Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!! I'm doing the rounds of the LMS works and this is my next victim
First Impression: Okayy, this is a pretty cool start. Did not disappoint. I think its a lovely place to start what I believe I remember you calling a prologue. Loved the characters so far. Their interactions are priceless and I already love them together although if I remember right getting attached to them interacting with each other is a bad idea going forward in this novel. There were a couple of places where the broke a bit for me though which is pretty all I could find as far as issues here are concerned.
Anyway let's get right to it,
It was an evening like any other, that evening, besides the storm that had just rolled in. Storms like this one weren't uncommon by any means, but it did mean that Ryun and Railyn couldn't actually go outside to go play, unless they wanted to get chastised by their mothers for ruining their clothes with mud and grime and water. It would take weeks to get the stains out of their trousers, their mothers would say, and you would get yourself hurt running in the mud like that, they would say. It wasn't their mothers that stopped them from playing outside, of course, but the sound of the first crack of thunder that ushered them inside.
Well this is weirdly nostalgic xD. Quite the start there. Definitely establishes pretty quickly what sort of age they could be in this piece and also the kind of attitude they had. Its a good start here, although its a bit wordy somehow. I don't quite know why, but when I'm trying to read this I find myself a little out of breath in places which is a good sign something's just a little too long in some places. Could just be me but I thought I'd mention it because that does make the flow sound a bit clunkier than it actually is.
And so Ryun and Railyn were stuck inside the former's house, Railyn playing with a wooden top absentmindedly while Ryun used his not-very-sharp knife to whittle away at a small figurine. Railyn sighed as the top sputtered out and skipped across the wooden floor to flop next to the fireplace. He scrambled to a sitting position and peered over at Ryun's task, who noticed him out of the corner of his eyes and covered the project up with his hands, holding it close to his chest. "No peeking." Ryun chastised mockingly, his voice cracking with the signs of the boy dipping his toes into manhood.
Gotta love the irony of that childish denial while you say he's about to approach manhood there. Its a love introduction to the dynamic here I think. I'm gonna take a very wild guess and say these two are very important to the story *wink* and so this is lovely to see upfront.
"Oh, come on, Ryun. I'm bored and you're just sitting there not actually playing with me." Railyn hmphed and crossed his arms, plastering a huge frown onto his tiny face.
"I wanted to make you something, just didn't think it would take this long." Ryun inspected his shoddy knife. "If only I had something better."
"Yeah, if only you didn't almost cut off your finger."
"Hey!" Ryun brandished his knife in a mock-threatening manner. "Who's going to lose a finger, now?"
"Oh, you're on!" Railyn scrambled to his feet and grabbed a wooden staff with one end covered with voloor wool. Ryun got to his feet, grabbing a down pillow from the bedside.
Ahh, well this seems to be pretty much every friendship ever at this age, especially when we've got two boys involved and I love it. I think you're capturing that easy banter pretty well and I adore how easily it immediately turns into a full on fight scene.
"En garde!" Ryun shouted, something he had heard from the actual sparring sessions he watched his father do. He widened his stance, something he mimicked from actual fighters from his village, and held his pillow with both hands to one side, ready to strike.
Railyn squinted threateningly. He hopped, spreading his legs out so far that he almost lost his balance, and held the club out as far as his small arms could handle. The club wavered.
Railyn surged forward first, but Ryun was too quick for the younger boy, and the down pillow crashed swiftly upon his shoulder. He yelped, and the club fell from where Railyn aimed, smacking Ryun on his thigh instead of his annoying head (not that he would have reached Ryun's head anyway, but it was the thought the counted for Railyn). Ryun gasped --mostly for effect-- and toppled to the ground. Railyn chirped in triumph and flopped onto Ryun's back with full force, completing ditching his weapon of choice for a more brutal, hands-on approach.
Okay, I love this fight is presented here. I think it does a good job of sort of subtly telling us what sort of background the two of them come from because there's not so much the whole random yelling and screaming loudly while waving hands and more actual sort of fight moves they seem to have picked up from others. Its a pretty neat way of sort of showcasing a teeny, tiny bit of worldbuilding here. Either that or I'm overanalyzing which is incredibly likely.
Ryun jabbed Railyn's armpits, a dual strike that brought the boy to his knees as he crumpled and fell to the side, a deep chuckle rumbling within him and begging to be let loose, much to Railyn's dismay and Ryun's joy.
Ryun obliged the laugh and wrapped one arm around Railyn, trapping him as his other arm went in for the kill, tickling the boy. Railyn's laughs started swiftly, filling the cabin with light-hearted joy as he struggled to free himself from the older boy's grasp. He could barely get a breath in, let alone a word as he wanted to curse out Ryun in any way he could think of --which, admittedly, was not a lot-- and, at the same time, beg him to let Railyn go.
Finally, for what seemed like forever, Railyn gasped out a "Stop! Stop!" and Ryun obliged, just only after one excruciatingly long moment of a continuous tickle. After that, though, Ryun released Railyn and allowed the boy to regain his breath and his dignity. Railyn stared daggers at his older friend and punched him in the shoulder. "I told you, tickling's off limits." He seethed.
Okayy well, I kind of felt like that fight lasted a beat too long there. It went from, oh cute, they're about to fight, to damn these two really be fighting to oooh we've got a really, really good fight on our hands to the point where it was just like...okay that's a bit too much detail for a fight that's pretty much inconsequential. It could once again just be me, but I felt like the excitement gave away to just, oh please end already towards the last couple of paragraphs. Not to say the action itself was bad, I love the way you write this, it just lost the excitement after a bit because we don't really have stakes of any sort here to actually keep us entertained.
A flash of blinding lightning flooded the windows, followed by a booming thunder that rattled the glass panes. Railyn involuntarily shuddered. The young boy still had not completely gotten over his fear of the loud storms. Ryun couldn't blame him.
A strange, hollow yet deep kind of whistling followed the void after the thunder, and it set the hairs on the back of both the boy's necks on edge. Railyn turned to Ryun with a questioning look, but Ryun's attention was outside. Something was off. There was something... wrong with the sound of the rain on the roof.
Oooh, love the tension here. Its a classic to have the ol storm with the weird sounding wing but it never really gets old and it really seeps straight into your bones here. Let's see where this is going (Although given how close we're to the end I'm gonna assume I'll have to read more parts to figure that out.)
A deep, rumbling horn bellowed from the darkness, followed by another, and another. It sounded similar to the goat horns of his village, but darker and louder, carrying itself through even the sounds of the storm.
Something deep inside Ryun begged him to run immediately, but instead he stepped back inside and latched the door shut, checking on Railyn as he turned his back to the horns of war.
Lovely place to cut that off here. Now I'm going to have to try incredibly hard not to immediately read the next part xD which is always a good sign that you've nailed this part.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, I think this is a lovely start here. Really not much I can find wrong with this and that place you've cut this is off is just golden as far as getting us to read on is concerned.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.