Alpha - 5

by NafaKitty

Published June 12, 2018

16+ Language Violence

In Alpha

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.

Teveryx sat down heavily on one of the chairs and leaned back, hooking one of his legs on the table so he wouldn’t fall backwards.

“Ryx, what have I told you about sitting in chairs? All legs on the floor,” Aayadelle said, giving her son a stern look. He grinned at her and put the chair down with a loud thud.

Cerwyn sat down next to his brother, keeping his hands in his lap. He glanced up at Aflenthia and looked away quickly. He was the older of the twins and was in line to become the next Alpha of Talyn’s pack, especially since Teveryx was an Omega and couldn’t be an Alpha.

“We’re gonna need supplies. Solarys is the Grand Elder of Lanoxys, so she’ll be the closest. Her home is in Aspyn, from here it should only take a day and a half to get there,” Kaya paused and looked at Kaya, “I would greatly appreciate it if we could talk to Solarys first instead of just barging in and killing her. I wouldn’t go over well with others of our kind if we did that.”

Kaya nodded, “I agree. I would rather we talk and try to settle this whole ordeal with the minimum amount of bloodshed as possible.”

Xalyn walked in, the door slamming open. He glared at Kaya and the rest of the wolves, barely keeping a snarl from escaping him. “Let me guess, I’m the bad guy now? Told all of you that I blew everything out of proportion, that she really is the Lunar Queen? Well, she’s not. She’s lying to you.”

“Actually, she didn’t tell us any of that,” Aflenthia said, standing, and walking over to him. “She admitted that she wasn’t the Lunar Queen, but that she didn’t she that she wasn’t. You did blow this whole damn thing way out of proportion. You wouldn’t listen to her, refused to allow her to explain.”

“If you had, you would have seen that there was no way she would have known she wasn’t the Lunar Queen. You never gave her the chance. It’s your fault that you never figured it out. You never allowed her to use her Mana on anyone. You always have to be in control of everything.” Aayadelle poked Xalyn in the chest.

He didn’t say anything, not with Talyn standing there. He was grateful for Talyn’s hospitality, for letting him stay here for all this time; for helping them learn about this new era. He scowled at Kaya and stomped up the stairs.

Aflenthia shook her head, “He’s such a…what’s the word? Douchebag. You shouldn’t mind him, at all. He isn’t worth your time.”

Aayadelle and Talyn nodded, “She’s right. He’s a total douche. I can’t believe him,” Talyn said, glancing up the stairs, his lips thinned. If Xalyn had paid any attention to anyone other than himself, he would have known better than to say something so disrespectful about Kaya in front of him. Talyn hated when males disrespected a female in front of him.

Talyn shook his head and turned back towards the three women, leaning against the door frame. “We’ll leave at first light. Cerwyn, Teveryx you two will come with us. The twins stared at each other, their eyes wide.

“Go with you? What? Why?” Cerwyn asked.

“You need more field experience. You need to learn how to take control of a situation. You can do that by watching and doing,” Talyn said.

“Of course Father,” Cerwyn said, casting his eyes down.

“Kalyx, I shouldn’t have to say it, but you’re in charge until I return.” Talyn clapped Kalyx on his shoulder with a small smile.

“As you command, sir.” Kalyx nodded and put his fist over his heart.

Kaya retired with Aflenthia to her room, refusing to go back to the room that she and Xalyn had shared. She and the other woman did not do much talking, choosing instead to sleep. They had a long day ahead of them and they would need to be well rested. They arose before the sun awoke from its slumber.

There was something about the very early hours of the morning. The hours between 5 a.m. and 7 a.m. to be exact. They were peaceful. Most beings were still sleeping in those hours, a select few just waking to begin their day. To Aflenthia, it was ethereal.

Aflenthia and Kaya dressed and walked outside together. Mamba and Winchester had returned sometime that night and were standing beside each other and talking. Talyn and Aayadelle leaned against a dark red SUV, their arms wrapped around each other, and their twins standing on either side of them.

Cerwyn was wide awake and looking around while his brother was barely functional. Teveryx leaned against the SUV, yawning over and over again.

Aflenthia scowled when she saw Xalyn walk from around the other side of the vehicle. “Why is he here?” she asked.

“I asked him to accompany us after discussing it with Talyn last night,” Winchester said. “When we get to Solarys, having the Lunar King with us will likely prove to be very helpful. I know that it’s not under the best circumstances, but we need to put our differences aside for this mission.”

Kaya stared at Xalyn, a frown pulling at her lips. “I will be fine, Ali. I do not mind if he comes along. Winchester is correct. It would be good to have a member of the Lunar Pair with us for this.”

Ali stared at Kaya for a moment, chewing on her lips before nodding. She bumped Kaya on the shoulder and smiled at her, trying to be supportive. “Fine, but he’s not sitting next to you nor talking to unless it is absolutely necessary.”

Kaya smiled at Aflenthia and bumped her back. Talyn frowned and shook his head. “We need to get going. I don’t want to waste anymore time. Just go ahead and get this over with.”

The day and a half long ride was tense, no one speaking to each other. Aayadelle had tried to strike up conversation with the others, but it only lasted for a few words.

The entrance to Solarys’ home was guarded by a large gate made of black metal that Aflenthia couldn’t identify. It had beautiful swirling designs with round edges. There was a guard house off to the side with no one in it, and the gate was slightly ajar.

They all exchanged a look. Something was off. The gate should be closed and there should be a guard. Aflenthia thinned her lips and left the car when Talyn pulled to a stop. She walked over to the guard house and her eyes widened, her hands going to her mouth. Red painted the inside of the small building. The stench of death assaulted her nose. Entrails were strewn about like macabre Christmas decorations.

She turned towards the others and shook her head when she saw the twins walking towards her. They both stopped and glanced back at their parents. The guard’s body wasn’t in the guardhouse. The older wolves walked over to her.

Aayadelle covered her mouth and stepped away quickly, trying to keep herself from vomiting. The men growled low and began looking around, as if they thought the assailant might still be in the area. The blood smelled old; whatever, whoever, had done this was long gone.

“Let’s go check inside. Something may have happened to Solarys,” Talyn said. He headed towards the gate and pushed it a little further open. No alarms sounded as he’d been expecting. He looked back to his Mate and pushed further in. The drive was made of gravel, and upon closer inspection it revealed that there were crushed up precious gems scattered throughout. Large trees created a tunnel over the drive, rays of sun streaming through the various holes and glinting off the gems.

“She’s got to have issues with people trying to steal her driveway…” Mamba said, kneeling down, and picking up a handful of gravel. He picked a piece of tiger’s eyes out of it and then dropped all of it.

“Don’t really matter, we’re not here to help her with thieves.” Winchester stood next to Mamba and put a hand on his Uncle’s shoulder.

Talyn had the three females turn into wolves so that if they were attacked they’d be able to get away quicker than if they would be able to on two legs. The drive was a mile and a half long.

The canopy opened suddenly, a huge house revealing itself. It was only three stories, but it sprawled like a lazy giant across the land. The walls were a light gray and looked like it had been carved from one giant stone and it had black shutters. It was a beautiful house, but something about it felt impersonal to Talyn. The drive split into two and circled around a fountain that had a statue of a large wolf howling skyward; water spewing from its muzzle. It was a surreal scene after the horror that had been at the gate. They walked to the door and Mamba went to knock on the door. The moment that his knuckles hit the heavy wooden door it opened slowly.

Aflenthia whined and nudged Aayadelle’s shoulder. The three women Changed back to their Human forms. She watched Talyn go into the house and the rest followed close behind. The inside of the house looked as though a small storm had gone through it. Furniture was over turned, and vases and small statues were smashed on the floor. The smell of blood hit the wolves and they followed it into a large room off to the side. The walls of the room were painted in crimson and there were gashes in the wall and small craters in the plaster.

“The only scent in the mansion was of blood, there was no trace of Solarys’ scent at all. “She’s not here,” Talyn said gruffly.

“Then where the hell is she?” Xalyn snapped. He had his arms crossed. Talyn looked back at him. To be honest, he’d completely forgotten that Xalyn had come with them. The male had been miraculously quiet for most of the trip.

“I don’t know, I’ll just ask my magical, crystal ball. I’m sure it’ll tell me exactly where she is,” Talyn said, glaring at the Lunar King. He hadn’t liked Xalyn since he first laid eyes on him. He was arrogant, impulsive at the most inappropriate times, and completely oblivious to the well-being of others. He treated women like they were shit, and that didn’t sit well with Talyn at all. Hell, he hated the fact that their names were even similar to each other.

Xalyn huffed and walked over to Talyn, drawing up to his full height. He puffed his chest out like he was some exotic bird and looked down his nose at Talyn; except that Talyn was several inches taller than the Alpha, so it didn’t work all that well for him.

“Why don’t you lose that disrespectful tone you have?” Xalyn spat out.

“Me? You have got to be kidding me right now. I’m not having this discussion with you right now. We have bigger things to worry about. I got bigger fish to fry,” Talyn said, shaking his head and walking away.

Xalyn let out a strange noise and put his arm through the wall he was standing next to. Talyn ignored his childish outburst and walked out of the house, instructing the others to follow after him.

They got back to the SUV and Talyn looked back at his twin sons. They both were quiet and Teveryx seemed to have withdrawn into himself. It was normal for Cerwyn to be quiet, but for his other son? What they had seen in that house had obviously affected him.

Where the hell were they even going to begin to look for Solarys? She was loved by everyone in her region. She was fair and kind, but strong and firm when she needed to. The only ones that he could think of that would have a grudge against her was another Grand Elder or one of the Alphas she’d beaten for her seat.

If it were one of the Alphas she’d beaten for Elder why wait so long to come after her? It had already been 150 years. Why not go after her before she’d gotten a firm seat on the Council? Taking her now didn’t make sense.

As for another Elder, what would they get out of kidnapping her? It was possible that they would want to replace her with someone of their choosing, someone they could control. The Elder’s annual meeting was only a few weeks away and if they didn’t find her by then, she’d be replaced.

Talyn leaned against the SUV and chewed on his thumb nail. Aayadelle walked over to him and rubbed his shoulder. Their best course of action would be to get into contact with Solarys’ Sub-Elders, see if they knew where she was. That was two weeks of driving all together and that was without knowing for sure that they would know her location…or even agree to see them.

He sighed and banged the back of his head against the vehicle. The annual meeting was in four weeks. If they took the time to find out whether or not the Sub-Elders knew where she was and then them end up not knowing…that was two weeks wasted.

Having Xalyn might be beneficial with getting them to cooperate with them, if he agreed not to be a complete ass hat. It would be considered rude to deny the Lunar King an audience…who knew, maybe he would come in handy for once.

Layth would be the closest of the two Sub-Elders. He also lived in Aspyn, it would take them another day to get there without any stops at all. Talyn hoped that Layth would know where she was…if not…Seryn was a week and a half away.

Talyn sighed, he hated driving, but it was the fastest way for them to get to where they needed to go…other than flying. He refused to fly, though. Wolves were not meant to be that high in the air. It just wasn’t natural.

Aayadelle tilted her head at him, “What are you thinking?”

He smiled at her slightly, “I was considering our best course of action. Going to the Lanoxian Sub-Elders would be the best. Find out if they know what happened here or if they know where she is.”

“What if the Sub-Elders are the ones that did this?” Mamba asked, walking over to the pair.

To be honest, that thought hadn’t even crossed Talyn’s mind. The Sub-Elders were known to be extremely loyal to their Grand Elder; they would never dream of trying to overthrow their superior. If there was a Sub-Elder with ambition to become a Grand Elder…it was certainly a possibility. One he was loathe to even consider.

“We won’t let on that we know she’s gone. We’ll go to them under the pretense that we’re wanting an audience with Solarys since you are supposed to go through them to obtain an audience,” Talyn said.

Mamba nodded and walked away. There was no need to tell the others of their plan. They would have heard him speaking to Mamba. Talyn smiled. When Mamba and Winchester had first come to stay with them they had both been resistant to taking orders from him. They still didn’t like it, but he’d earned enough of their respect that they would honor his opinion. They weren’t an official part of his pack, but they were honorary members and very close friends. He felt the same for Aflenthia and Kaya.

“We’ll leave when everyone is ready.” Talyn walked around to the back of the SUV and opened the trunk, pulling a bottle of water out of large cooler. He pulled his cell phone from his pocket and called Kalyx to check on his pack and update him on their plans.

It took them an hour before they were ready to leave again since they all ate. It took less time that Talyn had originally projected to reach Layth’s home. His home was nowhere near as extravagant as Solarys’ has been. There was no guard or gate. They were able to walk right up to his door and ring the bell.

He was even the one that answered the door. Talyn didn’t know Layth all that well, but not having any security at all didn’t seem to be very smart. He was a Sub-Elder after all.

The man arched a brow at the nine wolves in front of him. They were a formidable-looking bunch. None of the men were under 6’0 tall, not even the two pups, and all of them except for two were Alphas.

“Can I help you?” He asked.

“Sub-Elder Layth?” Talyn bowed slightly to the man.

“Yes, that is me.”

“My name is Talyn, and these are my companions Mamba, Winchester, Kaya, and Xalyn. My Mate, Aayadelle, and our two sons Cerwyn and Teveryx.” He held his hand up when Layth began to say something about their names. “They are who they say they are. Xalyn is indeed the Lunar King, he has proven it.”

“Alright then…how can I help you?” Layth asked.

“We need an audience with Solarys,” Kaya said.

Layth raised both his brows and scoffed. “Seriously? You come to my home, to my place of residence, to ask for an audience with Solarys?” He shook his head. “Your territory is closer to Solarys’ home than my own, why not just go straight to her? You don’t seem to have an issue with coming up to someone’s home.”

Layth paused and then stared at them, “Unless you were already there, and she was not?”

Talyn slid his gaze to Aayadelle and sighed. Should he admit to the man that that was indeed the case? They still didn’t know if Layth had something to do with her disappearance. He stared at Layth, trying to gauge the man’s reaction to the possibility that the Grand Elder was gone. He looked genuinely in the dark about her being gone.

“You would be correct in your assumption. There was no one at her estate. It was a blood bath, but there were not bodies.” Talyn thinned his lips and shifted his weight back and forth on his legs.

Layth’s eyes grew wide as dinner plates and he took a step back. “You can’t be serious…please tell me this is some sick joke. A horrible prank…”

Layth had no idea, of that Talyn was absolutely sure. “Do you know anyone that would want to hurt her?”

“Nobody that I can think of right off hand, but she didn’t really confide in me. She and Seryn were far closer than she and I. If she told anyone, she’d have told Seryn,” Layth admitted.

Talyn swore under his breath. That was a week and a half drive. They would have no choice but to fly to save on time. Seryn lived in Shaunia, a completely different country than where they were at. It was on the other side of the bloody continent. He should have known this wasn’t going to be easy, but dammit one could hope to be pleasantly surprised. Why couldn’t anything ever be simple?

“Thank you for your help Layth, it is much appreciated,” Aayadelle said with a gentle smile before turning to walk off the porch with the others.

“Wait, before you go, let me offer you some dinner and a place to stay for the night. It is rather late, and you should probably all rest before you go on your road trip.” Layth stepped out from his door.

Talyn looked at the others. They all appeared exhausted. He glanced over at his Mate and his two children and then back to Layth. They could stay here until they got plane tickets to Shaunia, but there were nine of them. Layth’s house did not look large enough to hold them all.

“The offer is appreciated, but we must decline. Thank you for all of your help though,” Talyn said.

Winchester sighed and mumbled something under his breath. He didn’t say anything audible and it sounded like gibberish to Talyn, so he didn’t care what the male said. He ordered them all to go back to the SUV.

They drove to a nearby hotel and Talyn paid for five rooms. One for him and Aayadelle, one for his sons, one for Winchester and Mamba, one for Aflenthia and Kaya, and then Xalyn got one to himself. He informed them that he planned to have them all fly to Shaunia to cut their time by over half. It wasn’t surprising to him when most of them protested except for those who had never been in a plane before.

Talyn laid down on the bed with a tired sigh, resting his head on his hands. He stared up at the ceiling, dreading what was to come the next day. Of course the nine plane tickets were going to be extremely expensive since they needed them next day. He let Aayadelle deal with purchasing them. She was the one that was in charge of the pack’s finances.

Cerwyn sat on the chair that was pushed into the desk in his and his brother’s room. So much had happened today. Why had their father thought them coming along would be a good idea? Cerwyn ran his hand down his face and let out a sigh. He was sure that his Father hadn’t known that they would see all of that blood or anything else that happened.

“You okay, bro?” Teveryx asked.

“Yes…no…I don’t know. This has been such a weird day. Are you okay?” Cerwyn asked. His brother should have been born an Alpha, not him. Their roles should have been reversed. Cerwyn didn’t have the personality to be a leader. He hated confrontation, he wasn’t even a huge fan of socializing with others. Teveryx had everything a leader should have. He was charismatic and a natural leader.

“Yeah. It was a weird day though. Who would have thought that all that would have happened at where Solarys lives?” Teveryx walked over to his brother and sat down on the floor at his brother’s feet.

Cerwyn leaned back and stared up at the ceiling. “I want to go home, I don’t want to go on this great big quest. I’m not meant for this kind of thing.”

Teveryx frowned and looked up at Cerwyn. “You’re going to the next Alpha though, you have to be able to deal with these kinds of things. I know you don’t want to, but you don’t have a choice.”

Cerwyn groaned and gripped the arms of his chair. “I could run-away. Mom and Dad could always have another kid that would be an Alpha, or you could be one of those rare cases where a wolf is promoted up in rank.”

“From an Omega to an Alpha? That has never been done.” Teveryx patted Cerwyn on his leg. “We should get to bed, especially since we’re going to be on a plane tomorrow.”

Cerwyn grew pale at the thought and groaned again before standing and heading to his bed.

The next morning Cerwyn was woken by someone pounding on the door of his room. He sat up and rubbed at his eyes. He got out of his bed and shuffled to the door, opening it to reveal his mother. He took after his mother in the fact that they were both morning people. His father and Teveryx…not so much. They were both a huge pain to get out of bed.

Cerwyn nodded at his mother and shut the door. He walked over to the coffee pot and started brewing some of the delicious brew. It didn’t take long for his twin to stir as the smell wafted towards him. He and his mother used the same method to wake the two males up. Coffee was the best way to wake them up.

Teveryx sat up slowly, yawning and looking around. “Coffee…” He stood up from the bed and walked over to the pot, slowly grabbing a coffee mug, and pouring himself a cup. Cerwyn didn’t talk to him, he knew better. Teveryx would be illiterate until his body had processed all of the caffeine that he was about to ingest.

It only took a few minutes for Teveryx to gulp down the steaming hot coffee and pour himself another cup. He glanced over at Cerwyn and smiled slightly.

“I got a text from mom, our flight leaves in three hours and the airport is an hour away so we need to be ready in like…thirty minutes,” Cerwyn told him.

“Thirty minutes?” Teveryx dropped his head, “I’m barely awake…it is too early in the morning for this shit.”

“Watch your mouth,” Talyn said as he opened the door to their room; just as groggy as his youngest son.

“Sorry Dad.” Teveryx looked away from their father.

“Just…get dressed…and all that.” Talyn blinked several times before turning and leaving the room.

The twins stared at each other for a long moment and then burst into laughter. Their father was even worse that Teveryx in the mornings. He hated to be woken up and it took him hours to get fully functional. At least Ryx only had to have a cup or two of coffee to function.

They got dressed and were checked out of the hotel in record time. The drive to the airport was filled with idle chatter between the females. Cerwyn didn’t really hear them or pay them much attention. He was busy listening to music in his ears.

Cerwyn glanced over at Mamba and Winchester, the former of which was actually back asleep and snoring; his head leaned against his Nephew’s shoulder. Winchester had this pained look on his face as he stared down at Mamba.

The pulled to a stop in front of the airport parking lot, the gate opening slowly. Once they parked and everyone got out of the vehicle Talyn passed their tickets out to all of the wolves.

Mamba, Winchester, Xalyn, Kaya, and Aflenthia stared in awe at the throngs of people moving in and out of the large buildings, at the huge metal machines taking off into the sky like birds that have no need of flapping their wings.

Kaya chewed on her lip nervously and grabbed a hold of Aflenthia’s arm. She was anxious about flying. She’d never had a need to take a plane before, and she wasn’t sure how she felt about it. All of the other wolves looked terrified, which only shot Kaya’s anxiety to the sky.

They were able to get through the security and customs pretty easily, present passports to the woman as they boarded their plane. It idled on the tarmac for a good fifteen minutes before it began to move. All of the wolves took deep breaths and gripped the arms of their chairs at once.

Once the plane was in the sky a few of them let out a breath of relief. Talyn and the wolves from the past however, they didn’t relax at all. Kaya stared out the window, her cerulean eyes wide in wonder and fear.

Humans were such creative creatures. She would never understand how they were so creative, yet at the same time so destructive. She couldn’t believe she was this high in the air. It was astounding and terrifying. She wasn’t sure if she liked it or not. Being this high made her feel queasy and when she glanced around she saw that Xalyn had gone green in the face. That at least brought her some satisfaction in this entire ordeal. At least that was what she thought until the male brought his hand to his face and his stomach heaved. Seconds later what he had eaten for breakfast was all over him, the seat in front of him, and Aayadelle’s twin boys.

Both boys shot up at once, their face pure disgust. Xalyn groaned and looked around, his face turning bright red. That was absolutely hilarious, well, except for the fact that poor Cerwyn and Teveryx had gotten caught in the crossfire of Xalyn’s rebellious stomach.

Aayadelle stood and walked over to her boys with a frown. She glared at Xalyn and instructed the two younger males to go to the restroom to wash up as a stewardess hurried over to see what the issue was. When she saw the contents of Xalyn’s stomach everywhere she barely suppressed a gag at the smell.

The stewardess quickly cleaned the vomit and vanished just as fast. Kaya didn’t blame the woman. She was sure that cleaning up after someone in that manner was not something that had been a part of her job description.

Xalyn spent the rest of the flight mainly in the bathroom, only coming out when someone needed to use the restroom. It was kind of pathetic. The man was supposed to be the Lunar King and he was weak against this kind of travel.

The plan began to descend several hours later following the captain announcing that they were over their destination.

Kaya’s ears popped painfully as the lost altitude rapidly. She clenched her jaw and leaned her head back into her seat. She hadn’t been warned about this particular part of flying. Holy gods it hurt. She whined in the back of her throat as the pain became almost unbearable. The plan coasted to a stop on the tarmac and then backed into its parking position to let the passengers off.

Kaya staggered off the plane, her head cocked to the side and her eyes half open. Aflenthia stared at her in concern and she faintly heard the female as if she was okay. She didn’t respond, couldn’t. Not with the pain and the ringing in her ears. Aflenthia glanced over to Aayadelle, worry clouding her features. The woman walked over and placed her hands on either side of Kaya’s head and whispered something. Almost instantly the pain was gone, and Kaya blinked in wonderment.

“Oh god…thank you so much.” Kaya shook her head and smiled. “What was that?”

“Sorry, I should have warned you that your ears might pop really badly. I completely forgot.” Aayadelle smiled apologetically at Kaya.

“It is fine. Thank you for making the pain disappear.” The walked up the long hall way and soon they were at a rental car facility getting a vehicle that would be large enough for all nine of them. They eventually were able to get one and they all piled into it and headed for Seryn’s place of residence. What would have taken them over double the time had taken them only a few hours to reach.

Seryn’s home did have a guard gate and the man in the house stared at them all with suspicion. Talyn rolled the window down and gave the guard a dazzling smile.

“Hi, my name is Talyn. I have need to see Sub-Elder Seryn.”

“Do you have an appointment with the Sub-Elder?”

“I do not, but I assure you it is of utmost importance that we speak with her.”

“I cannot grant you access without an appointment. Make one and then come back.”

Talyn thinned his lips and glanced back in the car. He rolled down the window that was closest to Xalyn and pulled forward so that the guard’s window was next to Xalyn’s. The male glared up at Talyn before turning to the guard.

“Let us in,” Xalyn toward him. The guard’s eyes grew wide and moments later the gate opened to allow them entrance. Talyn nodded to the guard and drove in. Seryn’s home was only 200 feet from the gate and the front face of it was made entirely of glass. It was three story tall and no bedrooms could be seen from their position.

They could see a woman sitting at a desk and staring at them through the glass walls. She stood as they pulled to a stop and walked to the door opening it with a glare on her face. The woman didn’t even wait for everyone to get out of the vehicle before she was marching over.

Talyn had just barely gotten his door shut when she was there, her finger in his face. “How dare you come into my home unannounced and then force my guard to allow you in.” She put her hands on her hips as her blue eyes turned stormy.

Talyn bowed slightly, “I apologize ma’am, but it is an emergency. We are searching for Lady Solarys.”

“Solarys?” her eyes narrowed, “Why are you searching for Solarys?”

“We need to speak with her, it is a matter of utmost importance. I can assure you of that,” Talyn replied to her. He glanced over as the rest of the wolves that had been in the SUV came around to stand next to him. Dally stood next to him; her arm wrapped around his waist with Cerwyn and Teveryx standing next to her.

“Why the hell should I believe you?” Seryn’s gaze went over all of the wolves and her lips thinned.

“I know our appearance here is out of the blue, but Lady Seryn, please.” Aayadelle glanced up at Talyn and stepped forward. “We were already at Solarys’ home, she wasn’t there. There was a bloodbath but no bodies. We went to Layth first and he suggested that we come to you. He told us that you would know, out of everyone, where she would have gone.”

Seryn’s eyes widened and her mouth dropped. “What do you mean a bloodbath? I spoke to Solarys not four days ago. She was fine. She didn’t mention anything, never said she was worried.” She paused and then narrowed her eyes, “Unless you’re only saying that you found it like that, but you’re really the only ones that did it.”

Please rest assured that that is not what happened. You can call Layth, confirm it for yourself. We would completely understand,” Aayadelle told her.

Seryn didn’t speak as she pulled her cell phone from the back pocket of her black dress pants. She glanced down at her and pressed a button on the phone then put it up to her ear. Moments later Layth answered. She nodded as he spoke to her and then sighed and returned the phone to her pocket.

Comments & reviews · 2
barefootrunner wrote a review Review · Jul 2, 2018

Hey there! Well, you know me and I know you I guess, so let's get stuck in.

In terms of grammar, this section has a massive amount of comma splices. Please check out what a comma splice is and how to avoid them! If in doubt, pop a full stop. Don't just pack in the commas.

Again, I want to say that your characters are two-dimensional and need to have characteristics that set them apart. They don't have to be caricatures, but something has to be special. The only one that's different here is Xanlyn, and even in that he seems temperamental, sometimes just fading into the background in scenes. A guy with that kind of crazy is never in the background if you ask me. He would always be pushing, trying to get at the head of the scene, be the boss, show that he's stronger. Think Harry Potter: Harry is brave and noble, Ron is unfortunate and silly, Hermione is bossy and clever. What is Aayadelle? What is Kaya? I honestly couldn't tell you. That needs to change!

Also, please give your characters flaws (only Xanlyn has them so far and the twins are getting there). Who is impatient? Who has a big mouth? Who is too kind for their own good? I'm really having trouble with your characterization.

So, er, the fact that this Lady Solaris has disappeared at exactly the time they go to look for her... seems like a fat coincidence... I'm having a bit of disbelief around your storyline there. It feels like the writer just did that to make life harder for the characters without it really fitting in with the story properly. Unless the disappearance turns out to be connected with the fact that they're looking for her? I don't know. Seems too convenient story-wise for me to believe it.

Also, why don't they just use phones? All this traveling seems like an awful lot of trouble if you could just call for a consultation.

I liked that you delved into characters' minds a little more in this section, with their inner thoughts becoming a little more apparent here. That's good and I like to see it in writing! Keep at it.

Good work and I look forward to further updates from you.

Keep writing!
barefoot

User avatar
EverLight
Review
EverLight wrote a review Review · Jul 1, 2018

Please feel free to ignore my advice it is not intended to offend demean the story or you that said brace yourself

1. Description
I think you could use some more description. Seriously. You don't have to describe everything but some description of the background or were the wolves are would be great.

2. Facts
Okay so I don't know what you know about wolves and I am trying to be a know it all but actually the Omega isn't the lowest rank in a wolf pack. Omegas are actually pretty important they keep the peace in the back and act more like clowns that's the reason they eat last-they'd try to stop fighting during a meal, and the alpha is supposed to fight to make sure every wolf knows what part of the meal is his-But you can ignore that this being fiction . . . or fan fiction? . . .


3. Imagination
Okay I don't know what you have seen but I have a sneaking feeling that this was inspired by the Teen Wolf Tv series either way I think this could use some speacial touch to make it stand out. Like having the Alpha of the pack fight the wolf that could be an alpha etc. Something because the idea you have hear has already been taken. No offense once again but I am a firm believer in haveing creative stories that aren't copies.

Other wise this was amazing! Keep up the awesome work!

I will be working on better descriptions and characterizations when I rewrite this.

I am aware of the fact that Omegas are not the lowest rank in an ACTUAL wolf pack. I decided to take a small bit of creative freedom with that. Omegas are not technically the lowest rank in the packs of my novel (which is not a fanfiction). I do not remember saying that they were, and if I did, then I do need to correct that.

I have never seen teen wolf, never felt like watching it either. Does Teen Wolf have time travel and deities? Does it have wolves trying to overthrow an extremely corrupt Council? Is it set in a different world? Just curious if this is why it seems similar to it?

I have never seen Teen Wolf. Thanks, for letting me know that this isn't fanfic.



I have a Gumbie Cat in mind, her name is Jennyanydots; Her coat is one of the tabby kind,with tiger stripes and leopard spots.
— T.S. Eliot, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats