Fool Without A Master (Chapter 18 Part 1)

Chapter 18 - Nothing But Ash

I don’t know how long I sat in that corner, the click and thunk of the trapdoor a pendulum in my brain. I remember that the courtyard had cleared. Feet no longer darkened my little window and the haunting hush of the space was only perforated by the soft swish of skirts and scuff of boots passing by.

I could have lied to myself. I could have told myself she wasn’t really dead. I hadn’t actually seen it. It could all have been an elaborate performance. But it would have been a waste of energy. It’s true that when you lose someone close to you, their absence becomes a physical ache inside. A constant reminder.

My ears caught the familiar click of boots across the corridor outside but I had lost the ability to care. Leave me in here.

“The king told me stay at my post, Your Highness.”

“And now your prince is telling you to leave your post.”

A heavy pause followed.

“Are you disobeying your prince?” The dark power in Kaspar’s tone finally pulled me out of my stupor.

“No, Your Highness.”

“Well, get moving then.”

“Yes, Sire.”

Heavy footsteps and the metallic clink of armour echoed down the corridor. The door unlocked and Kaspar stepped in, his brows cut low. It took him a second to find me crumpled in the corner but then he was quick to drop to his knees before me.

“Wally.” The raw sorrow in his voice had my lips trembling instantly. Without another word, he gathered me up in his arms, squeezing me so tightly my bruised spine creaked in protest. But I clung to him, weak fingers burning with the strain.

“You need to leave,” he murmured against my ear before pulling away, big hands cupping my face. “Do you hear me? You’ve got to get out of here.”

I sent him a shallow smile, my mind sluggishly concocting a quip about being a prisoner but I didn’t have the strength to speak.

“Father has a taste for blood. I fear your friend… Mirabelle, was just the start. There’s also been word the raiders are closing in and King Oldin is holding back his forces. Father is completely unravelling.” The fear shining in his eyes was not just for me, it was also for the king. Despite just taking the innocent life of my friend, the king was still Kaspar’s father. The only family he had left.

“I’m going to get you out of here.”

I blinked, confused.

He sat back on his heels, running his hands through his short, blond hair.

“I’m getting you out of here,” he repeated, nodding to himself. “It’s the only way.”

“Kaspar, you can’t-” I rasped. The words tasted like dirt.

“Yes, I can.” His tone was firm, borderline frantic. “I’m the prince. I can do this. I’ve spoken to the stable boy. He’s left for lunch. He will not be to blame.”

“What are you talking about?” My mind was whirring.

“You can take Peaches. They won’t even notice she’s missing.” He took my hands, his touch scorching. With an unstable mix of care and determination, he pulled me to my feet. I swayed, phantom needles savagely attacking my lower half.

“You know the secret passageway closest to here, don’t you? The one that leads to the stables?”

I nodded. The same one I had taken after our fight. There was another entrance to it on this level a little way in the opposite direction to the council chambers. That fight in his room… it all seemed so trivial now.

“Great. Right. We don’t have much time. No doubt the guard has gone straight to Father to alert him about this.”

Grief lay like a thick, suffocating woollen blanket over my consciousness. His words weren’t making sense to me but I could see the desperation in the set of his jaw, the wildness in his widened eyes.

“What’s the plan?” Was I slurring? It felt like I was slurring.

He audibly gulped. “You... you leave. And-” He chewed his lower lip. “You can’t come back. You must stay away. Take Peaches and get as far away from here as you can. Leave Kalmador.”

I frowned. I’m not letting you go.

He seemed to read my train of thought.

“I know what I said but… At least this way you’ll be alive. You’ll be safe.”

I looked to the window. “I have to leave.”

Kaspar’s lips pressed into a thin line. He was losing his patience with me. Suddenly, he grabbed the nape of my neck, the tangled mess of my hair knotting in his fingers. A surprised gasp escaped me, and then his lips were on mine. The kiss was fierce, harsh and panicked.

The woollen blanket around my mind pulled free. Dust plumed. My heart pounded. The heat of Kaspar’s body pressed to mine calmed the painful tingling.

He broke away, eyes searching mine. I grabbed his collar and pulled him back, desperate to be lost in the feel of him. Tears sprung into my eyes as my tongue slid against his. A muffled sob lodged in his throat as he grabbed at my back, my waist, my jaw.

His forehead pressed against my own, breath hot on my face.

“You need to go,” he panted.

A tear dripped off my chin.

He closed his eyes tightly before sucking in a pained breath and pushing me towards the door. I stumbled, my feet still a little numb.

“There’s a change of clothes at the stables. And boots,” he said, not turning to me.

My hand found the doorjamb and I grabbed it for stability. As I stared at his back, broad shoulders stiff with tension, I knew in my bones that this would be the last time we ever saw each other. The memory of him relaxed against that tree trunk, clover twirling between his fingers rose to the forefront of my mind.

Every inch of my being screamed at me as words climbed up my throat, threatening to stop, to stick, like they always did.

“Kaspar,” I managed, voice a broken whisper.

His head turned, light lining his perfect profile before his eyes found mine.

“I…” I swallowed. “I love you, too. You know that, right?”

A soft smile curved on his lips. “Of course, I do. But it’s nice to finally hear you say it.”

I nodded, throat instantly blocked with tears. Managing one last smile, I took off down the corridor to the passageway.

____________________

Peaches may not have been the fastest mode of transportation but she seemed to have sensed the urgency within me because she sure did try. My mind snagged on a thought and I steered her in the direction of my home. I knew it was dangerous, the king could have already sent his knights after me but there was one thing I was not leaving Kalmador without.

Once inside my home, I hurriedly grabbed my satchel, opened my secret drawer and filled it with my unfinished masterpiece and all the money I had. In my haste, something flung from my drawer and was crushed beneath my scurrying feet before I even noticed. A lump lodged in my throat at the sound of the crunch, knowing full well what I had just done. Lifting my boot, a sudden, broken sob ripped from me at the sight of the flakes of eggshell. Kaspar’s eggshell. Shaking my head, I quickly collected myself and paused at my wardrobe. My heart clenched at the sight of my blue dress. The one I had brought to Kalmador. But it was too bulky. It was unnecessary. Its journey ended here.

From then on, I kept to the outskirts, following a similar beaten path Kaspar and I had taken on our little outing for his mother’s birthday. I was wearing the same thick, stuffy cloak he had given me that day and my feet were very much appreciating the thick, fur-lined socks he had paired with the leather boots.

I think I was still in a state of shock as I journeyed to the outer villages of Kalmador, not allowing myself to think of anything beyond the path set before me. Soon I was travelling across windy moors, feeling far too exposed to be content. The hills ebbed and flowed like waves of the sea and I tried my best to stay within the lower crevices where paths had been trodden into the dirt.

This worked out well for me until I was no longer alone. A patrol of knights were heading straight for me. Heart hammering, I pulled my hood low on my brow and kept a steady pace as I passed.

“Halt.”

Instinctively, I pulled on Peaches’ reins and she slowed to a stop beside four huge horses. On her back, I came up to the knight’s elbows.

“Y-yes?” I peered at the knight who spoke. He wasn’t wearing a helmet and the hood of his chainmail pooled at his back. Dark eyes appraised me and I couldn’t help but notice he was rather handsome. Clean shaven with a head of silky mahogany hair.

He jerked his head to the way they had come.

“Raider camp up ahead, to the west. Best to divert from this path and head east.”

I nodded. “Will do just that. Thank you, gentlemen.”

He watched me a moment longer before knocking his heel and trotting away, the others silently in tow.

Sticking to my word, and very much wanting to avoid being butchered by raiders, I kept to the path until I found a shallow incline and headed east up the hill so to not tire out Peaches. Once I felt a little safer, I hopped off Peaches and strode beside her for a while. The back of my neck prickled with recognition when I found another path, this one used much more frequently. I kicked up dust and stones, my eyes scoping my surroundings. This was the trail I took with the King’s Procession all those years ago. A lump swelled in my throat. It meant I was close.