Love in a Glorious Pyre

Those below weren't wrong.

You have an excellent image here, but what ruins it is your vocab. You seem to be poetic just to be poetic, nothing else. This could have been said in much simpler words and still made the same impact that this did. Sadly, it didn't do that. I enjoy how it flows, but your vocab is way too big. I didn't really find this to be an enjoyable poem, and enjoying poetry is what it's all about. Try to make your readers happy, not try to impress them because of your word choice.

thanks.

Hi Nessa,
Here for a review.
I really love the flow of words, such beautiful and deep words, they completely convey what you are trying to say, makes it so much easier to feel the emotions behind them. This is an amazing work, it makes me remember how I have even enjoyed the sweet nothing we became, bound to be away from each other. I love your vocabulary and how simply you have used deep words.
I am sorry I would not recommend change, I feel like if you make changes it will lose it's true essence, this feels complete and soothing as you fully understand each line and go beyond what words say.
Wish you all the best,
Sharoze

Hello! My name is Diane and I’m just going to get right into my notes for your poem.
The “blue candlelit eyes” line in the first stanza disrupts the flow you set up from the first couple of lines. I think you can fix this by getting rid of “Yet” and “my” from that line. It also makes the metaphor you were going for much more intense.
You don’t need “whilst’ in the second line of the second stanza.
The last line of the second stanza is amazing! I love the alliteration you have going on there, too.
You don’t need the comma at the end of the first line of the third stanza; this enjambment works better without a pause between that line and the next. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but I lost understanding in the third stanza. I think this is because the words feel forced instead of natural and easy.
The syntax you used in the fourth line of the fourth stanza disrupts the flow of the poem. Try changing the word order and see what else you can do to make it flow well, because the words seem like a right fit but right now they aren’t in the right order.
I love the last couplet, but I think using “Earth” instead of “world” would make the impact of the end much more intense. I also really like the last line. I don’t know what it is, but it feels like a proper ending to the poem.
Overall, I thought this poem was pretty great, but there are some things I would change. Of course, these are just suggestions; you do what you want and what you think is best for you poetry. You have a great handle on language, too, and I think you have a creative way of expression ordinary emotion.
Keep writing,
Dianne

Okay there is no auto correct on this thing I am typing on, so I am sorry.

Now peaces of poetry like this is why I love poetry. It flows beautifuly. I agree with SerenSimpliciT your vocabulary is amazing. It is refreshing in a way not too many people use words like existential.

This is a beautful peace of work really well done.

FancyDragon haha.

Ok, your vocabulary is on another planet in terms of how advanced it is at times. Like, I had to look up words!

This is good . . . but also not so good. I mean, I agree with Strange, who said too simple equals losing interest, and over the top feels like you're trying to be too smart.
You're being way too smart in some places! XD
A reader should not have to look up words in your writing so that they can understand them. It pulls them out of what they're reading, pulls them out of the mood, and will most definitely cause them to stop caring. Those who read poetry are looking for an escape, a place they can go where they might be questioned, or entertained, not confused.

While saying that, I also get that you wrote this the way you did for a reason. It makes sense to you in this way, and there are people who will get this on the first try.
I'm just pointing out that a majority (especially on this site) will have difficulties reading this.

Now, in terms of the story (once I made out the words) it was beautiful. It's sweet and somber and it makes me want to go hug my grandmother for some reason. It enacts a reaction and that is the best thing you can ask for in poetry.
Good job on that

Well, I really don't have much else to say because Strange basically covered all I had.
Keep writing ^^
~Maddie

Hey, PaperNessa! Strange here and I have a review for you!

The vocabulary in this is insane, in a bad but good way. Now, as much as a contradicting statement that is, vocabulary is a hard thing to execute. If you do it simple, way too simple, you lose interest. If you do it over the top, it feels like a pointless showcase of just seeing how smart you are. In this case, it did it a handful of times, but somehow kept interest. somehow.

Arms of warm cotton enveloping me,

With licorice lips of candy sweets,

Rose-embellished tomorrows arise from the east.

Running to the storm with arms a-brazen,

I shall embrace the end whilst clutching your satin hands.

Skin of cold ivory and hair of silver,

Acrid liquid will singe my porcelain flesh.

And the gray glass oust in the rain.

Ardent blue burns magnificent in the concern for another,

Delighted lips on mine in overcoming this existential bummer.