Alpha - 6

by NafaKitty

Published July 3, 2018

18+ Language Violence

In Alpha

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and violence.

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“Alright, so Layth believes you. Says you have the Lunar King with you. That would make sense as to how you managed to get my guard to let you in without much resistance.” She sighed and glanced up at the sky, her ebony hair falling from her face. The female chewed on her lip and closed her eyes.

“Solarys is missing…this isn’t good. Not with the Annual Meeting looming overhead. She needs to be found,” Seryn said.

“You think? Why do you think we’re here?” Xalyn asked, rolling his eyes.

Seryn gave him a sharp glare and scowled, “Who the hell are you?”

“The Lunar King.” Xalyn smirked at her and lifted his head up.

Seryn’s eyes widened and she bowed low, “I apologize sire, for my disrespect. Please forgive me.”

Talyn rolled his eyes at her show. Why was everyone so ready to jump to his every whim? Well, people that didn’t know him. Maybe that was why. They didn’t know him. They’d all been taught to respect the Lunar Pair since they were small. But this male? He didn’t deserve anyone’s respect.

“So, do you have any idea at all as to where she might have gone? Or if someone might have taken her?” Kaya asked, stepping forward.

Seryn looked over at the blonde female and frowned, “Not right off…” she paused, and her eyes widened, “Actually, she got a threat in the mail about four months ago. It didn’t have a return address and the signature was just an ‘S’. She told me it was extremely vague, and she wasn’t even sure what the writer wanted. Just that if she didn’t do it then bad things were going to happen to Solarys.”

Seryn wrapped her arms around her body and worried her lip. “I can’t believe she’s gone…”

Kaya tilted her head and peered at the female. No…they couldn’t have been. “Were…were the two of you lovers?”

Seryn snapped her head towards Kaya, her eyes wide; Kaya wasn’t sure if it was in surprise or in fear. Whichever it was, the emotion did not last long. Seryn’s eyes quickly grew guarded.

“What makes you think that?” She snapped.

Kaya stared at her. She knew that same-sex relationships in her time were strictly forbidden, but from what she’d seen, they were far more acceptable in this era. Perhaps it had something to do with one of their families?

“I apologize for the question. It was not place to question your relationship with the Grand Elder,” Kaya said.

Seryn didn’t say anything to her, instead she turned to Talyn. “If you’d like I could show you a picture of the letter that Solarys was sent. I have a picture of it in my phone. Perhaps you will recognize the handwriting. I doubt it though.” Seryn pulled her phone out of her pocket and pulled up her photo gallery, quickly scrolling through several images before she reached the one she was looking for. She handed it to the Alpha.

Talyn took her phone and stared down at it. The paper looked like parchment, the expensive kind. The writing was done in calligraphy, so there was no way he’d be able to figure out who sent it. He quickly read through the contents of the letter.

‘Solarys, I know what you are planning to do. I order you to cease your plans or the consequences will be dire. You know of what I speak, you know who I am. Signed, S.’

Talyn handed the Sub-Elder her phone back and sighed. “That doesn’t really help at all. Do you know what plans this S was talking about?”

“Not for sure. Solarys mentioned that she was looking into something, and that if it panned out it was going to big. She refused to tell me what, though. Said it was too dangerous for anyone else other than her to know.” Seryn shook her head.

“I see. Thank you.” Talyn turned towards Aayadelle with a somber expression on his face. He told her what the message said, and his wife stared at him, her brows furrowed in concentration.

Aflenthia turned towards Seryn, “Could you tell us places she liked to frequent?”

Seryn leaned against the railing for the stairs of her porch, “She didn’t leave her home very much. She wasn’t big into going out.” She kicked at the ground. “Solarys did like going into the forest and hiking the Lanoxian Mountains whenever she had the time.”

“The Lanoxian Mountains? Those are huge…they would take forever to search all of them,” Teveryx whined. He kicked a rock that was by his foot and it hit the bushes about a foot from Seryn. She arched a brow at him and he ducked his head, muttering an apology.

“I’m aware, and I can’t give you a specific spot to look. She would hike all of them and she loved them all. I’m sorry I couldn’t be of more help,” Seryn said, pursing her lips and shaking her head.

“It’s…fine…we’ll figure something out.” Talyn sighed and ran his hand over his sun-kissed features. His cerulean eyes turned to all the wolves with him. He would have to send multiple search parties with some of his best trackers to find Solarys. It would leave his pack sorely unprotected. Something he wasn’t sure he was willing to allow to happen.

“We’re going home, we’ll figure out what we’re going to do there. Everyone back in the SUV. Dally, book another…flight.” Talyn grimaced at the prospect of flying again so soon, but what choice did he have?

Xalyn stopped cold at that moment and shook his head. “No way, there is no way I’m not getting on another of those things. Not happening.”

“Do you know how to get back to the Den from here?” Aayadelle asked him. He stared at her for a long moment and then mumbled under his breath before getting into the vehicle. Talyn scowled at the male and rolled his eyes before getting into the driver’s seat.

They got to the airport in 30 minutes, Aayadelle having found tickets for almost immediately. They all hurried through customs and onto their plane. The flight back wasn’t all that much better for any of them except for Kaya and Aflenthia; who had their faces pressed to the windows and staring down at the ground so far below.

When they finally got back to their territory all of the wolves were waiting outside of the main house; Kalyx was in the very front. They held up a banner that said, ‘Welcome Home’, in large white letters on a dark blue background.

Talyn smiled at the sight. They always did something like this whenever he and Dally both left the territory. There would be a feast waiting inside for them as well. It was why none of them had eaten that day.

Talyn sniffed the air and the smell of burgers, hot dogs, and a menagerie of other foods made his mouth water. He was starving; it was almost dusk, and his stomach had been growling angrily at him for the last several hours.

He pushed past his pack members, hurrying into the house. His pack knew he meant nothing by it, they knew how Talyn was about food. They all followed him into the house, sitting around the three long tables that they had pulled out for this event. One table was adjacent to the other two. They all sat down at the middle table with Talyn in the middle and Aayadelle to his right. Beside her was Kaya, then Aflenthia, then Winchester, and finally Kalyx. To the left of Talyn was his two boys with Cerwyn right next to him. Beside Teveryx was Mamba, a Beta by the name of Sasha, and Xalyn.

Talyn tilted his head to the side as he listened to Sasha and Xalyn speaking to each other. Sasha was rather gullible and had become infatuated with Xalyn, for whatever reason. The Alpha was giving her a lot of attention, complimenting her quite a bit as well. Talyn glanced over at Kaya and frowned. She could clearly hear the two based on the upset look in her eyes and thinned lips.

Sasha giggled at something Xalyn said and Kaya slammed her hands on the table and stood up, marching over to the woman. Kaya grabbed Sasha by the shoulder and pulled the Beta away from the table.

“Are you stupid?” Kaya asked her, arching a brow at her.

“What? Why are you asking me that?” Sasha furrowed her brows and tilted her head. Genuinely confused by the question.

“You’re treating everything he says like it’s from some kind of holy book. I can promise you, it’s not.” Kaya gave the woman a droll look and dropped her hand from Sasha’s shoulder.

“What? No I’m not.”

“Yeah, you are. You’re hanging on to his every word like it’s coming from Lasara herself.”

Xalyn stood and put himself between Kaya and Sasha, his face dark. “Kaya, there’s no need to ruin dinner by causing a scene. Let’s just sit down and enjoy this delicious dinner that was prepared for us. If you feel you absolutely need to speak with Sasha, please do so at a later time…in private.”

Kaya stared at Xalyn. She opened her mouth as if she were about to say something but stopped. She let out a frustrated sigh and walked back to her own seat and sat down. Sasha and Xalyn returned to their seats and resumed their conversation.

Talyn sighed and shook his head. Xalyn had actually been the mature one there. Talk about a surprise. Talyn wasn’t sure what had possessed Kaya to do that.

The rest of dinner had the others talking quietly amongst themselves about what had transpired. Kaya ended up excusing herself half-way through. Aflenthia glanced after her and turned towards Aayadelle.

“Do you think she’s okay?” Aflenthia asked.

Aayadelle shook her head, “I doubt it. She hasn’t really had a chance to get over Xalyn. She’s been around him since they split. It’s probably tough on her to see that it hasn’t even been a week yet and he’s already making moves on another female.” Aayadelle sighed and turned her head in the direction that Kaya had went.

“Yeah…I guess that makes sense.” Aflenthia pushed her chair back and stood. “I’m going to go check on her.”

Aayadelle nodded. Aflenthia walked out of the large dining room. Talyn leaned back in his chair and sighed. He glanced over to Kaya and Aflenthia’s empty seats. Talyn brought his hand up to his face and rubbed his temples. He was getting a migraine. Dealing with the “past” wolves was like have five more children some days. This day just happened to be one of them.

Aflenthia stopped outside of the door of the room she and Kaya had been briefly sharing. She knocked softly and then entered. Kaya was sitting on the bed with her back leaned against the wall. Her knees were drawn up to her chest and her head rested on them. Her arms were wrapped around her legs. The woman looked up and blinked away the tears in her eyes.

“Hey,” Aflenthia said softly. She sat down gently onto the edge of the bed. She leaned her weight onto her arms and let her head fall back, her eyes focused on Kaya.

“Hi.” Kaya picked her head up from her knees and gave Aflenthia a forced smile. She straightened out her legs, her arms dropping to her sides.

“We need to go out, get your mind off everything that’s happened. We can go to a club or something. How’s that sound?” Aflenthia fell back completely on the bed.

“I don’t think so…I’m not feeling up to a night out. I just want to stay inside, not do anything,” Kaya said, shaking her head.

Aflenthia rolled over onto her stomach, “You sure? I think it’d be fun.”

“Yeah, you think it’d be fun. I don’t feel like it. I think I’m just going to sleep. I’m exhausted emotionally and physically.” Kaya got off the bed and took her clothes off. She walked over to the dresser and pulled out a pair of sleeping shorts and a tank top. “You should still go out though. It might be good for you.”

“Maybe, it’s no fun to go alone though, and Dally hates the night clubs.” Aflenthia sat up. “Maybe I’ll ask one of the other women…or Teveryx.”

“Teveryx would jump on the chance to go…if you can get Dally and Talyn to agree to let him,” Kaya said with a chuckle. Those two were so protective over their young that they barely allowed Cerwyn or Teveryx to go out without one of them.

Aflenthia bounced up off of the bed and started out the door. She paused and turned, staring at Kaya for a long moment. “Are you sure you’ll be alright?”

“Never said I was but go. This is something I need to deal with by myself.” Kaya shrugged as she sat down on the bed.

“If you’re sure…” Aflenthia smiled at her and then left, shutting the door. She went back to the dining hall only to discover that everyone had left the table. Several Omegas were still there, but they were cleaning up. She placed her hand on the shoulder of one, asking if he knew where Talyn or Aayadelle were. The wolf informed her that they had both gone outside.

Aflenthia found them shortly thereafter. There was a small gazebo placed in a grove of trees about a quarter mile from the house. That was where they were. Aflenthia walked through the trees and then froze. The sounds she heard coming from the gazebo…well it would be extremely rude to interrupt them. She glanced up at the sky. It was still early in the night. As long as they didn’t take too long there would still be plenty of time to go.

The young female wolf was leaning against the outside of the house when Talyn and Aayadelle came walking out from the grove of trees. Aayadelle giggled at something the male said and then nudged his side with her elbow. She indicated towards Aflenthia with her head. The couple reached Aflenthia moments later.

“Hey, I’ve been waiting for you. Was starting to thing you’d never finish.” Aflenthia gave them a coy grin.

“Ali…” Aayadelle chuckled and shook her head, “What is it that you need?”

“I was wanting to go out, a club most likely. I asked Kaya to go with, but she isn’t feeling up to it, so I was thinking about asking Ryx if you two would be okay with it.”

Talyn and Aayadelle stared at each other and then looked towards Aflenthia. “I don’t know Ali…do you know what club you’re wanting to go to?” Talyn asked her.

“I was thinking Hysteria or Club Creed,” Aflenthia said. Those two clubs were well known for catering to their wealthier clientele; of which Aflenthia and Teveryx would be. Both clubs made sure that their VIPs were safe and well-taken care of.

Aayadelle chewed on her bottom lip as she considered letting her son go. He would be with Aflenthia, who was not only an Alpha, but a Shaman as well. He should be safe with her. She was a good fighter.

Aayadelle let out a breath, “That’s fine. Just…keep him safe, okay?”

Aflenthia grinned, “Of course!” She hugged Aayadelle and Talyn both before bounding away to find Teveryx. She found the male laying on the couch playing a hand-held game. She couldn’t really remember the name of it, but she was pretty sure it was Vario or something along those lines.

Teveryx put the game down when Aflenthia bent over his body, her ebony hair pooling on his chest. His lavender eyes stared up at the woman, getting lost momentarily in Aflenthia’s mismatched eyes. His mouth was suddenly dry, and he licked his lips in an attempt to get them moisturized once more.

“Hey, you want to go with me to Hysteria?” Aflenthia asked him, straightening her body. Her shirt rode up and exposed her navel. Just like that Teveryx’s mouth was dry again. He sat up.

What had she asked? Oh, right. If he wanted to go to Hysteria with her. That sounded fun. He’d have to ask his parents though.

“Your mom and dad already told me that you could go, so go get dressed.” Aflenthia kicked the couch lightly and left so she could get dressed as well.

Teveryx got up and went to the room that he shared with his twin. He didn’t understand why he still had to ask his parents permission to go out. He was an adult in their world as well as the human world. Yet, he still felt like a child at times.

He pulled a pair of faded dark blue jeans from his dresser and then headed to the closet, grabbing a white button up shirt. He pulled it on over his head and unbuttoned the top three buttons. He pulled a black blazer on over it. Cerwyn walked in and gave him a look.

“Where are you going?” Cerwyn asked his brother.

“Aflenthia is taking me to Hysteria. She got Mom and Dad to agree to it.” Teveryx grinned at his brother. “Can you believe it? Aflenthia is taking me to Hysteria.”

Cerwyn rolled his eyes and sat on the bed. “Well, have fun. Don’t die or anything like that. I’d hate to have to become the fun one.”

“Yeah, gods forbid that happen to you, huh?” Teveryx nudged Cerwyn’s shoulder. “Well, I’m out!”

Teveryx headed down the stairs and drew up short when he saw Aflenthia. She wore a short black dress with wide straps for the sleeves. It was lace up the front, pushing her cleavage up to the point it almost spilled out of her bodice. The dress clung to her every curve. She had her half of her hair pulled into a sloppy bun, while the rest had been curled into ringlets. She had outlined her beautiful eyes with dark liner and wore minimal make-up otherwise. A bright red choker adorned her neck and golden bangles her wrists.

Teveryx’s gaze went to her thighs where he saw something he’d never seen before. She had a tattoo. He’d seen her in shorts before, but it had been a while. He moved to the side and knelt down to see it better. Aflenthia grinned and pulled the skirt of her dress up so he could see the whole thing. It was a dragon and a wolf entwined together, each holding the young of the other. It was beautiful.

“When did you get that done?”

“Last winter. It was kind of a spur of a moment thing. I really like it though.” Aflenthia dropped the skirt and held her hand out to him to help him up. He grabbed it and allowed her to pull him up.

“Shall we get going?” She asked him, smiling.

He nodded, and they left, getting into one of the many vehicles that were at the estate. They chose one of the nicer cars since Hysteria was a club that typically catered to those that were up there on the social ladder. If they went with one of the worse cars, they’d never be allowed in.

Hysteria already had a line out the door and around the side of the building. Aflenthia smirked and drove up to the valet. She and Teveryx got out and she handed the human a card. He glanced down at her briefly and then looked again. He bowed to her and got into the car.

She showed the same card to the bouncers at the door and they were allowed to go straight in without waiting in line. The inside of the club was packed with warm bodies on the bottom floor. Strobe lights danced around, briefly illuminating humans in red, blue, green, and purple lights before moving on. The smell of human sweat was thick in the air as well as drugs and arousal.

Teveryx couldn’t suppress the grin as he looked around. He loved coming to these places. They were so full of life and energy. It was amazing. They headed to the second floor where the VIPs were. There were a lot of people there, but not nowhere near as many as the main floor.

Cocktail waitresses walked back and forth between tables carrying trays of drinks above their heads. Teveryx and Aflenthia sat down at the bar. Aflenthia ordered a club soda while Teveryx ordered some sort of fruity drink with a name he couldn’t remember.

He turned the bar stool around and leaned against the counter, sipping at his drink as he watched the humans dance to the music. Some were a lot better than others. He watched one human that was particularly bad. He wasn’t even sure if one could call what the woman was doing dancing. She just seemed to be pulsing her body in time with music that was in her head. It certainly wasn’t in time with the music that was playing.

There were two more women that drew his attention like a moth to light. They danced together, grinding against each other. One had hair the same black as Aflenthia’s. She wore a mask over the left side of her face and she had a tattoo around her neck like a choker in the shape of a rose with thorny vines. He couldn’t see the rest of her face, but she wore so little clothing it was almost indecent.

The other woman had copper hair that she let fall free down her back. Her face was turned towards him and her eyes were the color of blood. Those had to be contacts. Her skin was so pale it was almost translucent. Her choice of garment was a little more modest than the other woman’s, but not by much at all.

He wasn’t the only male watching them either. Just about every other male had their eyes glued to the pair. The way they moved was sin. He glanced over at Aflenthia. Her own eyes were watching the two women, but it wasn’t in awe. There was suspicion in her eyes.

“Ryx…what do you think of those two?” She asked him, not moving her gaze once.

“Uhm…” He cleared his throat, “I think they are really good at dancing?”

She looked over at him, irritation flashing across her features. “Really? That’s all you’ve noticed? What do you smell.”

He blinked at her. What did he smell? He sniffed the air and sat straight up. Death. He glanced back at the women, seeing them in a whole new light. They weren’t contacts. Her eyes were red as the liquid she lived on.

“We’re leaving,” Aflenthia said, getting up and setting her club soda on the counter. Teveryx furrowed his brows and set his drink on the counter as well, following her out. Aflenthia pursed her lips as she waited for the valet to bring their car around. The scent from inside the night club hit them both at the same time and they turned to see the two women walking out of the doors.

The copper haired woman smiled at them both and said something that Teveryx couldn’t distinguish to the other woman, causing her to giggle and cast her red eye in their direction. Teveryx narrowed his eyes at them.

The red-haired woman licked her lips as she eyes the two wolves and winked at them before she and the other vampire walked away down the sidewalk with their arms entwined.

The valet pulled to a stop with their car and the two wolves entered the vehicle and drove off. The ride back to the pack’s estate was a tense quiet. It wasn’t until they were pulling into the five-mile long drive-way that Aflenthia finally spoke.

“I see no need to tell your parents about seeing the vampires. This is a rather large city, it would have been severely unlikely that there were none here. There is no need to alarm them any.” She sighed and glanced to the side briefly.

He nodded. He had been thinking the same thing. His father hated vampires with such a passion that it truly baffled Teveryx. He was pretty sure a vampire did something to the older male that caused such a hatred.

He sighed and looked out the window. It was the same sight every single time he left. It was so boring. He wanted to go on an adventure. He had been so happy when their father had decided to allow him and Cerwyn to go along with them to see the Elders. It had been the most excitement he’d had in…well, forever.

Aflenthia pulled the car into the garage and got out. She put the keys on the ring directly in front of the vehicle. They both walked into the house and sat on the couch in the living room with a sigh.

Aayadelle walked down the stairs and tilted her head at them. “I wasn’t expecting you back so soon. Is everything alright?”

Aflenthia and Teveryx glanced at each other and both nodded. “Yeah, everything is fine. Neither of us were as up to it as we thought we were,” Aflenthia said with a shrug.

“Oh, okay.” Aayadelle pulled the silk robe tighter around her shoulders. “I’m going to bed then. Good night you two, don’t stay up too late.” She turned and headed back up the stairs.

Teveryx glanced over at Aflenthia who appeared to have withdrawn into her thoughts. She leaned her head against the back of the couch. She had her eyes shut and her lips were slightly parted.

“I’m going to go lay down, you should as well Ryx.” She opened her eyes and stood. She glanced down at him before walking up the stairs. He watched her go before stretching out on the couch. He covered his eyes with his arm and let out a long sigh. It had been quite the night. Who would have thought they’d find two vampires? Was it really a good idea not to let his father know? If Talyn found out that they saw the two blood-suckers and didn’t tell him…Teveryx didn’t want to consider the consequences that would come from that.

Still, he didn’t want to make Ali upset with him either. He liked her too much to want her to be mad at him. Teveryx clenched his jaw. What the hell was he supposed to do? He let his arm drop to his side between the back of the couch and his body and stared up at the ceiling.

Teveryx wasn’t sure when he fell asleep, all he knew was that light was streaming into the windows and hitting him straight in the eyes. How rude of the sun to interrupt his sleep. He sat up and looked around the living room. No one was in there and judging by the lack of noise in the house not very many people were awake.

The young wolf yawned and stretched his arms and his back. He got off of the couch and wandered into the kitchen. He put on a pot of coffee and pulled some pancake batter out of the cabinet as well as some bacon and sausage patties from the refrigerator. His mother must have put it in there in preparation for breakfast.

As the coffee began to drip into the pot the other wolves began to meander in. His mother was the first one to enter the kitchen and both of her eyebrows shot up when she saw that it was him preparing breakfast. Teveryx didn’t blame her. He was never really one to take initiative when it came to cooking or anything like that. He was wanting to be nice this morning, though. He wanted to impress everyone. Well, he wanted to impress a certain someone.

Cerwyn walked into the kitchen not long after their mother did, followed closely by their Father and Kaya. Winchester and Mamba came in together as did Xalyn and Sasha. Teveryx frowned. It had been almost thirty minutes. Why wasn’t Aflenthia awake and down in the kitchen getting coffee and food with everyone else?

Aflenthia came into the kitchen almost an hour later, her lids were still heavy over her eyes and her hair was a beautiful disaster. She had a red spot on the right side of her forehead. Teveryx smiled. She looked absolutely adorable.

Talyn leaned against the counter, stuffing the bacon and sausage into his mouth. He’d never been a very neat eater. Teveryx got his eating habits from his father, he supposed. Since, he ate exactly like that as well. The young wolf frowned. When he actually thought about it, he took almost entirely after Talyn while Cerwyn took almost entirely after Aayadelle.

Everyone was quiet while they ate, too busy enjoying the food that had been prepared. Kaya was the last one to finish, and as she put her plate into the industrial dish washer Talyn cleared his throat.

“While we’re all here, we need to talk about how we’re going to find Solarys.” He went over what Seryn had told them, and some of the possible places she might be.

“If you can get me something that has her scent on it, I can find her. I’m the best damn tracker you’ll find,” Mamba said.

Winchester glared at him, “The best tracker? Are you shitting me? You?” Winchester turned towards his Uncle. “What the hell makes you think that you are the best tracker?”

“Experience. I know for a god damn fact that I’m the best tracker around. I’ve never been proven otherwise,” Mamba retorted.

“For being the best damn tracker you sure as hell seem to be having trouble finding your family.”

“Seriously? This again? I am so tired of hearing about this bullshit. I do not have a family. I would remember if I did, and I most certainly do not.”

“Enough!” Talyn slammed his fists down on the table. The wood splintered around his hands from the impact. Both of the Alphas looked at Talyn, looking taken aback. “We have more important things to be discussing than this stupid fucking argument you two keep insisting on having.”

Neither of them said anything; they just glared at each other from across the kitchen.

“We need to organize search parties. I’m thinking four should suffice. Two in each so we don’t leave the pack vulnerable. Mamba you can go with Cerwyn on the Atharian Trail. Winchester you will be paired with Kaya and have the Thiva Trail. Aflenthia and Xalyn can go together on the North Lanoxian Trail.” Talyn glanced around at the other wolves. “Kalyx you will go with Aayadelle on the South Lanoxian Trail. I will stay here to watch the pack.”

The wolves all nodded, and they decided to leave at first light the next morning. It would give them time to prepare themselves for the long hike up the mountains. There were four major trails, and those would be the ones they would begin their searches on.

The four pairs walked off together to speak on how they would go about conducting their searches. What they should bring, who would bring it, and how they would go about with their search.

Winchester stared at the back of Kaya’s head. Her blonde hair moving ever so slightly with the gentle breeze as they walked outside. They were headed towards one of the many gazebos on the property, so they could discuss their strategy.

Kaya looked back at him and he felt a jolt go through his body. He remembered the way that Shara used to look at him; it was exactly like the way Kaya just did. What was the possibility that he would find another female that was identical to his Mate? He knew it wasn’t her. He had watched her die. The resemblance though…it was uncanny. It was painful, yet at the same time it was like having Shara back all over again.

The gazebo had white sheer curtains hanging off the rafters that fluttered softly in the wind. The dark brown benches had light blue cushions for comfort. Both of the wolves sat down next to each other. Winchester barely stopped himself before he put his arm over her shoulders and pulled her into his chest.

“Okay, so the Thiva trail, from what I’ve been told, has a lot of canyons and sharp drop offs. If we could get a detailed map, that would be a lot of help. I wonder if the others have a map that we could use,” Winchester said.

Kaya nodded. “If anyone has one it is probably Kalyx. He seems to always have a map for whatever is needed. I think he has a fetish for them, or something.” The woman giggled.

Winchester smiled. “Yeah, you may be right. I don’t think we can plan all that well without a map since we’ve never been to the Thiva Trail.”

“I shall go get it, I shouldn’t be gone long.” Kaya stood and walked away from the gazebo.

Winchester clenched his fist when she was out of sight and slammed them both down on the cushioned bench. The wood would have cracked if it hadn’t been for the padding. He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. This was going to be so fucking difficult. Working with Kaya when she so exactly resembled his dead Mate? It wasn’t fair. Was Lasara laughing at him right now? Was this some sort of sick joke to her?

He opened his eyes when he felt a wet stream roll down his face. He could so clearly see Shara and his two daughters. Spéir and Ré. They had been the two singular good things he had ever done in his life. They had lit up his entire world. They had been his entire reason for existence. When they had died, when their home had burned to the ground in that wholly unnatural fire, his entire world had shattered.

"Are you alright?"

Comments & reviews · 2
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Aley
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Aley wrote a review Review · Jul 29, 2018

Hey, Aley again, this time reviewing for Review Day.

This still needs some more things splitting up the talking. I think this section is better about the who what where thing then the last one I read, but you have so many characters that it's difficult to keep track of them all. I didn't remember anyone until Mamba said he was the best damn tracker because Mamba is really the only one who stuck with me due to his bold personality.

I feel like you could give each person a way that they spoke, or something they always did, and that would tag who was who in a more direct manner. I'm really happy to see that you've gotten over the whole respect, respect, respect, hounding by this chapter. It makes the story read a lot smoother and it gives more flow to the plot.

All in all, I think if you go through this and edit it, make sure you're reading word for word because I at least saw one missing word which means I probably skipped 2. During the editing process you can also go through and add something specific about the people which shows their movement, like Aflenthia's red hair. Have her play with it or rub it, or something when she's talking to better bring motion into the story and avoid things like "X turned to Y" and make it more "X's whole body language shifted as he growled at Y "." It set everyone's nerves on edge." Or if it's just in the middle of a pleasant conversation sitting at a table or standing in a room "X leaned on the counter" or "Y shrugged, playing with the hem of her shirt. She refused to make eye-contact with X despite his attempts."

Those little types of interactions can really make a scene feel more alive and I think that's something you're missing as most of this is happening as if these were unmoving characters standing in a room until you hit a paragraph of movement. Involve the movement while people talk. People fidget.

Anyway, your writing in general, like your sentence structure, and so forth are still really good. Keep it going and don't worry about edits until you're done!

I'm actually overhauling the entire book now. Heh. Hopefully, the new version will be a lot better. ^_^

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artemis15sc
Review
artemis15sc wrote a review Review · Jul 29, 2018

Hey there, Happy review day!

First off I love this take on Wolves and Vampires. It's fun to see how the wolves, though they look human, are still very wolf-like, but also live in human society. It's a fun way of exploring human pack life.

I would recommend breaking your story up into chapters rather than jut 10 page sections for review. This felt kind of jumbled and like a lot of things just thrown together, so it's hard for me to really gather my thoughts for my critique. A good chapter has a beginning, middle, and end and it's much easier for your reviewers to give you good feedback when they have one, set chapter to go through.

My other major concern is the amount of characters you have. I get that this a wolfpack but it still seems like to many characters. If you have that many characters you have to make sure each one is distinct, memorable, and essential to the plot, otherwise they all blur together and muddle up the story. It's also hard to really become invested in the story with so many characters, especially since you seem to have an omniscient narrator who bounces around all of them. You just need to make sure each character's "screen time," either really develops them as a character or really moves the plot forward.

My other concern is about pacing. It seems like page 60 should be a little more intense than it is now. It also seems like the search party they are organizing should have been started sooner. It was like they got off the plain and suddenly the missing wolf wasn't even a problem anymore and now one cared, but then at the end of the chapter they start caring again. It also seems like a lot of what's in here is not necessary. This novel feels more like an exploration of the world rather than a twisting plot we are waiting too unfold. You are doing a great job developing your world just make sure you are also developing this plot and that it grows more and more intense with every chapter.

That's all I've got for you today. Feel free to let me know if you have any questions or comments about my review.

Thanks!

-Art

Thank you for the review! I'm actually overhauling the entire book now. Hopefully, the new version will be much better than this one. I would write in chapters, however it kills my flow. I've never been able to write in them.



It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected.
— Mark Twain