Hi there, Pomp, I'm hopping in for a review.
I have to admit that I'm mixed on this one. I see that this is the first in a series, and I would like to see a series of poems that are connected coming from you, but I don't see this to be your best work and you might want to do a rewrite. I believe that this is an interesting concept, and that's what it is--a concept.
One that hasn't been fully fleshed out to your full potential. Agreeing with Hannah, I love the language and word choice that you use in this poem, similar in quality to many other pieces of yours. I found to be the thread to tie these stanzas together to be too thin this time for my liking.
We can see as the reader that you play with the sun, the moon, and the earth, but I don't believe that it goes anywhere. Where is the overarching theme of this piece? I couldn't find anything bigger behind these concepts, and I believe if you wrapped it up in a different way with a line that states these are all concepts, I would have a better perception overall. I believe that something akin to, 'a realization: these are concepts, and that is how they will stay'.
Of course, it wouldn't have to be exactly that. That'd be my ideal ending, anyway, and by no means do you have to listen to me in that. As always, I love the imagery in this piece, which has become a regular compliment for me to say for your poetry because your imagery is consistently solid, though I would like to see you tackle other aspects and concepts. I would like to see how these poems end up connecting in thematically, since there's no storyline to it, so we'll see how that ends up turning out!
If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.
Points: 220
Reviews: 1081
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