Why has life decided
To take hold of me now
To whirl me in and out
Of things I can't say
Goodbye to
Or why do I avoid
The uncomfortable Truths
That seem to build a shield
Around my heart
I have no time for laughter
Or for smiles and hugs
And the one thing I miss the most?
My once blossoming love
He said we'd make it through this challenge
That we'd always have time for us
But once my life took hold of me
I was swept to somewhere else
Silence was a normal thing
Contact...what is that?
I couldn't shake the feeling we
Wouldn't last the month
And soon enough he finally said
This isn't working out
I just nodded and watched him go
And wept once the door had closed
Is this what life has in store for me
On this path that's been worn down
By all the people in my family?
Why couldn't I have just been happy
With what was there before me?
Now it's gone so I must go too
And try to find an alternative
Because my life has fled away from me
To find someone more worthy
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139,669 Literary Works • 672,647 Reviews
The one thing you have going for you in this piece is flow. There really weren't any issues with it at all, which is always a pleasure to read.
That said, there isn't much else going for this piece that makes it stand out as unique. It's rather vague, and while it appears you tried to incorporate a metaphor or two, they weren't really extended as far as they could be. Simplicity is one thing, and while this poem is quite simple in the language it used, it's also very general. The more general the language you use, the less memorable it tends to be since general language is generally used by people all the time.
While there isn't anything particularly wrong about this piece, there isn't anything particularly memorable about it, either, and the use of generic language, while making it easier to understand intellectually, doesn't really make me as a reader feel any emotion.
What I highly recommend you do is look up various poetic techniques related to imagery. Just as regular prose often benefits from descriptions, poetry often benefits from incorporating imagery. There are a couple of articles in the Knowledge Base portion of the site that cover imagery, and I suggest you take a peek at them, in addition to analyzing poems you like to find out why exactly you like them.
Awwww thanks!!
I really love the emotion in this piece. So powerful. With just a bit of editing (for grammar and such) it would be worthy of publishing!