully. I like how it does without dialogue and describes a place you've seen before. You've done a great job of presenting an already existing motif in a new light and expanding on it. When I got to the end, I felt a certain melancholy in me, and I like that. The text aroused some feelings in me that stayed with me even after reading it.
On the one hand, this is because the text seems a bit mysterious and you can't guess exactly how it will end. I think the girl's subject matter is well presented and her thought processes are also comprehensible.
In summary, I think you have created a story that will stay with one for some time. There is something about it that sticks with you. Maybe it's your way of writing or the text in general. It can be of so much importance to someone or just be looked at superficially, and yet it turned out great in both ways.
Have fun with your writing!
Mailice.
Thanks for the review!