Hey Plume!
I was going through some old scripts and I came across yours - and I have to say, this was absolutely wonderful! Despite the peaceful and scenic beginning with the image of the mother and daughter lying head to head in the sun, somehow the melancholy hung like a shadow in the background. The sense of loss and grief was almost palpable and I liked the fact that you used the changing setting of the sky to portray the mother's emotions. Your use of descriptive words and the images of 'autumn', 'halo', 'sunlight' and the leaves being the color of 'golden, brown and orange' hit hard, especially since all of it dissolves in the end into the 'gray cloudy' reality that the mother has no option but to accept.
She reaches over to comfort her mother but she realizes her hand is gone,
faded as if it were never there in the first place. She whimpers and cries.
I liked the fact that you reversed the roles in this scene. Instead of the mother imagining her daughter and waking up to the grin reality, here we have the daughter who is the figment of imagination, witnessing her own self dissolve and disappear without understanding what is happening. It adds more personality to the daughter and makes us consider her as an individual rather than someone who never got the chance to exist in the real world. It adds more meaning to the scene and makes us empathize with both sides.
We— we were so excited.
Loved the use of break in the sentence! It perfectly conveys how the mother is overcome with emotions but still tries so hard to not break down.
This was truly a very heartfelt piece and I loved the fact that despite the short length of the script, you still managed to convey the emotions!
Happy Social Month!
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