Young Writers Society

Hah, nice.

This is going to be easy to review. I have a couple more things to review before I hit 50 WOOT!

So I've totally written this poem before. I actually write it quite a bit. I use the first two lines as an example whenever I want to do something like that. I actually think I have them in the examples for how to format poetry too.

That being said I think you managed to get something unique when you started playing with the different types of devices that poets have at their disposal, alliteration, rhyming, repetition, and humor. You did a good job with that. It sort of added a bit of a sit-com element to the poem and that was a good lift towards the humor.

I'd suggest you chop off the first two lines and put them elsewhere though because that would be ironic. I don't see anything ironic about this poem as it is. If you made it sort of like one of those games where you have "only read lines 4 and 5" and had those lines as This is the first and second lines then that would be amusing, but still not ironic. Irony is hard to get. It's even harder to have shipped to you.

I think you could use more alliteration in your poem though in the other lines because you ended it really abruptly but you kept the other internal jokes going. See what you can do if you want to. I'm one step closer to 50 reviews <3

Hi there Questio!
It's MergSword here to review your work!

So obviously, this is a poem, about poems? I think this idea is very creative, as I personally have never seen this kind of poem before.

What does grumphuny even mean? Wait-OHHHHH I get it ! I had to reread it a few times too understand it, although it is a great use of creativity, it doesn't really match with the rest of the poem in my opinion. I looked it up on google like Racket and I got the exact same results, this poem and another called like, Grump Hunt or something.

As for punctuation:Add a few commas there, I noticed some lines had periods, while others didn't have any punctuation at all. The lack of punctuation just makes the poem a little choppy.

As for this line: repetition is not not not necessary, you should add a tongue twister: Repetition is not necessary necessary necessary.

Also, along the lines of Racket, stanzas would be a bit nice.

So yeah good work, I really liked this piece of poetry, although it's old and I doubt you'd expect a review at this time...

~MergSword

Hello Questio! racket here to review your poem!
Gosh, I love this! It made me laugh. XD Good job! I like how all your lines are ironic and beat themselves up, so, yeah, this is awesome!
I don't really have too many suggestions/comments/questions/concerns/rants for you, 'cause this is very well done, so here's what I've got.
The first thing I would like to suggest would be commas. Commas are really, really helpful when it comes to poetry, as they do not break the poem up into choppy little bits like periods, and they help smoothly transition between different thoughts and ideas. Plus, they are extremely helpful in creating a mood, as they are extremely good at creating drama and emphasizing different words/phrases/lines. So, commas! I would really, really strongly suggest comma usage!
But since you have kind of separated your poem into all these neat little points with periods (nice segue, thanks) (your poem is slightly choppy as a result of all those periods, hence the suggesting of commas), so I would like to next suggest possibly giving your poem stanzas? In poetry, generally when there's a period, a thought has ended, therefore, you have a right to end a stanza and then begin a new one in order to emphasize each point's originality and individuality and move on to the next point/idea without confusion. So. Yeah. Stanzas! XD

Making up words is grumphuny.

Hey! Cello here for a quick review.

This was really cute, I enjoyed reading it.

Suggestions though-

If I want this poem to rhyme

I'm running out of time.

This is a rather generic poem

Just a bit ironic.

Hi Questio!

So this is cute. I kind of like poems that are clever and make use of word play and poetic techniques to make fun of themselves.

Specifics

1. I'd like to see an 'and' between the first two lines as I think that would aid the flow and maybe just do something a little extra with the second line. Most of the other lines all do something differe/ have a different joke so repeating the same one for the title, the first line and the second starts to get old. Maybe something like:

This is the first line
and the second follows and
if I want this poem to rhyme

2. I think maybe replace acutely with apparently because it feels like an odd word choice and is a bit forced.

3. I think rather than 'Making up words is grumphuny' you could flip the line to make it a little more fast flowing and fun, like 'A grumphuny of made up words'.

4.

Although it can be fun fun fun.

Hello, steampowered here for a review! Before I begin can I just say one thing… this poem really deserves more likes. Maybe even a feature. I really don’t have much feedback to give, other than to keep writing. (Oh heavens, this is probably going to be an awful review, but I guess somebody else has to review it or it’ll hang around in the Green Room forever)

I guess I do have one piece of feedback, and that’s on the title. I see it… {Title}… very original, eh heh heh. But I feel like that, together with your lack of description, might mean people are less likely to read this. Perhaps you could consider changing the title to something that’s still generic but makes it seem interesting enough for somebody browsing literary works to want to read. Maybe “This Is A Poem”… hmm. I rather like that, but you obviously don’t have to take my advice.

That’s all I really have to say on the piece, to be honest. Like I said before, keep writing and feel free to let me know (either through PM or post a message on my wall) if you ever want anything else reviewed! If your other work is as awesome as this then I might struggle, but I’ll do my best.

Hello there Questio!

I like it! I really really like it! I don't really have any issues or critique, so thats a good thing. However the only thing I would do, is replace "acutely" with "actually". I really like poems like this because they can actually be funny. And nowadays people (including me) write sad or deeper content. Its a breath of fresh air when people write stuff like this. I would write like this, but i'm afraid if I do I will write it wrong and a get put down for it. (People have done that to me.) I'm just better with writing deeper messages. And grumphuny is a funny word. Sometimes its not easy to come up with a new cool word.... Good job! I can't wait to see more of your work!