Watch the notes of a dying song,
gasping as if the air would run out.
It beckoned forth, the silence to come
and then was lost, leaving the memory of sound.
It had only just left
but hard to remember now.
Somehow it had not been so strong.
Watch each moment passing by,
stretched with only a slight
echo of past remembrance,
a room once filled with excitement.
Words bringing forth such thoughts,
not one’s own
but one could well understand.
Finding warmth in another’s feelings,
a ringing beat carrying them ashore.
Then playing out their meaning
on the mind’s wide stage.
And then dropping off the edge.
Another time would not be the same.
But that’s what they said, those voices.
They were not always right.
Later at the right moment,
they would be recalled.
They would ride those same currents
if one would only ask,
and bare their soul in performance.
And watching that would feel like home.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,817 Reviews
Hello, I’m here to review!
First off, I absolutely love how you began this poem. It was very descriptive and had some great imagery. I also really like the idea of this poem, the last notes of a dying song.
If I had any critique I would tell you to work on the middle of the poem. Reading the lines became sort of confusing, and I started to feel a disconnect from the poem. Of course, the middle is arguably one of the hardest things with writing a poem. So don’t beat yourself up. You did an amazing job c:
I don’t have much more critique, I feel like you ended and began this really strongly! But one more thing I’m going to say is I think this would work better if it were a shorter poem. I think you can capture the idea in shorter lines. Of course, poems have no decided length, I just feel it would be easier to read and understand.
That’s about all I have to say! Awesome job!! You should definitely continue writing poems, because you’re a really nice poet. As always, keep writing <3
-Daria
This is a very nice poem and I did enjoy reading it, however, keep in mind I'm simply nitpicking, the title and description don't really convey the nature of the poem very well, as the title makes is seem like it would be very short and melancholy.
I absolutely love the phrasing, varying line lengths, and the fact you wrote in free verse. If I were to nitpick again, I would say some parts of the poem seem kinda choppy and sudden, and it doesn't flow seemlessly, if I were to be perfectly honest, it seems that through the middle of the poem it's kinda repetitive, different wording to say the same thing. Keep in mind though you both started and ended very strong, and it is extremely difficult to keep the middle of the poem just as interesting as the rest, it's something most poets struggle with, so don't feel as if that makes your poem any less amazing.
Keep writing, awesome job, and I can't wait to read your other works!
Thank you! That makes sense. I made some edits.
Hallo!Am here to review this awesome poem.I don't review poetry much but it was so catchy i couldn't help it so bear with me
First off the blending of the words and rhymes is so mesmerizing and mystical just like your name.You described the whole scenario so well with a slight touch of drama.This is exactly how everyone feels after listening to a song if one pays attention to it.Especially the part where you described the slight remembrance of the songs lyrics
but replay button was made for a reason right!!.Watching is fine but how bout Listening to the notes of a dying song
Overall it was a beautiful poem and i hope to read more from you.
Keep Up the Excellent Work
peace out
Hey thanks a lot!
And I know that the watching part may seem strange but I was actually trying to convey an image of literally being able to watch those last few notes as they fade away.