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Cure Yawn See Daddy (June 10th)

by NathanRaux

Forever shall I quench,

The thirst I have,

To have the knowledge that I never had.


Man's greatest enemy;

Man's best friend;

The worst of the best,

And the best of the worst.

He who haunts me in my sleep,

The time he leaves this home we all live in,

Will never come.

He is there,

With us,

All the time,

Like a friend;

A true friend,

Both at your good times,

Always at your bad times,

Curiosity drives us.

He who surely wakes us up;

He who gives us greatness,

Fueling us to the better us;

Helping us reach what we want to be,

He is the circuit to technology,

The wood to fire,

The oxygen to the lungs,

He is fundamental.

He is mandatory.

Better than anything I have heard,

He is omnipresent;


He is true, forgiving, and easy;

Yet he is false, unforgiving and hard.

He is different from anybody else.

At curiosity's peak;

Although it will be hard to find,

It'll take days to trek,

Days that will never past.

Generations upon generations,

He's there,

With us,

As a companion.

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805 Reviews

Points: 1758
Reviews: 805

Wed Jun 21, 2017 1:03 am
Aley wrote a review...

Hey NathanRaux,

First off, I'm glad you've been sticking around. It's nice to see you've been here for almost month already. It looks like you just missed out on Review Day, which is a shame, but you'll see it this weekend.

Alright onto talking about the review. I'm going to be writing this review in the YWS style of the critiquing sandwich. Most of the time it doesn't have the headings. I'm adding that on so you can see how the system works better in case you are unfamiliar with it. If you've never heard of that, here's the article that explains it. The YWS Critique Sandwich

Top Bun: What I liked.

I like that you're using the idea of a palindrome without actually using a palindrome. You have most of this poem basically set up as palindromes stuffed together which sort of makes it look unique to a reader who's just focused on what words were used rather than the meaning behind the words.

Meat: What needs improvement.

I do think that you've sacrificed the meaning of this poem with all of this palindrome stuff though. You went a little overboard with it, and while I like the concept, I'd like it to be a little toned down. Poetry is always one of those cases where less is more.

I think you should stop trying so hard honestly. Creating unique and original poetry isn't about getting the right words in the right order, or creating these paradoxes for people to puzzle out, it's about having an open conversation with your speaker, and creating a story, a full life within that speaker, and presenting a glimpse of it to the audience. Whether that speaker is a flower, or a person, it doesn't matter. You have to bridge that gap with dialogue, metaphor, symbolism, and simplicity.

Bottom Bun: Conclusion

All in all, I think you just need to keep going. This idea is a good one, and you have a technique that could be fun to play with later, but develop the idea in a new poem where you use none of these phrases. Leave nothing of the old poem, but approach the same idea of curiosity always being with us. Instead of telling us, show us. Work with creating an image of curiosity and haunting someone with it. Make it obvious what is going on, and explain this fable to us. I think it'll come out better the more times you write new versions of the poem. The more ways you learn to say "Curiosity is always there" in a poem form, the more creative you'll have to become, and the less satisfied you will be with poems that aren't utilizing enough imagery.

I hope this helps and if it hasn't helped that much, you can always check out this amazing resource. Original Poetry This is one of the ones I go to whenever I'm stuck on what to write next.

I'll see you around!
- Aley

NathanRaux says...

No offense, but the intention of a palindrome for my poem was not there, I don't get what you mean, is it okay if you elaborate?

Aley says...

I would be happy to elaborate. A palindrome is something that is the same backwards and forwards such as a word like "racecar" or a sentence like "Said he of me of he said" although it's clunky at best. You use the idea of a palindrome, same one way as the other in phrases like
"The worst of the best,
And the best of the worst."

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284 Reviews

Points: 4250
Reviews: 284

Mon Jun 19, 2017 9:52 pm
RubyRed wrote a review...

Hello, NathanRaux. Wow!

I don't know what it is about this poem, but I think that I like it because it can be interpreted in different ways. For me it almost seems like you're talking about God. I don't like free-verse, but I do like this poem so keep up the good work! And just as a suggestion, maybe group the stanzas so it's easier to keep one's place when reading? Anyways, good luck in your future works!


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55 Reviews

Points: 4517
Reviews: 55

Sun Jun 18, 2017 11:17 am
DarshayataDeka says...

I have read another poem of yours about sisters and I think both these poems are equally awesome. You use just the words to describe what curiosity really is. Loved this poem! And yes, I am looking forward for more such works fron you. The words, the phrases and the way you write them is absolutely fantastic

By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach.
— Winston Churchill