Young Writers Society

I don't often read scripts however, this particular piece really drew my attention. It's unsettling how easily Chardonnay and Sal speak of death. Without a lot of dialogue, it is very clear to understand the situation in which one character is trapped. Because of their contrasting positions and contrasting personalities, the audience is even more captivated by the mystery surrounding what happened to Diego's Mother and Chardonnay's future. There is so much expressed in a short portion of text. I don't have a lot of criticism for this piece. I hope to hear more about Sal, Chardonnay, and their issue soon!

Hi there Plume! I'm here to nudge your script out of the green room :D

Let me just say: gosh Sal is a wonderful character. I can picture her deadpan delivery perfectly and her sarcasm in on point. The fact that you're able to create such a vivid, fleshed-out character that your reader (or audience) can connect to over the course of a single scene is incredible and takes a lot of talent, so you should be proud of yourself!

Chardonnay is also a wonderful character - both of your characters are distinct, and just exaggerated enough to be entertaining but not enough to become ridiculous or silly or unbelievable. So, if you can't tell, my favourite thing about this script is the characters and the amount of personality you've conveyed through their short interaction!

Next thing I want to mention is context. I'm presuming this is a standalone script, since it isn't labelled as "scene number so-and-so"? I think you've got a really good balance of what you explicitly tell the reader and what is just implied. And you never let the reader get ahead of you; they're always surprised by what happens next. Even when they discover that Chardonnay killed someone's mother, it's still a surprise when they discover she killed her fiance's mother.

However I wouldn't might a bit more background on how Sal and Chardonnay know each other. I think if we knew how they met and what their relationship was like that would make it even more entertaining!

Last thing I want to mention - you do a good job of showing how dialogue isn't always grammatically correct, and how the flow of conversation can result in a lot of half-thoughts. If that doesn't make sense (I think I explained it kind of poorly haha), here's my favourite example of it in this script:

CHARDONNAY
It was dark, and I wasn’t looking, and it was just… easier to pin it on the neighbor. I couldn’t let them know. You know. I… I’m engaged to her son. I—


SAL
(interrupting)
Are you?

Hello!

CHARDONNAY
I’m leaving.


Sal points towards the exit.


SAL
The door is that way.

Good script? It is a script right? Anyways I like how it's very intriguing. I was very interested to know what was happening. Now I feel like I need to know more. Sorry I'm not very good at reviews lol.