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I have had the word 'realist' hurled at me

by Pompadour



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Mon Jun 26, 2017 12:39 am
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fortis wrote a review...



Hi pomp!!

Lovely poem! Definitely different than your others in terms of tone, but still beautiful. I like how clear the purpose of this poem is. Or, it really starts as clear, but it sort of expands to be a bit more universal (hehe) towards the end.

Actually, speaking of that, let's jump straight to the end while I'm still thinking about it. I like that you grow to something greater than yourself at the end, but the very last stanza... it just doesn't do it for me. I feel like I was in space, but still grounded up to there, and the last stanza just cut away my safety rope and now I'm floating away with nothing to ground me. I really think a return to your original idea of understanding people and their personalities and enjoying sadness and realistic aspects about people would do well at the end to bring it to a nice full circle and leave people thinking about what you really want them to consider.

In fact, I think keeping a tight reign on your purpose in this poem would be good through the whole thing. I think you keep it up really tight until you get to... anatomizing the universe, I suppose. you really had it reigned in till then, which made your words really powerful. Great job. But after that, again, it just sort of floats away. Don't get me wrong, it's really pretty but I like grounded full circles personally.

There's a couple of nitpicks I have in terms of words.
"abnormal" "unfun" "lackadaisical" -> to me, abnormal IS fun, so these words didn't exactly work for me. I'm assuming you mean it to be abnormal in a sense that means you think about death and people find that weird. Maybe if you used something more heavily negatively connotative it would get your message across better. Maybe Unsettling? Macabre? I'm not sure what exactly you're going for with these words. I even think unfun and lackadaisical aren't quite right. I don't know what you were going for though.
And also, "realist" to me has always been a good thing, and I'm not sure I would consider you a realist? I can't say I know you personally, I guess, but I've always considered you rather dreamy, head in the clouds type. That type of person can have depressing thoughts too though. I wonder what the word for that is, hmm. But "realist" doesn't seem like a word people would use as an insult, and from what I know about you, it doesn't seem to describe you anyway! Obviously, this poem is probably based on someone actually calling you a realist or something, so you might not feel right changing it. I'm just giving you my opinion on the use of that word.

'unique' and 'bizarre' seem sort of like synonyms to me, but you use them as if they were antonyms when you express disbelieve that you're labeled with both at once.

But these are small things. Most of this poem is absolutely excellent. Much applause from me :)

I hope this review helped, and keep writing, pomp!
~fortis




Pompadour says...


thank you for this muchly, fortiglump! word-choice has been giving me trouble, so nitpicks are much appreciated. <3 [ahh, i definitely did not mean to typify 'realist' as being taken in a negative sense--more so that the person i'm addressing took the term realist as being equal to devoid of feeling//pragmatic to a tee//a super-systemiser, and the boxed-in definition bothered me.]



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Wed Jun 21, 2017 2:14 am
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Kays wrote a review...



This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review!

Apologies that this is a little late. I meant to get around to this one sooner than I have, though I guess this is better than never coming. I have to say first that as always, your vocabulary is pretty on-point. This is nothing new for you. What is new here is not the structure either, since this is similarly produced to other poems. Not that this is the same structure as the other poems you've recently put out, instead I mean that this is less focused on the structure or technical aspects and more on the imagery.

That's also something that I found to be a little new. This isn't as drenched in imagery as previous poems are, and that shows. It seems that this is more focused on the pure emotional aspect of this work more than it is the dreamlike imagery that you're usually able to put out. Some of that is still in this poem, though.

I have to say that I believe I'm the first who isn't the largest fan of this poem--at least not compared to the other poetry that you've put out. I have to admit that I wasn't as much of a fan of Stagnant Summer either, but I believe that's for somewhat different reasons. I wanted this to have more of a sense of structure. That's the main problem I found in Stagnant Summer, that it simply needs some polishing. That being said, just because I'm not as large on this poem doesn't mean that there aren't strengths.

There are a lot of lines in here that I can see in the future being effective if, instead of full-blown imagery, you attempt to go for minimalism. A focus on the emotional weight behind the lines you write, even if those lines are few, doesn't mean that they're weak. That's something that I think might be nice to learn for you. Learn when to be conservative for the sake of being impactful and learn when it's okay to expand and flesh out on the imagery. That's a great skill to have, especially in a poem like this where philosophical thoughts and themes are present.

Overall, this just needs some fine polishing! That's the most important part of editing this poem. If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask. I hope I helped and have a great day.

Image




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Mon Jun 19, 2017 1:38 pm
37Anatassia73 wrote a review...



Wow! That is an amazing poem. It was very enjoyable to read. I can tell you are very good at writing poetry. I am not so I am in awe of all those who can. I loved all the imagry you used it was strong and invoked thought in the reader, well me at least. And the topic was something people can relate to in one way or another. Everyone has felt left out before at least once in their life. I also the kind of detatched voice you use to wite this.




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Mon Jun 19, 2017 9:24 am



Wow




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Mon Jun 19, 2017 3:04 am
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Nymeria says...



Amazing! I love it! Seeing the emotion of someone said to have no emotion is so clever.




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Sun Jun 18, 2017 11:45 pm
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marms says...



okay but like this is great. i really like this. there's no reason for you to cringe xD




Pompadour says...


glad you like it! i guess i'm just not very happy with how it turned out? it desperately needs a rehashing.

but thank you<3




here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a treee called life; which grows higher than the soul can home or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
— e.e. cummings