I believe this should be under "random thought bubbles that appear on an off throughout the day" genre...but it's not sooo.... please review! Yes, tell me this is a strange poem and full of creativity(not really, lol)
I wonder... What it's like to be you?
You can be every color of the rainbow but completely white-
You are enormous and round-
I wonder... What is it like to be you?
Full of wonders; During dawn you are bright-
Or at dusk when you're dark and sleeping sound.
I wonder... What is it like to be you?
To deal with thunderstorms and cyclones?
To be so high yet low where you kiss the ground.
Yes, I know you are just the sky-
But if you understood everything I was saying,
Please tell me,
"What is it like to be you?"
" Quite interesting, you see." -Sky.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
I think this is a good poem. But the only thing that i really see that bothers me is the rhythm. You are off. I tried reading this out loud to make sure that they were correct about being out of rhythm and you are. Think of more words that would flow more easily in pronunciation without really changing anything inside the poem itself. Make sure that if you do change it, that you leave the same meaning inside of it.
Hey there. This is a fun little poem you have here, and I enjoyed reading it. :D I do think there's a fair amount of room for improvement, but this is a really good start, and I like the idea behind this poem.
I think this first line would be better as "I wonder... What is it like to be you?" since the first line of all the other stanzas are like this. Then again, I'm a stickler for consistency. XP
I'm not sure which meaning of "but" you're using here. Is it "except" or "even"?
These two lines don't make much sense grammatically. I suggest something revising them to along the lines of: "Full of wonders - during dawn, you are bright, / While at dusk, you're dark and sleeping sound."
I suggest, "To be so high, yet low enough to kiss the ground?" It's more grammatically correct and I believe it flows better.
This line came completely out of nowhere (which I think was your intention). XD It's a bit of an abrupt note to end the poem on, in my opinion, and I think the poem would be stronger if you expanded a little on the Sky's response. In what ways is being the sky interesting? I think you could have a lot of fun coming up with creative things for the Sky to talk about.
Overall, I really enjoyed this poem and hope that you continue writing poetry. You have a definite talent for it. :D
Hi!
This poem has the potential to be absolutely amazing. You just need to work on it some more.
First, your rhythm is off. Try reading this aloud, and you'll know what I mean. You'll feel where the line cut-offs should be, and then can change it from there. I won't make any more suggestions on that. You need to figure that kind of thing out for yourself.
On a related note: Was "How do you deal with thunderstorms and cyclones?" supposed to be attached to "I wonder what it's like to be you?"? If it wasn't you should change it.
Next, you should try to cut out unnecessary words. In this poem, that means not so much of "and." You overuse that word way to much.
Lastly, you just need to make basic edits. For example, you probably meant "what" and not "what's." Unless, of course, you want "what's it like." Either way, it needs to be changed.
Summing up, you have a great idea here. It just needs to be presented better. I'd love to read it when you've edited it some more!
~Reddy