The broken pieces
of chalk in my hands
chiseled away at the
edges and crumbing
softly I can feel them.
And the writing is
smeared, blurring across
the parchment yet again
my fingers still searching
for something to hold,
something that will not
slowly dissolve.
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140,610 Literary Works • 673,552 Reviews
Your poem seemed to be going no where the first time I read it.
I was a little confused at first, but then I read it a couple of more times and I grasped the concept at which you were trying to get at.
I like the use of imagery you used in this poem.
Talking about chalk crumbling in your hands and comparing it to the instability of life.
Everyone fears what they cannot control because that is exactly it.
WE ARE NOT IN CONTROL.
As humans, we thirst to SOMETHING.
Even the people who seemingly have no control over anyone, or anything at all, still starve for the opportunity to take charge.
That's what scares us humans the most.
Things going wrong and us being absolutely helpless to do something about it.
Especially when you're like me with a mild case of OCD.
Everything must be perfect and in place all the time.
Life, unfortunately enough, doesn't like to stay in place.
So therefore, although your poem was short, it truly spoke to me.
The only thing I would say though, as this is a review, is to add some more commas.
There were places that desperately needed it but you neglected to place them.
Watch out with that.
Excellent work! Bravo!
Hey PaperNessa it's AshleyDashley here for a quick review!
First of magnificent job with your description throughout the poem! I could visualize what you were saying easily! Great job on that. I also liked your flow as it kept me reading and made it easy to read. You could use some commas here and there.
I added a comma after hands and crumbling.
I added a comma after again.
Overall you did a fantastic job with this poem. I think you did a marvelous job writing it! Keep up the magnificent work and I hope to read more of your work in the future!
AshleyDashley
Thank you so much for the review! I really appreciate it. The reason why the commas are lacking in some of the lines is because they are enjambments that have phrases that continue to the next line. I purposely didn't want them to be end-stopped. For example, the line
can be read two different ways. The first way is "smeared, blurring across the parchment yet again" and "yet again my fingers still searching". In this case, the phrase "yet again" ties the two different lines together.Oh I get it now! Cool idea!
hmm this is interesting and i really like what u did with it.the description is on piont and is perfect.it somewhat confuse me thou a little i dont know why.i think it when u go talking about writing with chalk then the parchment dissovling when we dont write .paper or anything chalk is only used for a board and that confused me but it still good
lmao i actually thought of this poem when i was doing an art piece with charcoal (which is chalk) on paper. the chalk got all over my fingers and i was just sitting there staring at them
ohhh ok that makes much more sense i was thinking of a chalkboard the whole time