There aren't any tear stains on my pillow.
Sometimes, I wish there were.
Haven't I cried enough to prove how much it hurt?
Haven't I cried enough to the point where you can see me?
Haven't I cried enough?
~
Even when I’m sad,
even when I’m hurting,
it never creates any tear stains you see.
But I want you to see
that I'm hurting.
I want you to see how broken I feel.
(Why can't you see my cracked window?
It's in slow motion
as emotions
break it apart.
How long until it shatters?)
~
I want to pour a cup of water
a handful
a few drops
of sink water on my pillow
so maybe they’ll look like
tear stains.
~
But when I hurt you
I cry.
I cry so hard that water runs down my cheeks,
and my insides feel like broken shards of a mirror.
Twisted and melted and dark.
~
And I realize what happens when I cry–
you cry too.
I turn the pillow over
so you can’t see the
tear stains.
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,786 Reviews
Hey Orabella, wow, this was incredibly beautiful <3
Oh but this can mean so much more than just tear stains on a pillow. Maybe tears are bruises (have they hurt me enough?) or scars (have I hurt myself enough?) or a physical state (have I made myself sick enough?). Sometimes there is no proof of suffering. Just like how the kindest people in the world silently finish last. Or how the shy and unheard go unseen and their marvelous acts of kindness, which make our world a better place, continue though life without an ounce of recognition for how hard they are trying.
This reminds me of when I broke a window when I was 15 and going though the hardest time of my life. My dad didn't get it repaired until we moved. It was cracked, but not enough to fully break. Moving out has allowed me to finally break and learn to slowly put myself back together. But it's the question of why. Why didn't we just repair it earlier? Why couldn't you see me? Why do we need to wait for someone to shatter to hold them?
When you hurt someone else, you finally get those tears. That thought really allows me to feel empathy for those whose lives are seeded in hatred towards others. The reaction and response can be healing in its own way. You finally get those tears, but when it is you that is hurting, nothing comes. This ending and entire poem was very beautiful. Keep writing <3
Your friend,
Ellie
Aww, thank you so much for the review, Ellie!
I like what you said about being hurt and broken, it's true and sad and beautiful.
Not a full review, but this is beautiful and so sad-- I love the imagery and the message at the end. Such a heartwrenching twist and it conveys so much in a few words. Love your writing, I'm glad I saw this! <33
Thank you so much cookiesandcream123! It's been a while! Thanks again for the kind words.
Yw!! And yeaa, it's definitely been a while. T-T It makes me happy every time I log on and see the YWS community still going strong, though! Hoping to be more active in the summer, but we shall see *fingers crossed*
This is legit such a beautiful poem and it’s so relatable as well! (idk if that’s a good thing tho lmao, being able to relate to a poem about crying and built up feelings isn’t always a good thing)
clogged up emotions can be a real problem, and I really love the metaphors and expressions you used to illustrate that!
especially passages like these, they explain that frustration of wanting to cry but being unable to, either because you don’t want to cry in front of someone you don’t want to seem weak to, or you can’t cry because you just don’t have the right emotions in play together to make the waters work.
and then this, it’s so melancholic yet beautiful, you’ve done an awesome job portraying emotions!
this isn’t really an in-depth review, but i just came by to appreciate the writing! and there’s something o sympathizable(?) about this!
Thank you so much for your review! Even if it wasn't as "in-depth" as you wanted, it's still very helpful and it means a lot to me that you took time to review it! ^^
Wow, this is awesome! I love how well written it is and how the character goes through a wave of emotions and takes the reader on a journey of emotions again and again!
Thank you so much! Thanks for reading.
I really like the theme that you have here. It's a well known feeling of wishing someone else could see the trials and emotional distress that you feel. Yet, this poem has quite a different touch. Usually poems like these include the well known (and reasonably so) image of scars that the hurt individual wishes to reveal to others to tell their story of the difficulties they are going through. But you chose tear stains on a pillow. There's something more vulnerable feeling about that. Perhaps because a bed is supposed to be a place of relaxation and sleep and now it's become a place that the narrator wishes to be exposed as a place of true tribulation. Yet the tears aren't actually shed, so perhaps the narrator is too scared and ashamed to actually cry? And that is why the narrator desires to have their pillow covered in tears so that what the narrator is too scared to say may be revealed? An interesting twist.
But now if I'm reading this right, when the narrator hears about the person refered to as "you" is injured, the narrator cries. And when the narrator cries "you" cry, suggesting that the two hold a deep bond.
And when the person refered to as "you" cries, the narrator wants to hide her tears, the true tears shed on the pillow. A beautiful last three lines there and quite impactful!!
Overall, this piece carried great emotional feelings. However, as a minor suggestion, maybe change the punctuation on the line "and I realize that happens when I cry" the second line is supposed to be attached to that, but I thought they were two completely different sentences and got confused about the importance of the narrator realizing that she is crying. Maybe a dash would work better so that the two ideas appear more connected? Just a suggestion, take it or leave it.
Also, (I'm typing this on my phone so the thoughts are a little jumbled) but I thought that the questions starting with "haven't" formed a great introduction to the poem and created a question above all that was why this person was being ignored so much and what put her in agony.
Highlights were definitely the opening and closing. But all was well written!!
Hope this review finds you well!
-Kaia
Thank you so much Kaia! It means so much to me that you took time to review this. <3 And what you said was really helpful! Hopefully that line looks a little better with the dash now - tell me if it still seems wrong, though! I, for some reason, never thought of the connection between scars, so that was really insightful!
Thanks again! ^^
It looks better! You could also maybe use a comma if you think that looks better. So glad to be of help to you!!