Waving in the wind, Old Glory
Do you have for us a story
What knowledge do you hold
What secrets lie between your folds
Does red, white and blue
Stand for something good and true
.
Yes, child, much have I for you
Naught do I say, but it be true
Such a tale could I unfurl
It shakes the Earth, change the world
.
There across a cold wide sea
Sat a Father, a Son not free
Against the Father the Son did rage
The future was but a blank page
For years they quarreled, bickered
Against the Son the Father snickered
.
The Son stood hard in resolution
The time did come for revolution
Around the world a shot was heard
Men’s hearts once more were stirred
A rallying cry, a sounding horn
For liberty and justice war was born
.
The Father’s power was truly much
The resolve of the Son grew as such
The Son’s sight set on independence
Ignored the Father call for repentance
For years the Father and Son traded blows
How much blood was lost, Heaven knows
After years the smoke did clear
Gave way to a sight so dear
There, victorious, was the Son
The battle over, his freedom won
.
Victory was only bittersweet
Much had been paid for this feat
But it was not a time of mourning
For freedom had been earned that morning
The Son looked upon what he had won
Never would his work come undone
.
I fly colors of that brave Son
The war was finished, his work not done
Red, for valor and hardiness
Those brave souls God did bless
White, innocence and purity
Grant all men security
Blue, endurance perseverance and justice
Point the way, a moral compass
Over battles and sorrow I did fly
Many brave men I saw die
Above I gave men inspiration
To fight, to die, for a fledgling nation
To insure for all liberty
To free all men from misery
.
With that, dear child, my tale is done
The story that started with one brave Son
The end yet still remains unsure
But if men’s hearts remain pure
This land will forever remain free
Of that, I’m sure we can agree
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Hey, Questio! Artemis here for Review Day. Go Team Zenith!
So, I was confused about Old Glory and what it was until I finished reading the first stanza. I think people would understand what it was better if you put a little author's note at the beginning explaining what it was. Unless you prefer your readers to find out on their own; I'm perfectly okay with that.
Also, at the end of the first stanza there is a question, but no question mark. I think you should add one in there. There is really no punctuation in this poem and I think a few here and there would make it a little better.
"Does red, white and blue
Stand for something good and true"
This little part confused me, but I think I get it now. But you should probably make "change" into "changes", because then it makes more sense.
"It shakes the Earth, change the world..."
And also, put a period at the end of the poem to signify the ending.
Other than that, I saw no nitpicks. The rhyming was flawless and the tale was so intricate. This was a terrific read. Good job and keep writing!
-wisegirl22
Hi, Epic here for a review,
Wow, I must say, Woah. This poem nearly has zero flaws. I thoroughly enjoyed this poem. The one thing I did notice, was that you need some punctuation here. I completely understood this poem. My favourite stanza was the second to last one because it explains the poem so well and you have used some really good words that tell the story really well. The first lines drew me in like a trap. They amazed me. I loved your rhyming, it complements the poem so well.
Let me point out my favourite lines.
'To fight, to die, for a fledgling nation'
'The Son stood hard in resolution
The time did come for revolution'
'To insure for all liberty
To free all men from misery'
'A rallying cry, a sounding horn
For liberty and justice war was born'
The rhyming was what made the poem great, it made it flow so well. I really hope you write another poem like this and if you do, please let me know and I'll love to review it for you
I think some of the stanzas are too long and could be split into two parts, the second to last stanza could be split after 'moral compass' Just a suggestion, you don't have to that.
I really enjoyed this poem and I hope you write another one. I hope this review helped you.
Keep writing
EPICnumber1
~~~~~~~~
Thank you so much! I don't usually do poetry, but when I do I'll let ya know!
Hello, I'm here to give you a review on your poem "Glory's Story". It is not a bad poem. A bit on a longer side but it works with the story you tell with it. The one thing that I would advise you, would to be maybe add in some punctuation. In some spots it was hard to follow it, though after reading a few times I was able to get the point. The punctuation would clear up any confusion other readers may have. It'd also be a good thing to have to clear up where the first narrator asked the question to where it changed over to Glory's point of view.
Some of the spots could use some editing but since I am currently at school and I am unable to deeply review this I am not really able to point them out. If you reread this or have someone else read this, you should be able to find the spots that could use a different use of wording.
But I am going to share with you what was my favorite part in the poem before I have to head out to my next class.
This one is one of my favorites because it should always remain true. I would truly hope that our country would eventually go back to this. When we weren't fighting among ourselves without a glimpse of hope for the future. But a man's heart in this country in these current times aren't were they really should be.
Wishing you the best of luck,
Tulip.
Thank you! I too know the struggle of being at school, the only reason I'm allowed on now is because my restrictions were levied because of my college classes
Well, its hard to be harsh with a piece like that. Great job.
I love the story that was being told, and the flow of the poem was fantastic. I'm curious to know your inspiration behind this story, and what urged you to write a poem like this?
As a reader this poem is quite unique from what I'm used to. I was pleasantly surprised, and I can now see myself becoming more interested in this kind of story telling.
Well done, and I'm excited to see what you write next. Keep up the good work, and don't let harsh comments ever discourage you. Also don't doubt yourself. Don't expect to get negative comments. Just learn from them when you do. Congrats on a well done poem. Happy Writing!
HG16
Why thank you. My inspiration was a multi-genre English project that I decided to expound upon. The prompt was "What does the US flag mean?"