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I'll be there

by OofOof1


When everything seems that dark
And nobody's there
I promise I will stick up for you
Before this sky hits Dawn.
I hope I'm still alive
When the world's about to end
So I can have my last hug
Before we split up again.
Just know
I still love you
Either alive or dead.
Just know
I'm going to be there
Either day or night.
I just need you to do something
You'll never forget
Put my name on the sticky note
And put it on your head.

Until I'm gone. 


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21 Reviews


Points: 623
Reviews: 21

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Fri May 03, 2019 8:30 am
Leviari wrote a review...



Hello! Here's a brief review for you:

I enjoyed this read. This poem surely is very deep and meaningful and yet you skillfully managed to place a funny imaginary:

"I just need you to do something
You'll never forget
Put my name on the sticky note
And put it on your head."

I am very glad you added this part, because it subtly broke the solemn tone (conveyed by metaphors such as a dark night and the end of the world) and made me crack a smile. It made me think about my childhood friends and the silly games we used to play.

This brilliant concept elevated your poem and made it very original.

Well done!!




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484 Reviews


Points: 25811
Reviews: 484

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Fri May 03, 2019 6:26 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello, FlamingPhoenix here to talk about your poem, and to help get it out the green room for you.

Okay, let's start.

So first off, I just love the name you have picked for this poem. It has so much meaning and emotion behind it, just like your poem. And when I saw it I new I had to come and read what you have written, and I'm really glad I did. This poem, just shows the meaning behind friendship, and it's a really sweet thing. I know I have a few friends, that I would like to keep by me forever.
There is one line that I just love.

Just know
I'm going to be there
Either day or night.

This just got me smiling, and I new it was true.
Over all this was written really well, the punctuation was amazing, and so was the spelling. And I think everyone should read this,

Well I'm really glad I came and read this, because this poem has just made my day, and I'm really happy i had the time to read and review it for you. So don't ever stop writing and post more on YWS soon. Have a great day or night.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion.




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155 Reviews


Points: 11208
Reviews: 155

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Fri May 03, 2019 4:01 am
Toboldlygo wrote a review...



Hey there! Toboldlygo here for a review!

First thing I'm going to say is that as much as I love the title, there is actually a song out there with the same title. It's about a woman losing a husband on 9/11 and struggling to move on with life. That's not to say that I think you should change the title, but if you don't want it to have the same title as anything else out there, I'm letting you know. But there's plenty of stuff out there with a title in common, so I wouldn't worry about it unless you're really worried about copyright or you don't want to have associations.

I think this is a great poem! It's so hopeful and sweet, and it makes me think of a close friend or family member who's just so devoted to another person that he or she is willing to do anything to stay with that person. This entire piece reads of love and commitment and friendship and it's just so beautiful to see. I hope that if you wrote it for someone that person will see it because it's really amazing.

I would suggest breaking up the paragraphs a bit more to make it easier to read. It seems like the tempo stops and restarts as if there's a pause between verses, but the formatting is set up so that there isn't a clear distinction on verses. If you did intend for there to be verses, putting a blank line of space between them will help make it easier for the reader to follow where they are.

Overall, this is a great piece and I hope you're proud of it, because you should be! It's really a beautiful piece, and so full of emotion that you just can't help but love it. Excellently done!

Happy Writing!

Toboldlygo





The ink in which our lives are inscribed is indelible.
— Helena 'HG' Wells, Warehouse 13