Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
I bet he loves slow;
Easing up the shallow shore,
Licking the golden sands.
*
I imagine how he does it;
Foam oozing at the hands,
And eyes of glistening ochre,
Shining back at me.
*
I wish he wants me slow;
Turning light into love,
Misty apparitions anchored,
At salt-painted lips.
*
But now I know how he loves.
Sunlit beams at each fingertip,
And soft, misty palms,
Exhaling plumes onto plumes.
*
I dream he craves me,
At the return of the tide,
With retreating storm clouds;
As the rain falls to sea.
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125,012 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
oooh! I like it a lot..like soo much!
Haha review time...
Okay! Splendid work you got there mate.
First of all this so pleasing to the ears, especially
when I read it slowly word-by-word.
Love the idea of you describing the nature of the sea
blending with romance and love in it.
So pure and simple.
This poem just purely describes the nature of the sea and wave clashing onto the sand with the use of personification. Giving human attributes to lifeless objects(the sea). The love thingy just add sugar and spice to the overall poem.
Love the last few stanzas!
mmm... I dream he craves me
nice work though.
Cheers!
WOAH.
Or a human woman, about a merman? Or simply a human about the ocean itself?
You conjure images like a magician.
The first stanza/verse is like quicksand, dragging the reader in by the strength of the speaker's personality.
I'm imagining this as a love poem spoken (or sung?) by a mermaid, about the ocean
The description of his soft, misty palms is so loving and beautiful.
I have to say, though: your poem seemed to be setting up a contrast between the way the speaker wishes her lover would do his magic, and how he will actually do it. Your descriptions of his actual love-making are very pretty, but I admit they are difficult to understand and visualize, and I'm left unsure of whether the speaker is happy about the male's love-making or dissatisfied with it....
In short, your poem is high on beauty and style, but lacking somewhat in clarity. I think you would only need to make a few tweaks to clarify the issues. This poem is still pretty great.
ohhh love poems; my favorite. I really enjoyed this one; really powerful, really deep. From the very first line, I was sold on this. Such a beautiful line. The rhyme scheme that started up in that second stanza was amazing. I thought it created a great flow and it made that second stanza my favorite out of the entire poem. A suggestion I have is for your third stanza where you say 'I wish he wants me slow.' Id recommend changing that to "I wish he wanted me slow.' Its a little long but I thought it fit nicely where I was.
"But I know how he loves" I LOVE that line. this was a great poem, nice job