(NOTE: This is an assignment I got the day before Halloween. It is a partner project, and my partner is NOT a strong writer. However, he really came out of his shell and left his comfort zone for this poem, which had to include a) an animal and b) a creepy setting, tone, what have you. I did very little of this beyond find ways to write what he said. I am very proud of him, so remember while you are reviewing that two people worked together to write it in an hour and one is not the best writer. Thanks)
From deepest slumber I awake
Vaguely I recollect events of earlier
Celebrations of All-Hallows Eve.
Moonlight streams through shattered windows
Cobwebs and shadows surround me
To spend the night in haunted house is my quest.
.
I slip back into blissful dreamland
Unsure of what awoke me
In this dark dusty desolate house.
I slowly close my tired eyes
Feeling invisible hands reaching for me.
scritcha scratcha scritcha scratcha
.
Heart racing I arise
From my spot on the dusty ground.
As if tracing some unseen trail
My eyes drift to the closet
From its depths I hear again:
scritcha scratcha scritcha scratcha
.
My heart pounds faster
Despite the chill sweat rolls down my brow.
My mind begins to race
Imagining horrors within the gloom.
What terror in the night stalks me?
scritcha scratcha scritcha scratcha
.
Stories of death rise to my memory
Tales of woe in this forgotten place.
“Spirits I am sorry!”
I shriek in fear,
“I do not mean to intrude!”
scritcha scratcha scritcha scratcha
.
But I remember my challenge
To make it through the night
In this creaking, croaking, creepy place.
Solidifying my resolve, without second thought
I open the dreaded door.
scritcha scratcha scritcha scratcha
.
No skeleton reaches for me,
No ghoul claws at my skin,
No vampire thirsts for my blood.
Instead, the picture of innocence,
A harmless little chipmunk
scritching scratching scritching scratching
.
Relief washes over me
“It’s only you,” I say.
Then the tiny brown ‘munk
Claws like daggers, teeth like fangs,
Leaps upon me and ravages my face.
Through screams of agony I hear its demonic cry,
“SCRITCHA SCRATCHA SCRITCHA SCRATCHA!”
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
Hello Questio. RainbowOfGayness here.
For this to have been written in a hour and for one of you to not be a strong writer, this is amazing. I love the repetition of the "scritcha scratcha" sound. That intensifies and adds to the spookiest of this poem. Then when the character thought the chipmunk was harmless, but then it started to tear apart their face was just great. Please keep being creepy. Happy writing!!!
Great job! I love the repetition. It really adds to the creepiness and suspense.
The great thin about poetry is that it is direct and compact. Its like a brick that hits the reader over the head and knocks him out before he has a chance to register what is happening. Unlike prose, which is first analyzed by the brain, poetry goes straight to the heart. To best utilize this feature of poetry, I suggest you make this much more compact. Cut out any word that isnt needed (edit ruthlessly). Instead of saying the place is creepy, make the reader FEEL the creepiness. Instead of saying its a helpless chipmunk, make the reader FEEL your relief at seeing just a chipmunk. In most cases, adjectives are not needed. The modo is "Show, don't tell." If you do this you are guarantied to send shivers up even the bravest spines. Good luck!