Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
Break the chains,
The rope, the cloth,
Remove them from my body,
They're not really soft.
Erase me from your mind,
And let it all at ease.
Apparently I am dark,
I am ruthless,
I am nothing like a kind sheep.
Me, a monster,
Me, a lost, wandering soul,
Me, everything that a wolf should be,
It is I,
The one you hate,
The one you despise.
Moan not with satisfaction and pleasure,
But with a horrendous, horrified and high-pitched groan/
Yell not like how the waves hit the rocks,
But how a knife scratches glass.
Glass that would be broken,
Shatter me,
Yet you can't,
Because you cannot break a sword,
A sword that's already broken.
Sacred, my secrets,
My secrets of my deep sadness.
It's not my darkness you see,
But the tears of my agony.
I show my catastrophe,
I don't give calamity.
Like a mirror reflects your identity,
My emotions,
My body language,
It reflects my animosity,
My life,
My well being.
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,733 Reviews
Hi Nathan, I really enjoyed the feels of your poem. The one thing that bugs me is all the commas. I would suggest removing all of the commas at the ends of the lines so that the reader doesn't feel the need to pause at each one. Other than that I can't find anything significant to improve. A couple of lines are a little weird, I guess. Like "I am nothing like a kind sheep." It might sound better if it was just "I am nothing like a sheep" or something. Overall, nice work. My favorite part was "I show my catastrophe, I don't give calamity." It really gives the emotion of the poem, as well as flows beautifully.
Ps. I imagined this poem being read in a dark cafe all dramatic-like and it was awesome
I love the symbolism. I could totally feel the emotion pouring through each stanza! I can tell you're a very talented poet. One thing I would change is the line "They're not really soft.", I think the word really doesn't fit very well. I would make it something like "They're not very soft". The middle part where you talked about moaning and swords was really fun to read, and the ending tied it up well!