Towards the lights in the distance she looked.
Past the hills and fields,
Where the gleam of the stars was dimmed
and clouds of mystery thrived.
She longed to be out there, walking the miles to the lights,
To see the world, to know the world,
To go beyond the fields.
There was not another soul around,
There was no one she had.
To her grand mother she looked for guidance
But the aged relative said,’ it’s a big, bad world out there girl,
It is no place for you. Stay here with me and misery you will know not’
But to her,misery was not knowing.
She could not stay there forever, so one day she left,
With what little she had.
She walked for miles across the fields, she knew how to gather food,
And then at last she reached the lights, she began to live her dream.
Exultant she knocked on closed doors and barred windows,
Not one would let her in, not one would give her a bite to eat.
Mistrust lay on doorsteps, mustrust hung from shutters.
Her heart grew heavy, her eyes opened.
They were asking for money, ‘Money?’ she thought,
Money she did not know for money had never mattered.
In the end, she had to return. Where else had to she to go?
She came back home and was received with open arms and tears.
She began to comprehend that family was all she had,
It was indeed a big, bad world and money made it go round.
The aged relative was all she had, her words were born out of love.
She had never realised before but blessings came in disguise.
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
Great poem! I really think that it flows nicely (then again, maybe someone else thinks otherwise... I'm not too keen when it comes to poetry, I just like reading it, so...). It captures how cruel the world it; I feel like I'm in the person's shoes. It's a discovery, a lesson.
I look forward to reading some more of your work!
Hey there! This is my first ever review since joining, so I hope it helps. What I liked about your poem was that the words and sentences flow so well together. However, I found a few errors.
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But the aged relative said, *remove the dash* *add quotation marks* "It's a big bad word out there, girl, It is no place for you. Stay here with me and misery you will know not."
But to her, *added space* misery was not knowing.
Mistrust lay on doorsteps, *fixed the mispelling>>* mistrust hung from shutters.
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But other than those small errors, your poem was beautiful. I hope to read more of your works soon!
Hey there! So I'm just gonna get to the point: I really liked this! I love the imagery you used with the stars and the fields in the distance representing mystery and the unknown. Really really great. My only advice would be to separate your poem into stanzas so the shifts in ideas are more evident especially since the speaker changes his/her mind throughout the piece. Also, and this is just a grammar thing, dialogue goes in quotation marks (") and you used apostrophes ('). Other than that, I really liked it!
Keep it up!
I really liked this poem and in my mind I felt like it had a lot of symbolism to mans curiosity and how "curiosity killed the cat". I kind of imagined that this was based off of something similar to Pandora's box. I imagined the main character as a Native American who lived in a tribe because you said she looked "past the hills and fields," and I felt that it implied she lived in the fields like a Native American and she sought advice from her grandmother which is usually what native Americans do,seek advice from the eldest (I'm part cherokee so yes I do know). Haha well know I'm all worked up about wether or not she's Native American! Please tell me if she is! Anyways I thought most of the grammar and spelling was correct but I think grand mother should have been spelled grandmother. Other than that it was a very good poem and you described everything very well!
~~karina