When snow falls, the warmth drops,
And rain no longer drips.
Instead the steady flow of ice
melting off of rooftops descends
and makes icicles we used to lick.
~
Do you remember when we went outside
and built a snowman in the front yard?
I don't
But there are pictures with
the two of us
playing all day long.
~
The snow fell off the rooftop,
and we made a slide down it.
Our dad would make the steps to climb
and help us ride it down.
~
Do you remember those moments so long ago?
You were only four
when we left.
We never came back.
You see the pictures
but I get the feeling
you don't remember.
~
You don't remember.
I don't either.
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140,268 Literary Works • 673,077 Reviews
Hey friend! Wow, this poem was very beautiful. I sure enjoyed reading it. In my opinion, it was a wonderful reflection on the past. There's so much that we have experienced in our life, but the amount that we actually remember is tiny compared to what we can remember.
You share some very tender memories here. I assume that this person that you're with is your younger sister. Although, this poem could be totally different, and maybe telling the story of someone else who's not you. You talk about building a snowman in the front yard, how there are photographs that show this memory, but cannot remember it. This is so relatable to so many things in my life too. There's all these places that I've gone in childhood photos that I've seen. But I don't actually remember any of them. All I can do is look at the faces on the photos and try and guess how I felt that day. Perhaps I don't feel the emotions, but I guess the person I am right now is a result of those memories. All I have to show is who I have become, the way I think, the way I love and the way I show others that I care about them. The ways that I react and the dreams I have for the future all the result of the way I was raised and the memories that I experienced as a child.
I like how this poem wasn't only you talking about the lack of memories, but also you talking about how this other person doesn't remember them either. Both of you experience these events together but you both don't remember. You have also both grown and gotten older. Perhaps building a snowman could represent something so much greater. Perhaps it could represent emotions felt or trauma experienced. There's so much that we go through in our lives, especially with younger siblings. No matter what it represented, I love the beauty of this poem. It feels very tender, almost like watching the movie inside out, haha. We just see these old memories in a beautiful faded way. They're still there somewhere, just like there's an answer to every question somewhere. But they're just out of reach. Overall, lovely poem!
Your friend,
Ellie
Aww thank you so much for your review, Ellie! It always brightens my day when I log on and see you've reviewed one of my poems. And yes, it is my little sister, Lucid! Thanks again!! ^^
Hey! I saw this infront of the literacy spotlight section and was curious about the title
My first impressions of this extract was trying to connect with someone you haven't seen in years and the only memories you have of them are from pictures, and just by that I think it's already a compelling storyline.
My favorite part of this poetry was:
"Do you remember when we went outside
and built a snowman in the front yard?
I don't
But there are pictures with
the two of us
playing all day long."
I think it really tied and set the extract really well because it already gives you an idea of what the author is trying to express with childhood stories. You have really good imagery as well - not too much and not too little but enough to visualize the environment.
There are no major improvements that are needed honestly so..great job on this!! Loved it
Thank you so much for your review! ^^
Hello, friend!
You've crafted a beautiful and tragic piece about the fading memories of childhood and the wonder that we used to find in snow, ice, and winter altogether. It is a very true, common, and I would say very *human* problem for everyone who reaches a certain age, where those old memories just don't stand out anymore, and we begin to rely on the little reminders we keep around just to not lose them. And even then, as you described so well, there's no guarantee you'll remember what is reflected in the photos.
The consistent details about licking icicles, building snowmen, sliding in the snow, and even involving a family member ("Our dad would make the steps to climb...") bring out a true feeling of nostalgia that makes the theme of remembrance even more strong and meaningful.
As far as how the poem is written, I have no recommendations to make; the structure's nice, your choice of words was spot-on, and I can see no errors at all. Nothing to bring away from the imagery. Very cold imagery that ironically brings a sense of warmth, haha.
Great work! Love it!
Thank you so much for reviewing! It means a lot. ^^
wow. this is so sad and nostalgic. I really like it. My favourite part is,
"We never came back.
You see the pictures
but I get the feeling
you don't remember."
Thank you so much for your comment!