Here's To It

by MorningStar
  • February 12, 2012
  • Poetry
  • Health · Dramatic
  • Poetry
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Here's to the "I can't do this".
Here's to the "I won't make it through this".
Here's to pink lines down your cheek.
Here's to smiling anyway.

I see you in a place you weren't supposed to know
I wish I could lift you and carry you home
I love you, I love you, I love you some more
As I betray you I smile anyway.

The clock tells me I no longer sleep
My stomach complains I no longer eat
My mind reminds me of how you are
Through the pain I smile anyway.

When I'm alone I finally cry
From the unending pain of watching you die
You can't get better but you're holding on tight
So I must learn to smile anyway.

I fear my dreams and what they'll say
Of how I'm treating you this way
I'll never be able to escape myself
And somehow I'll keep smiling anyway.

I need you to stay, I wish you would leave
If my pain worsens, yours would ease
I'd give anything for you to just be ok
And-- for you-- I'll smile anyway.
Comments & reviews · 1
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Paracosm
Review
Paracosm wrote a review · Sun Dec 30, 2012 2:19 am

Hey Star!

I really enjoyed your poem. I'm not great at reviewing poetry, but I'll do my best to give you a constructive review. Your poem was well written, it had a lyrical ring to it. You packed a ton of emotion into it, and your tell a dramatic story.

'The clock tells me I no longer sleep'

This line stood out to me because it felt cliched. It's not a bad line, but judging from the rest of the poem, you can do a lot better. The rest of this stanza is awesome. I can tell your character is anxious and depressed, but he still tries to show his smile, even if it's fake, even though he's hurting.

I also like the duality in this poem. He's stuck in a catch 22, stay with this girl, and he's hurt, stay with her and she's hurt. But he'll smile anyway. I really loved the two sides of the situation, it's brimming with conflict.

Good job Star! Keep up the good work!



As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.
— Andrew Carnegie