Young Writers Society

Hello there pompador!

Ok, this poem is hard to review because I actually really like it. Like a lot. I love the content, I love the subject, I love the word choice, and I love the visual metaphor of you comparing a pericarp - the outer skin of a fruit - to our bodies as the outer shell of our souls/spirits. I think it's a powerful comparison and gives a big punch to the message of your poem; that the true value is within (even though our culture has put more value on the outside than the inside). Because like, there aren't a lot of people that prefer to eat the peel over the inside of the fruit, and even so, the inside is the most important haha. The peel is just like... there for protecting the inside so that it can grow and become a tasty fruit. (Aaaaand maybe I've taken it too literally now, but haha, that's me for you).

One of the things I really enjoyed about your poem was the spacing, and the different levels of lines. It flowed soooo nicely. It was just so pretty to read. But here's the thing! I was more than just pretty flowery language! This poem has true substance, and a message and I love that. And there was one little thing -that I see silver touched on- the only thing that kind of broke the flow for me was the "//" before the "of us." While I don't think it destroys the flow completely, it did throw me for a little loop. If you're cool with sharing, what were your thoughts behind using it?

I love how you used both the fruit/plant themes with the use of the words pericarp, peel, hyssop, etc. And I also love the other running theme of religion, and how our bodies have been made like a religion - something that must conform to a set of expectations instead of being valued as a "sanctuary for the spirit." (That's my favorite line by the way).

Overall, this is just such a solid, good, and fun to read poem. The subject itself is something that's been touched on many times before - valuing the person (soul) over the body - but you've done it in such a way that is new, unique, and was fully captivating for me to read!! Good job!!

A few things I must admit though: I did have to look up a few words, haha. I did not know all of the plant lingo until I googled it, but once I did, I was like woOOah that's a really clever use of that word.

So uh, yeah, I guess I'll stop gushing over your poem now. Sorry this was mostly just compliments, haha, but seriously, I like it a lot. If you have any questions or things you want more of my commentary on, feel free to ask!

-sound <3

Hello Pompadour! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.

This review courtesy of

i wish i could write like you ;-; </3

*drops short and sweet review*

I'm not sure what exactly to define this piece, but I'm nevertheless happy to have read it. From what I can tell, it is a solid and complex look into the emphasis over the human body than the soul and mind, demonstrating a common ill of society to look upon the outside instead of the inside. However, while this is a relatively common topic, you manage to soar above the typical expectations and commentary through your vivid imagery and colorful depictions, such as the picket fences in the garden that are expected to remain neat, clean, and steady. I will admit to having needed to pull out the dictionary a few times - particularly for the eponymous pericarp, as well as hyssop and catechism - but it is not as though I can recommend any other words for their tasks. Pericarp adds to the metaphor of body over soul aptly, while catechism contributes to the deeply religious air of the piece; I can even argue hyssop sounds lovely on my tongue, and its correlations with medicine contributes to the sensation of worshipers looking for cleansing and religious healing via extolling the human body over the spirit.

Most of my criticisms are perfunctory, to be honest. Normally, I would comment on the line breaks of a piece, they being hard to execute properly without breaking the flow of a piece via the reader's pausing and moving their eyes to the next line in an awkward way. However, your line breaks are smooth, captivating, and provide appropriate pauses - I especially loved the line about breathing for the way the pauses made it sound like the narrator was short of breath. However, I suppose I'm not sure I understand the intention of the //, which reminds me more of a word emphasis that could be suitably covered by using bold text, given the significance of the lines to which it is attached. Is there any reason for this? Can it be included in the narrative like the line breaks are?

Regardless, this is a fantastic poem. The final line summarizes the religious attitude of the piece and its inherently incorrect nature, capturing perfectly the past few stanzas in a single sentence and leaving a strong impression of the theme's piece in the reader's mind. Composed with vivid imagery, bright descriptions, and firm language hiding behind calm and quiet prose, alternating between the essence of this philosophy and the manner in which it is conveyed as a religion spewing forth the idea of the body over the soul (and a "you" that appears to be contradicting this doctrine by appealing to the narrator with descriptions of what has been lost in the process, doing a nice job of providing me another viewpoint and explaining where the rationale of the narrator, at least partly, comes from), this poem is impeccable. Well done!

This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review!

So I'm hoping to do both you and Apri in one go since you both have poems that take advantage of white space from the jam and both of you are wonderful. With that being said, let's delve right in!

Obviously this isn't the most edited or the most polished, and while that's noticeable, that doesn't mean I'm not a fan of this or didn't find this interesting. In the third line after 'for sexuality' I'd suggest putting a period and then a period again after 'sacred' in the same line. This is because the repetition is more whole or complete in that way. Or at least, that's how I've found it to be while reading this aloud. I found the addition of the white space with the 'peel and pericarp' lines to be nice!

This seems to come quite naturally to you, which I enjoy, though I'm not sure why you keep ending stanzas off with a // and then a word in some places. Is this supposed to mean something that I don't know about? Is it just because you felt like it? I'd like to know if it's just aesthetic or if it's something that holds a larger meaning than that. This poem is a lot more conserved than usual.

A lot more minimal and I thought that introducing white space to you would help you focus more on lines that are already there instead of wanting to add more. That's a reason I wanted to run the jam, since I noticed that some people were struggling with poetry length or the fact that you and Apri use an abundance of imagery. I'm glad both of you came since I want to see what it's like when you try and balance it out.

The white space is actually pretty effective in this poem and I like the content that's here! The last line is hard-hitting too, so nice job with that. The second stanza is the weakest of the bunch here mostly because it's more involved with listing though that doesn't mean I mind the usage of the '&' sign in poetry since it's fun to see.

Overall, while this is an improvement in the terms of restraint when it comes to imagery, I do want to see more experimentation in your poetry since I don't think you've found an exact balance. Not quite yet! It'll come eventually, though. I like that this is more straightforward though still metaphorical and it plays around with an actual theme, so I think this is more balanced than some other poems you've written and I like it more than the last one you wrote. c:

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.

This review courtesy of