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18+ Mature Content

LMS VI: Silver and Silk 0.6

by Omni


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for mature content.

CW: Molestation of minors

"Come on, Railyn. We gotta go." Ryun said in a hushed tone, like someone was watching them or listening in on them, when in reality it was just the rain accompanying them and their frantic thoughts. Well, Ryun's frantic thoughts.

"But, Ryun, they could be--"

"They're not." Ryun said harsher than he meant to, but at least the certainty in his voice gave Railyn enough pause to consider his words carefully.

"Where do we go?" Railyn managed to squeak out.

He didn't know the answer to that, and he didn't even think about that until Railyn spoke it into existence. But, he couldn't let Rai know that. He had to sound confident enough for the both of them. So, instead, he pointed to the darkness behind them, in the opposite direction of the dancing lights. The moonlight didn't allow for much more than guesswork, but he could hear the gentle roar of the sea in the distance, echoing gently underneath the babble of the river they had just been in. "We follow the cliffside, close to the water." There would have to be someone by the sea at some point. Hopefully they would be able to help them.

"Is home that way?"

"Yes." Ryun lied. He couldn't think about that now. They would have to cross the river to get away from whoever was tracking them. He scanned the river. The faint blue light bobbed with the rolling water. He learned early on, as every kid in his town did, that fast water was shallow water, and slow water was deep. It was one of the first lessons of the sea he did remember, and it barely scratched the surface of the delicacies of living by the sea, but it was all he needed to cross the water. He didn't know how far down the river went from his frantic time in the water, but he at least did recollect the rocks scraping against him while he tried to gain his footing. While the current was extremely strong on the shallow parts, they would at least be able to feel the bottom of the bank.

Ryun held out a hand to Railyn wordlessly, helping him to his feet. He couldn't decipher the look on his face, so he didn't try to delve. Instead, he stepped one foot back into the water. The rushing water soaked his sandals through once again and sent shivers up through his entire body. He grimaced for a moment, but tore the expression from his face; he couldn't allow his own discomfort bleed through to Railyn.

Railyn glanced back at the lights. Whatever he didn't say, Ryun knew was doubting Ryun's decisions. Ryun doubted himself. But, he'd much rather be wrong than be right and too late. He expressed all of this with a gentle tug on Railyn's hand he was still gripping onto. Together, they slowly crossed the river, their steps excruciatingly slow and exhausting. Railyn slipped twice, and Ryun slipped once, but they caught each other each time and continued on. Ryun didn't even look back at Railyn, or the oncoming intruders, because he knew his concentration would fail if he did.

Once the water went from their hips to their knees, Ryun pushed Railyn forward, helping him up the rocks onto the even ground before Ryun clambered up himself. Without the direct sound of the rushing water battering against his ears, Ryun could now hear the sound of disaster that was encroaching on them as they slowly passed through the river.

The thunder of hooves on stone and packed mud and hearty shouts rose above the sound of rushing water. Railyn had a moment to catch his breath, but Ryun didn't have that, because as soon as he heard the commotion, hooked his hand with Railyn's once more and took off running. He didn't have time to say anything to Rai, he didn't have time to think of anything to say. Thankfully, Railyn didn't physically object. Maybe he was hearing the same thing Ryun was finally.

The animals their pursuers were on had reached the river, judging by the splashes Ryun now heard. It was too soon, they were catching up to them too fast. Their shouts had begun to form the semblances of words, but one voice rose through the rest.

"Found us some runaways, boys!"

That one line sunk his heart to his knees and confirmed his suspicions. There was no help coming for them. Ryun let go of Railyn's hands to search his pockets. The fireplace poker he had taken from the cabin had vanished sometime in between their time in the mines and now, but he still had the knife given to him by Railyn. He unsheathed it from the folds of his clothing.

He heard an "Oomph" and glanced back. Railyn slipped on a rock and tumbled, falling to his knees and scraping them against the ground. Ryun slowed to a halt, his feet almost losing their grips on the rocks in protest to the sudden change of movement. Come on, get up! Ryun urged in his mind, but he didn't dare to say anything out load. Instead, he used his free hand to tug Railyn back up to his feet.

A spear landed in between them before Ryun could help, embedding itself solidly into the soil. Railyn recoiled in surprise and shock from the impact, landing back onto the ground before hurriedly scrambling back to his feet. They grabbed onto each other and ran once again. The rain intensified, but the moon shown through unbothered by the stormclouds, seemingly laying out the path ahead for them. As Ryun thought, they were indeed on the cliffside by the sea. It wasn't a terribly long drop to the coastline. If they were careful, they could slide down and be safe from the animals without outright falling into the sea. But what happened next?

His thoughts were splintered when a gruff voice shouted "Get them!" and he heard heavy hooves and footsteps behind them.

"Don't look back!" he shouted to both Railyn and himself. Railyn shrieked, and Ryun had to abandon his order to see what was going on behind him. Someone had gotten close to Railyn and almost grabbed him. Ryun yanked his arm and sent him sprinting forward. As the man got close once again, Ryun struck out with the knife, slicing at the man's arm. He was successful, as the man shouted in pain. But, before he could get back his speed, another man clutched his empty wrist so tightly he thought it would break. Instead, Ryun sunk the knife into the man's thigh and he let go, taking Ryun's knife with him into the almost pitch darkness.

Ryun turned to see how far Railyn had gotten, but his heart dropped. Railyn was struggling against the grip of another person, failing at it. They caught eyes, and they both knew... the fight was over.

Ryun stopped in his tracks, letting himself get caught. He was shoved to his knees, but he didn't care. His attention was on Railyn. He couldn't bare to look away, because he knew this was the final time he would see him.

"Look who we have hear, boys! A couple of strays." The same gruff voice from before shouted above the downpour of rain, and was met with roars and guffaws from his crowd and fellow people. "Looks like some were trying to escape! You know what to do, boys. Search 'em!"

The others cheered at that. Railyn was also brought to his knees. That was the last thing he saw of Railyn, though, because someone grabbed his jaw and forced him to look up. The man smiled down cruelly at him, and his face was cast in shadow, with only his few teeth shining from the sparce moonlight. Still staring at Ryun, the man spoke up. "We're gonna have to do this the hard way, boys." That garnered even more cheers from everyone. Two men surrounded Ryun on each side and pulled him up to his feet, holding onto his arms. The other one, still smiling, wiped curly strands of hair out of his face and unsheathed a sword.

Ryun struggled against his human restraints, with little success. He was going to die here. This was it.

But, no stab came. Instead, he felt his clothes being torn apart by the man's blade. He hesitantly opened his eyes and looked down. The man had pealed Ryun's shirt away from his body and sliced the fabric all the way up to his collar. He then sliced the sleeves of it, tugged at it, and let it fall to the ground in a crumpled mess. The rain and wind battered his bare chest, and he squirmed instinctively. The man seemed to enjoy his uncomfortability, and grinned sourly before looking down at Ryun's trousers. As soon as he registered what was about to happen, Ryun pulled against the two men holding onto his arms. Then, a split moment before the others, he realized his legs weren't being restrained and kicked the man straight in the crotch.

The man groaned and crumpled. "Get the legs!" he seethed out, and two more men immediately crouched down and held his legs still. Ryun tried to protest by buckling his knees, but he was being held up against his will. "You little shit," the man scowled out. "Now, I'm going to enjoy this." He stashed his sword and instead pulled out a dagger. Starting at Ryun's waist, he cut down one leg with one fell motion, scraping his thigh in the process. "Whoops," the main said, clearly lying. He hovered on the other pants leg, staring up at Ryun with sinister glee. Ryun couldn't help but watch in horror as the man sliced his other pants leg, and Ryun's trousers felt around him. His entire body, besides his sandals, were now exposed to the harsh elements and the harsher men who were not subtle with their intense staring at his groin. The man chuckled and hovered his dagger close to Ryun's nether regions. He glanced up into Ryun's eyes. No matter how much he wanted to, he couldn't look away. He just had to watch on as his dignity was stripped from him, washed away piece by piece with each droplet that disgraced his bare skin.

After what felt like forever, the man chuckled and tapped the tip of Ryun's penis with his dagger. "This one's clear!" he shouted without looking back, but he stood up so he was eye to eye with Ryun. He got unbearably close to Ryun and whispered so only he could hear him. "Someone's excited." He then turned his back on Ryun. Heat rushed to Ryun's cheeks and he swore he could see steam rising from the droplets the touched them.

"This one's clear, too."

"Release them." This voice was not one Ryun had heard yet. It was deep and silky smooth, almost alluring in the way it cradled the 's' before it moved on. As the voice said the order, all four men holding Ryun let go and he dropped to the ground. His first instinct was to look at Railyn, who had similarly fallen to his knees. He was just as naked as Ryun.

Ryun forced himself to look away as the source of the smooth voice stepped out from the darkness and held a lantern out, shining light onto his face and the area around him. Judging by his sharp looks and sharper clothes, he was important, and didn't belong with these ruffians. He walked up to them both, standing equally between them.

"Stand up," he ordered, and without thinking, Ryun obliged. Covering up his delicates, he struggled to his feet. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Railyn do the same. The man studied the both of them, then focused his attention on Railyn. Ryun took the moment to glance at him as well, making sure to keep his eyes on Railyn's face. Both of their dignities had been tarnished enough.

However, his attention was immediately drawn to Railyn's shoulder. The handprint from before was still there. It was blue, cool against Railyn's pale skin. The man leaned in on the handprint, then suddenly he grabbed Ryun's right hand, which was still planted firmly on his groin to cover himself up. Ryun struggled for just a moment, but the man was too strong, and he peeled Ryun's hand from him and held it against the lantern. It was then that Ryun noticed that his palm was also completely blue. The strange man placed Ryun's hand against his lantern, and instantly a burning sensation surged through his palm and shocked his arm. He recoiled, and the man let him, releasing his arm. Ryun stumbled back, and suddenly he realized just how close they were to the cliff edge.

No one else seemed to notice him almost falling, and the man had focused his attention back on Railyn. He pulled Railyn's left hand up. The palm was pale. He pulled Railyn's right hand up, completely exposing him to the men once again, which garnered some hoots from the onlooking crowd. The stranger didn't seem to care, and instead frowned at the blue palm of Railyn's right hand. He held Railyn's palm to the lantern, and Ryun braced himself to make sure Railyn didn't fall from the recoil.

But, Railyn didn't recoil. He didn't move at all, but he just stared at the strange man with awe plastered onto his face. The man turned to his fellows, not letting go of Railyn. "This is the one. Dispose of the other."

Before Ryun could register what exactly he had just said, the man who stripped him before stepped forward and stabbed Ryun in the stomach.

Ryun didn't even feel anything. He just stared at Railyn as he was pushed off the cliff. Water embraced him as his vision faded. 

┗━━✦❘༻༺❘✦━━┛

Wordcount: 2327

AN: And this is it! The final part of the prologue. If you've made it this far, thank you for sticking with it!


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Sun Jan 29, 2023 6:21 pm
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IcyFlame wrote a review...



Hi Omni! I don't know what of this I've already read (definitely some, probably not all) but it's Review Day and so review I shall! Sorry if I make reference to something you've already covered in a previous part and feel free to just ignore those comments.

Onto the review!

First off I just want to say I really like your character names. I always always always struggle to name my characters and I'm always jealous of people who can come up with such cool ones rather than like 'Jeff' or 'Fred'. So yeah, I like 'em.

"Where do we go?" Railyn managed to squeak out.

He didn't know the answer to that, and he didn't even think about that until Railyn spoke it into existence.

The repetition of 'that' here made the sentence sound a bit clunky to me. I also felt like it was a bit overengineered, just in the sense that 'until Railyn spoke it into existence' felt a bit OTT for this particular response. The question of 'where do we go' seemed so basic that the addition of 'until Railyn spoke it into existence' seemed a bit dramatic. I liked the phrase, but I would think it would fit better elsewhere. (I feel like I've explained this so badly, sorry!)

I really liked the characterisation in this part, and the way you show the relationship between the two of them. It's clear Ryun views himself as the protector and the responsible one. I'm sure that's something you're going to play off in later chapters and I think you've set it up really well at the start here.

Whew, the rest is intense! I'm not going to go through it all line by line because it was heavy, but I'll say that overall it was well written and because you'd built up the characters of these two well already I felt all the more worried for them. The only specific line I felt was out of place was this:
Covering up his delicates, he struggled to his feet.

I think it's the use of 'delicates' because it almost gives a joking, humorous tone to something that is very much not so it sounded a little off to me.

I also agree with winter's comment about the droplets. That whole paragraph was a little difficult for me to follow, I think because you were trying to allude to something without saying it but I read it through a couple of times and was still a bit lost.

Normally I wouldn't be worried about a character dying so early in a book because you know they're going to be fine but this is a prologue so I'm... more concerned. I hope Ryun is ok!

I think for a prologue you've built up a good level of intrigue but I do worry that it's so heavy from the offset. I'm sure there's reason for it, but I personally would find it hard to continue with a book where these kind of issues have occurred in the prologue, before I've even got going with the story.

Hope this was helpful, and please feel free to ask if you have questions about my review <3

Icy




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winterwolf0100 wrote a review...



Thoughts? Thoughts! Thoughts. *serious nod*

So I'm just gonna get straight into it because my mind has been processing since I read yesterday, we'll see what happens with this, yeah?

"Where do we go?" Railyn managed to squeak out.


Nice characterization, not often a character squeaks something out. Definitely showcases how Railyn is feeling, and shows that Ryun doesn't often say things very harshly to him, which is an amazing amount of information to be able to fit into such a short line.

He didn't know the answer to that, and he didn't even think about that until Railyn spoke it into existence. But, he couldn't let Rai know that. He had to sound confident enough for the both of them.


Love getting to read this thought process. You can see how he got from one point to another, which is very nice!

"Is home that way?"


This brings back in something I brought up in the previous chapter. I'm struggling to figure out exactly why Ryun is lying to Railyn here in a context that fits with them being teenagers. I'm particularly struggling to figure out how a teenager would ask something this naive after nearly dying in a river. Obviously, this is more of a problem that you don't have the time currently to go back and revise the prologue because of the nature of LMS, which I understand, so this isn't that prominent of an issue, but it is something that presses on my mind.

Random question: how did the people track them through the mines? Wouldn't they also have fallen when the floor gave out? If so, how are they on horses? Just a few things to consider, I suppose?

he couldn't allow his own discomfort bleed through to Railyn.


Nothing to say except I love this description.

He expressed all of this with a gentle tug on Railyn's hand he was still gripping onto.


It's slightly painful how slowly they're moving currently, especially since Ryun already seems to think they're being tracked and followed. I wonder why he wouldn't be in a bit more of a rush, or why the tug wouldn't be a little more sharp out of worry and anxiety to move faster?

That one line sunk his heart to his knees and confirmed his suspicions. There was no help coming for them.


This line hurts ;-; ouch. I can feel the tension so much, which is bravo to you as an author, but painful for me as a reader.

Small grammatical note that I think it would be "Railyn had slipped on a rock and tumbled" rather than just "Railyn slipped on a rock and tumbled" since the noise already happened.

MOVING ON.

Come on, get up!


This! More of this! I want to hear Ryun's thoughts! I want to feel like I'm reading them directly! Love it.

The rain intensified


Straight up forgot it was raining. So umm... maybe mentioning that a few extra times before now XD

Ryun had to abandon his order to see what was going on behind him.


For some reason, I'm having a hard time understanding what this means?

They caught eyes, and they both knew... the fight was over.


Ouch. Again. ;-;

So since we're getting into the part that the CW refers to, I'm not sure how in-depth I'll go with my comments here, or if I do things, I'll likely just use regular quotations instead of the quotation feature so they aren't standing out against the webpage.

"He was going to die here. This was it." These two sentences. Wow. Very impactful and strong.

Eww eww ewwwwww we're getting into the gross territory. I do wonder logistically... why these men are doing this? Is it because of the humiliation it serves? I have to assume so, though it definitely has an uncomfortable air of almost something sexual around the whole thing? Especially with them "staring at his groin".

I'm also confused on what's being implied by "He just had to watch on as his dignity was stripped from him, washed away piece by piece with each droplet that disgraced his bare skin." What are the droplets? Is it the rain? It's pretty unclear, and especially confusing when the man later murmurs to Ryun that "Someone's excited", which made it hard to tell if the droplets were meant to refer to something... other than rain? If that isn't the explanation for the "Someone's excited" line then I'm completely at a loss, because there's nothing else referred to that it seems like that could be talking about. That line especially is very sexual.

I guess I wonder your reasoning on why you went that direction with this scene in particular, or why you felt that particular element was necessary to really paint the picture you wanted to paint? I'd love to hear your thoughts behind that, just because it is such an intense subject, which doesn't mean it can't be tackled in writing, but it does beg the question regardless.

Moving on from that section--

It was deep and silky smooth, almost alluring in the way it cradled the 's' before it moved on.


Love this description, it really paints a picture. It had me saying the line outloud several times trying to figure out how someone could cradle an 's' XD.

"which garnered some hoots from the onlooking crowd." Nothing to say except eww. That is a teenage boy. Why are they hooting? (This is a rhetorical question, it is a gross detail but it definitely paints the picture for the scene and is in character).

"This is the one. Dispose of the other."


THE WAY MY HEART DROPPED TO MY STOMACH.

This is so BRILLIANT. Omni I can't express how I feel about this in words because ahhhhhh. Usually, you're not reading something like this. In fantasy, it's generally the main character who is "the one". And the way you wrote the rest of the prologue made it seem like both of them are "the ones", so reading the whole thing only to discover at the end that the one who's been narrating the whole thing ISN'T the one is just-- AH. Very well done. Very good plot twist.

The ending is sad and very hhhhhhhhh, gives me a lot of anxious energy. RYUNNNN MY PRECIOUS BABYYYYYYY PLEASE DON'T DROWN. So sad. So so sad. He'll be okay though. He better be okay. -_-

So umm... yeah. These are my thoughts, questions, etc. Hope they don't disappoint, I know you were wanting to read them XD This review is definitely a bit shorter than some of my previous ones and some parts may not go as in-depth so I am sorry for that. I went as in-depth as I was comfortable going, but some of this was hard for me to read and think of objectively from a "how is the writing style" point of view". Again though, hopefully it's not disappointing, because you're always a fantastic writer, and this chapter definitely made me feel some strong emotions XD. Which is a sign of your skill, so I hope you recognize that.

Alrighty, I think I'm gonna wrap this up here. Hope this was helpful or at least fun to read. I know it's fun to receive feedback on work. :] Hopefully this feels that way. Good job, and I look forward to reading more! We're onto the first chapter now, ahhhhh!!

Goodbye! <3




Omni says...


Winteeeerrr <3 I am so glad you finally got to read the finale of the prologue! I am pretty proud of this so I'm glad you got to it, although I am sorry it affected your mind when you did

Random question: how did the people track them through the mines? Wouldn't they also have fallen when the floor gave out? If so, how are they on horses? Just a few things to consider, I suppose?


Magic~ but also it shall be explained at a later date

It's slightly painful how slowly they're moving currently, especially since Ryun already seems to think they're being tracked and followed. I wonder why he wouldn't be in a bit more of a rush, or why the tug wouldn't be a little more sharp out of worry and anxiety to move faster?


Well they did almost drown XD so I was trying to convey more that Ryun knew Rai was in a fragile state at that point and trying to balance rushing and trying not to rush Railyn.

This line hurts ;-; ouch. I can feel the tension so much, which is bravo to you as an author, but painful for me as a reader


<3 im glad it wasn't too on the nose

For some reason, I'm having a hard time understanding what this means?


idk either XDD I didn't go back to try to understand but out of context I am at a loss

Eww eww ewwwwww we're getting into the gross territory. I do wonder logistically... why these men are doing this? Is it because of the humiliation it serves? I have to assume so, though it definitely has an uncomfortable air of almost something sexual around the whole thing? Especially with them "staring at his groin".


Humans get carnal during war, and tend to do worse things than just murdering people. This was hinting to that without going all the way because I was already bordering on what I was comfortable with writing.

I'm also confused on what's being implied by "He just had to watch on as his dignity was stripped from him, washed away piece by piece with each droplet that disgraced his bare skin." What are the droplets? Is it the rain? It's pretty unclear, and especially confusing when the man later murmurs to Ryun that "Someone's excited", which made it hard to tell if the droplets were meant to refer to something... other than rain? If that isn't the explanation for the "Someone's excited" line then I'm completely at a loss, because there's nothing else referred to that it seems like that could be talking about. That line especially is very sexual.


The droplets are rain battering at his bare skin, washing away what was left of his "dignity". Someone's excited in the arousal sense. Hope that clears things up without me explaining it more (I can in a DM if you need me to)

I guess I wonder your reasoning on why you went that direction with this scene in particular, or why you felt that particular element was necessary to really paint the picture you wanted to paint? I'd love to hear your thoughts behind that, just because it is such an intense subject, which doesn't mean it can't be tackled in writing, but it does beg the question regardless.


I had this planned from the very beginning, actually. I wanted to explore the sense of trauma in war and how it would affect someone who has same sex attraction in different ways. War isn't just battle, it's loss and stripping bare the pride of a civilization and its people. I think Ryun and Railyn experience that quite personally in this section. While, no, this wasn't "needed", I do think it serves a purpose in the story. And, there is some aspect as a writer where it's a bit therapeutic to explore these topics in writing with the barrier of fantasy behind it, especially if it has happened to you. Sometime in the story I will be able to explore coming to terms with this trauma, and that's something only writing fantasy will allow me to do.

I love your review and thank you so much for reading and sticking through with it so far! I know the prologue dragged on a bit, but I'm hopeful that this will get some blood pumping in the story and set up some questions! I'm glad the hook and the cliffhanger was actually surprising c: and chapter one will be published as soon as I have time to actually edit it a bit to make it a bit more readable. Chapter one has some rough patches because I was word vomiting for a bit, and it's going to feel like a completly different story for a bit there before you can start piecing things together.



winterwolf0100 says...


Thank you for giving all your thoughts and responses to this! I think that writing traumatic things like this can be extremely therapeutic, especially for someone to explore when they are a part of a minority group and there are very real dangers that come with that. I just wanted to hear your explanation on it, so I'm glad you shared your thoughts. Thank you <3

Also, of course! No need to thank me for reading, I'm hooked since the first upload! I'll be excited to read more!




Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
— Mark Twain