Quite fancy, it was,
How the British call their crush,
Like a friend said,
I do fancy her,
But like, as I say, would be a better term,
But best is her obvious beauty,
Sun-kissed and hugged by her country's pride,
Hugged, was the thing I wish I cold do,
But alas, only a wish was the only thing I cold do too,
Like a common teenager,
I fawned for someone I barely knew,
But with days just passing,
It felt like months and years were due,
With her time was just another word in the dictionary,
Just like fancy,
I wish she did too.
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Canary word: Present
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140,145 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
First of all I don't mind that your poem is centered and I certainly don't think it's wrong in any way I think the previous comment on that has nothing to do with poetry, so don't worry about that part. I think your poem is very sweet and enjoyable to read. The wording is simple and easy to understand with a joyful tune in it. Even if there is no deep meaning in your poem it reflects positive feelings and as I said is very enjoyable to read. However you could alter the ending and replace the last verse with something deeper so you can give a more serious tone to your poem. If you can work on that I think it could be much better.
Thanks for the review. I found the centering idea problem was confusing too, thanks for clarifying.
I normally don't reply to others reviews, and I sure as heck don't want to come off rude but I felt like I had to justify my review a bit on the whole centering of the poem ordeal.
The big thing about centering a poem over all is that some poetry formatting choices don%u2019t resonate well with editors of literary journals. There is a perception among some newer poets that centering the text of a poem somehow makes it look and feel more poetic. However few editors fall for that ruse, and some have been known to be dismissive of centered poems. If your poem can be left justified without doing damage to the meaning of the poem, you may want to consider ditching the center justification if it helps your work get published in a well-known literary journal. That said, as with spacing, if there is a reason other than %u201Cit looks nice%u201D that your poem must be centered, then by all means go with what you want.
Smaller reasons on why I brought it up are:
-A lot of times, when you center a poem it makes the work look less professional.
-It shows a youngness in writer/poet
These are things that I have learned and/or been told as a poet myself. In fact some of this has been told to me by editors. I don't want to appear rude in this response but I just wanted to clear it up. If you want to leave your poem centered then go for it.
Ok, well first off hey there NathanRaux,
Myjaspercat her to drop you a review.
So first let's talk about your poem as a whole. I typically do a line by line but as I read this poem I became super confused after the first line. Maybe it is just me but your ideas don't feel like they flow as well as they should. It feels like you have many different ideas in this one poem and while that isn't a bad thing, depending on how you write it, more then one idea can lag down a piece. Yet, I could be interpreting this wrong and this could all be one idea. Anyway, let's move on.
Capitalization and punctuation. Here's a big issue I found with this poem. First of all, let me say that your poem doesn't have to be centered, right now the centering of the text is odd and it feels wrong in a sense. Second, you do not have to capitalize the first word of every line, especially if the sentence that that word belongs to hasn't ended yet [which in this case it hasn't but we'll get back to that.] If you capitalize every word at the beginning of a line, it can make the text more difficult to read because it becomes straining to the eye. You want to have those variations in there.
Now onto the punctuation. Right now this entire pome is one long-long sentence. There are a couple things that I want to say here. First, you don't have to have punctuation at the end of every line in your poem. Feel free to leave a line here or there naked. Remember that every time you put any form of punctuation your reader is going to stop to take some form of a pause. Sometimes you want to have parts of your poem read faster then others, or you want it to be read slower punctuation does that. Just as you don't have to have punctuation at the end, you don't have to leave it out of the middle either. To clarify, feel free to throw in a period or a comma in the middle of a line. Sometimes ideas just end, no need to drag it on.
Anyway, those were the three big things I felt to be lacking in your poem. I would totally love to review an edited copy of this. Don't be discouraged. Feel free to ask me questions if I didn't make sense. Good luck and continue writing.
Thanks! I'll be editing it next week