Magazine
Irony has a heartbeat.
The butterfinger slips from my hand,
a natural phenomenon which probably shouldn’t
make the Channel 6 News but does
due to the pure entertainment value of a self-defining act.
I, too, was hung out to dry on the magazine rack
in your local CVS until
Malary picked me up on Tuesday
as she obtained drugs for her malady
and I was left in the back seat,
to become some odd internet meme living on the
brink of obscurity.
Laughter will end soon enough, though,
when finally there is recognition that
jokes are harder to define than religion.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,029 Literary Works • 672,776 Reviews
Hello, happy review day!
Your imagery and descriptions in this are amazing. The words you use to start the poem slip off my tongue as I run through the lines. Unfortunately the the first two lines suddenly fall flat as you do not extend the description or come back to them. I would suggest relating back to this at the end or weaving it's meaning through the poem. But overall I really enjoyed the poem.
I have a couple of nitpicks. When you say:
[b]probably shouldn't
Make[\b]
I feel like this does not look right. The idea that you create two lines with one stanza is just not right. I don't know why.
Maybe split up the poem into separate stanzas. It would make the poem more impactful and easier to read. That being said I think you should make the poem a little longer to fully get your point across.
This was an interesting read but I really feel you need to find a way to get your point across. Make the poem the best and most memorable you can.
Well that's all from me,
Keep writing,
Godly
Hi there, just a quick review for your poem.
I really enjoyed reading it and you have an interesting title where you can find inspiration through it. It makes you poem like a magazine that has a wide range of issues to be submitted.
There is something about the beginning of this poem, but you did not explain it in detail so that its meaning becomes less clear. You also talk about Malary without clearly stating who she is.
I can see what it has to say, I just think you need to have a clear message here that will allows the reader to understand. Poetic words that do not necessarily have to be on the poem, it sometimes becomes a trap when only add confusion to the reader.
You may also consider to arrange your line break in your poem as it will affect a poem's sound, meaning, and appearance. Well, I found a cool website that may help you; http://literarydevices.net/line-break/
Keep writing
Really interesting focal point. I feel like it may have been hurriedly written, although that technique can lead to some fine poetical pieces. Try to explore your vocabulary a bit more, there is so much potential here and it didn't quite reach its entirety. You need to practise obtaining clarity.
Although it isn't easy to review poetical pieces due to the individualism involved as well as the poets personal perspective, feeling and sensation. Something that, as a poet, you can benefit hugely from is having an outsider present their opinion. You clearly have an exception grasp on the concept, but fluidity and oomph are lacking.