Soon, soon
He told himself,
His boots stepped past the bars of misery,
He paid no heed to faces staring out of the misery.
Weak, weak
His heart whispered, locked in ice there they were
Rattling the bars, begging for mercy,
Or slumped against the wall, waiting for the end.
Blood, blood
Screamed his heart as he looked at her,
She, who’s hands were tainted with the demise of his brother.
Defiance, defiance,
Radiated off her, the heat of hatred burned within her.
But then, shock replaced his fury
With the cell found empty a few hours later.
Hunt, hunt,
Urged his mind as he rode,
Looking for revenge but lost in the vastness.
Stop, stop,
His hand was on the sheath, doubt- new found doubt
Pricked his soul when she appeared out of nowhere,
Her devilish smile taunted his next move.
Options, options,
He quickly realised, he couldn’t kill her,
The pain would destroy him forever.
He couldn’t forgive her, his soul thirsted for revenge,
So he let her go and watched her disappear in the shadows.
Love, sweet love,
Had conquered his heart,
Born out of fire and purged by duty.
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140,552 Literary Works • 673,422 Reviews
Wow, I was blown away by the ideas presented in this poem.
"Screamed his heart as he looked at her,
She, who’s hands were tainted with the demise of his brother.
Insolence, defiance,
Radiated off her, the heat of hatred burned within her."
You've done a great job here, and in the surrounding lines, to really give the reader that sense of being locked away, not literally, but though the hate or disdain of someone that you admire so much. This comes out in the later lines, and is a very beautiful thought.
"So he let her go and watched her back disappear in the shadows.
Love, sweet love,
Had conquered his heart,
Born out of fire and purged by duty."
So sad for his love, but then, exciting that he realized the reality of life, accepts it, and that he no longer has this duel hate towards this woman who has rejected him. You've done a great job of explaining "love at war."
Thank you Mystique!
I'm glad you liked it, thank you for the review
Hey there Mystique. CatherinKanya here to review your work. The poem was a beautiful piece and i simply loved it. It was a very imaginative one too. But i do have to agree with UshertheThird. It could have been a little more descriptive cause i was quite confused in certain parts. I actually thought the man was the prisoner.
'He couldn’t forgive her, his soul thirsted for revenge, '
According to me it should have been "Thirsty" cause i don't think there is a word called thirsted.
But other than that it was a very good poem and i liked it very much. I had like to read more of your works.
Yeah, thank you so much
I didn't add too many descriptions because I wanted to keep it short but yeah, I'll look into that!!
Oh okay, i am really sorry. It's my bad. If you actually wanted it to be short I have no right to question that. But it was just amazing. Sorry for that comment.
Oh no no you are quite right!! Keeping it short is one thing but being vague is another. I'm glad you pointed that out!!
This is a great poem! I hope that you will continue to write like this. it will take you far. This poem tells a story.. and I enjoyed reading that story. but I also enjoyed the poem that you wrote... because it had many good elements. This was a great poem! I hope to read more from you soon.
Great job!
Thank you
Hello, Mystique! I like the story in this poem. It feels like a Western story, which is something I haven't seen before in a poem. The structure works really well with the poem's story. I like how each part is based on a single word, and it describes the emotions of the character very well.
My only suggestion is to add more detail, because I found parts of it confusing. For example, it might help to know the relationship between the two characters. I'm not sure why the man cared about the woman at the end. Also, it took me a while to figure out the setting, and who was in the jail.
I have a few small things to point out.
I think it might be better to not repeat the word "misery." Instead you could say, "faces staring out at him."
That should say "whose."
I think you should use a stronger word than "bad."
It might flow better if you remove the word "back."
I only have these few small suggestions. This is a very well-written poem, and I enjoyed reading it. Keep writing!
Thank you so much for the suggestions!! I quite agree but it's really difficult to change small parts in the poem after it is written. I'll try my best and thanks again !!!