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He Knows

by Plume


INT. DINING ROOM - DAY


SAL sits at a table, reading a newspaper. 


Enter CHARDONNAY.


CHARDONNAY
Sal. He knows. 


Sal looks up. 


SAL
(unenthusiastically)
That’s great.
(pause)
You gonna give me any specifics?


Chardonnay walks further in and takes a seat at the table across from Sal. She sets her purse down on the table.


CHARDONNAY
Diego. He knows I… 


SAL
He knows you what?


CHARDONNAY
He knows I killed his mother.


Sal sets down the newspaper. Her face remains impassive. She looks Chardonnay in the eyes. 


SAL
And where would he learn a juicy little tidbit like that?


Chardonnay sighs.


CHARDONNAY
I told him.


Sal chuckles humorlessly.


SAL
Now, why would you do a stupid thing like that?


CHARDONNAY
I… don’t know. I felt bad, I guess, and… I thought he’d understand. 


SAL
You killed your fiancé’s mother. I feel like that requires a bit more than “understanding.”


CHARDONNAY
It was an accident!


Sal sighs.


SAL
I know.


CHARDONNAY
It was dark, and I wasn’t looking, and it was just… easier to pin it on the neighbor. I couldn’t let them know. You know. I… I’m engaged to her son. I—


SAL
(interrupting)
Are you?


Chardonnay looks up. 


CHARDONNAY
What do you mean?


SAL
I mean, how did Diego react? You sure he still wants to marry you?


CHARDONNAY
He— he has to.


SAL
You killed his mother.


CHARDONNAY
It’s— it was an accident! He’ll understand. He’ll have to.


SAL
Because nothing says “I love you” like matricide.


Chardonnay glares at Sal. Sal doesn’t flinch.


CHARDONNAY
You’re not helping.


SAL
I am. You just don’t see it yet.


CHARDONNAY
I’m leaving.


Sal points towards the exit.


SAL
The door is that way.


Chardonnay huffs and picks up her purse. She exits.


Sal sighs. She picks up her newspaper and starts to read.


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Thu Jan 07, 2021 12:48 am
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whatchamacallit wrote a review...



Hi there Plume! I'm here to nudge your script out of the green room :D

Let me just say: gosh Sal is a wonderful character. I can picture her deadpan delivery perfectly and her sarcasm in on point. The fact that you're able to create such a vivid, fleshed-out character that your reader (or audience) can connect to over the course of a single scene is incredible and takes a lot of talent, so you should be proud of yourself!

Chardonnay is also a wonderful character - both of your characters are distinct, and just exaggerated enough to be entertaining but not enough to become ridiculous or silly or unbelievable. So, if you can't tell, my favourite thing about this script is the characters and the amount of personality you've conveyed through their short interaction!

Next thing I want to mention is context. I'm presuming this is a standalone script, since it isn't labelled as "scene number so-and-so"? I think you've got a really good balance of what you explicitly tell the reader and what is just implied. And you never let the reader get ahead of you; they're always surprised by what happens next. Even when they discover that Chardonnay killed someone's mother, it's still a surprise when they discover she killed her fiance's mother.

However I wouldn't might a bit more background on how Sal and Chardonnay know each other. I think if we knew how they met and what their relationship was like that would make it even more entertaining!

Last thing I want to mention - you do a good job of showing how dialogue isn't always grammatically correct, and how the flow of conversation can result in a lot of half-thoughts. If that doesn't make sense (I think I explained it kind of poorly haha), here's my favourite example of it in this script:

CHARDONNAY
It was dark, and I wasn’t looking, and it was just… easier to pin it on the neighbor. I couldn’t let them know. You know. I… I’m engaged to her son. I—


SAL
(interrupting)
Are you?

Here, "Are you?" doesn't really have any independent meaning, and it doesn't exactly make sense grammatically when we later discover what she's asking, but it perfectly depicts how a conversation works. So good job on that, too!

Overall, I don't have that much to critique for this script! The dialogue is witty, the characters are well fleshed out, and the flow is natural. My only suggestion would be to add a bit more context about how the two characters know each other!

I hope this review proves useful ^^

Keep writing <3

whatcha




Plume says...


Thanks so much for your review! Yeah, this script isn't really part of something, per se... I just got the character of Sal in my head and knew I had to write something for her. I'm glowing with your praise, honestly. I'm so glad you enjoyed!



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Tue Dec 01, 2020 1:03 am
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Dest wrote a review...



Hello!

CHARDONNAY
I’m leaving.


Sal points towards the exit.


SAL
The door is that way.

This bit is fun. I see a lot of Sal's personality here.

Sounds good so far. Sal’s pretty straightforward, and she seems to care in a tough-love type of way. Since this is supposed to be dramatic, I would think Chardonnay would make a bigger exit. Like, slamming a door or cursing at Sal or whatever’s within her character. She already told Diego, so why is she saying he’ll understand? Doesn’t she know his reaction, or does she mean he’ll eventually come to acceptance? That was probably clear, but I just got confused. I’m guessing she told him through text message or a phone message.

Anyway, interesting! Good work




Plume says...


Thanks so much for your review!! I totally didn't think about the whole "He'll understand" bit, and I actually appreciate your confusion. It really helps me understand things that I forget readers don't know, or stuff that actually doesn't really make sense when someone says it. Thanks again!!



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Sat Nov 28, 2020 12:43 am
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ChesTacos says...



Good script? It is a script right? Anyways I like how it's very intriguing. I was very interested to know what was happening. Now I feel like I need to know more. Sorry I'm not very good at reviews lol.




Plume says...


Yep, it's a script! I appreciate your thoughts! I'm glad you enjoyed it!




I was promis'd on a time, To have a reason for my rhyme: From that time unto this season, I receiv'd nor rhyme nor reason.
— Edmund Spenser