EXT. SIDEWALK - DAY TESSA (female, late twenties) walks down the city street. BILL (male, late twenties) follows her. BILL Tessa! TESSA Why are you here? BILL Why—? Tessa, I love you. TESSA No, you don’t, please stop saying that, it was never… You’re not supposed to be here. BILL Oh, honey. You’re in one of your moods again. TESSA (forcefully) No, I’m not. Please don’t call me that. Why are you here? Bill ignores this. BILL Come on, honey. Let’s get you home. TESSA I don’t know who you are. You shouldn’t be here. Bill reaches out and tries to grab Tessa’s arm. She screams and pulls away. TESSA Don’t touch me! BILL Love, I’m just trying— TESSA You’ve tried enough. I’m done. You don’t love me. BILL I do love you, Tessa. You’re the only one I care about. TESSA I told you to leave. Go. Go away. Tessa takes out her phone and begins to dial someone. BILL Babe, I’m trying to help you! You’re not okay. TESSA (to her phone) Yeah. He’s… yep. Corner of fifth street. Oh? Oh! Perfect. Thanks. BILL Honey. You’re sick. You’re not right in the head. TESSA Right. Of course. Please leave. BILL I’m not leaving without you, love. You need help. I love you. A van pulls up, and Tessa stops walking. Bill stops walking because Tessa stops walking. The side of the van reads PENDLETON PSYCHIATRIC WARD. A HOSPITAL ATTENDANT steps out. TESSA Finally. BILL Honey, look. They’re here to help. They’re here to help you! HOSPITAL ATTENDANT Ah, there you are, Mr. Pinner. We were wondering where you’d gone. Remember, you aren’t allowed outside without a chaperone. The hospital attendant goes over to Bill and wraps a gentle but firm arm around him. The attendant leads him to the van, nearly forcing him to get inside. BILL What? No! I— no. Tessa. Tessa! Tessa! I love you! The van drives away with Bill inside. Tessa smiles. TESSA No, you don’t.
This is giving me serious drama vibes. Like I had some suspicions that he would of been crazy but I was surprised that you actually carried it out. I applaud you for that. The formatting could use some work but the story is good. I question if Tessa is actually being sincere and calling for help for Bill or that she's just being a not so nice person and is orchestrating this whole scenario. All in all very nice story.
Hi Plume! I'm here for a review, courtesy of Team Crewmates :)
Ooh wow, another awesome script from you! I love how much suspense and character development you're able to create in such an incredibly short scene. I agree with MadilynReads, I honestly couldn't tell who was the crazy one up until the end - and even then, I wasn't sure if Bill was actually crazy or Tessa was some mean psychopath who had managed to get him locked up just out of spite. That uncertainty creates an awesome cliffhanger! And regardless of whether this has a sequel, I think you chose a perfect place to end it at. I don't think the point of this script is a clean, definite ending; it's more about the relationship between the two characters, if that makes sense!
There was one part of the script I found a bit confusing:
^I'm not sure how Tessa doesn't know who Bill is, considering she seemed to be remembering something about their past relationship in the first line I quoted? Unless she's purposefully lying, or I'm missing something (totally possible haha!). But I don't exactly see what her motivation for lying could be. A bit of clarification wouldn't hurt, I think.No, you don’t, please stop saying that, it was never… You’re not supposed to be here.
.
.
.
I don’t know who you are. You shouldn’t be here.
Woah. I think my brain just broke. I don’t know if Tessa is just a scheming jerk and was pretending like Bill was crazy so that he would be taken away or if he really did love her and she went mad. Either way, excellent story! It is so short but in the short time it gives you a very unsettled feeling and attaches you to the characters. (Come to think of it, the new WandaVision does the same thing.) Spooky.
118,600 Literary Works • 642,542 Reviews
Points: 34
Reviews: 1
Donate