z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Fool Without A Master (Chapter 14 Part 1)

by MissGangamash


Chapter 14 – The Protest

Mirabelle had been right. We marched into the square at the most opportune time. The stalls were open and customers milled about, but it was still quiet enough for us to make a grand entrance with little obstacles.

“WHAT DO WE WANT?” Mirabelle called at the head of the group.

“FAIR TREATMENT!” The protesters cried in unison.

“WHEN DO WE WANT IT?”

“NOW!”

I was being crushed within the bodies, angry spittle flying at my face. With the help of my bony elbows, I managed to wriggle my way to the edge of the cluster of people and eject myself, discarding my placard in the fray. I stumbled, the dislodging upsetting my footing. The fountain stopped my fall and I crashed down heavily onto the stone rim.

Mirabelle continued her rallying cries and from this vantage point, I could see she was grabbing everyone’s attention. They stopped their shopping and made their way towards the protestors like they were being pulled by an invisible force. My stomach dropped to my feet at the sight of a familiar face. Before I talked myself out of it, I barrelled towards her and pulled her behind a stall at the other end of the square. She blinked, shocked at my hands on her and jerked away.

“What the- What’s going on?” Her head spun back around towards Mirabelle, her wild hair whipping me across the face.

“Alta, what are you doing here?”

“I- shopping. I was hoping to haggle for some thread.” She wasn’t even looking at me; she was too entranced by Mirabelle.

Oh, how the tables had turned.

“Alta, listen to me. You need to go home. You can’t be seen here.”

“She’s the one who left the flyer, isn’t she?” she said, like she hadn’t even heard me. “That’s the group? The one you told me to stay away from?” She turned back to me, brows furrowed with scepticism. “Say, what are you doing here?”

“I- I don’t know. She’s my friend. But this can’t end well.”

“But she’s right. If we fight back, the king will have to listen. Your money helped a lot, Wallace, but I will not be able to make it another month if this carries on. How can I do nothing? They’re trying to help all of us. They’re putting themselves in danger for us.”

“Exactly. Danger. Please, let me take you home.”

The protesters had swarmed the square. Some had even climbed onto the fountain, clinging onto the stone lady seemingly oblivious to the water spraying them. Their chanting became louder and more direct.

“TAKE, TAKE, TAKE AND WE WILL BREAK, BREAK, BREAK”

“THE KING DOESN’T CARE! WE CARE!”

“MARCH OR WE STARVE”

The determined set of Alta’s shoulders told me all I needed to know. Without even looking back at me, she strode into the crowd and the next time I spotted her, she was waving a placard reading-

‘KING CEDRIC, KING OF THE PEOPLE

WHERE ARE YOU NOW?’

The crowd had easily doubled. Even some of the vendors had abandoned their businesses to grab a placard. The majority were marching in a circle around the fountain, but some protesters were straying, seeping into nearby buildings and accumulating more and more people.

The ruckus was so loud and intimidating I found myself crumpled in the alley between two shops. My mind screamed at me to run, to get away from the situation, but I couldn’t take my eyes off Mirabelle. Her face was almost blood red, the veins in her neck straining against her skin as she screamed. She may have been wearing a simply faded yellow smock which, on anyone else, would have made them invisible, but she positively radiated power.

But then the structured coordination began to crumble. As more and more people joined the group from every direction, there were jostles and disagreements within the fray. I could spot them like fish swimming against a current. Some were arguing over the placards, trying to grab them out of each other’s hands. Some just seemed to be causing trouble for the sake of it.

Jerome, the blacksmith, fell face first into the foundation when a protester dragged him in. He surged to his feet, grabbing the man by his collar and shaking him like a doll. The woman hanging on the statue’s arm jumped down and yanked them apart, shouting something I couldn’t hear over the rest of the chanting.

The unrest seemed to spread like a disease. Protesters turned on protesters. They grabbed the remaining vendors from behind their stalls and screamed at them for not joining in. I had been focusing too much on finding Alta amongst the fights that I was caught completely off-guard when the stall closest to me suddenly went up in flames. The heat licked at my already sweat-coated face. I jumped back, landed funny on the cobbles and dropped onto my back. The impact of the fall knocked the wind right out of me.

The reverberations of the horse’s hooves rattled against my ears before I saw them. The chanting turned to screams and I had to drag myself across the cobbles to a nearby wall before I was crushed underfoot. As the crowd began to disperse, I saw the guards. Clad in full chainmail and red tabards, with short swords hanging at their waists, they circled the square before dismounting and collecting the protesters that remained.

Mirabelle.

I jumped to my feet, frantically searching the rushing people but I couldn’t find her. Some of the protesters, in their attempt to flee, were thrown right into the guards arms. They kicked and flailed like children being forced to bed as they were dragged away. Alta was caught. I watched her from my spot against the wall as her wrists were locked in shackles behind her back and she was escorted into jail cart, her head bent in subjugation.

A scream lodged in my throat. It scraped against my insides, panic alighting all my senses. Too much was happening. The fire beside me had spread to the neighbouring stall, the collection of origami figures alighting one by one with a pop until only a trail of ash was left behind.

I am sorry to say this, dear reader, but after unsuccessfully scoping the square for my best friend, I ran. I ran as fast as my shaking legs could carry me until I dropped to my knees in the woods surrounding my house and cried into the dirt.

It was a while until I managed to get back to my feet and travel the rest of the way to my lodge. The clothes I had worn to the ball were still strewn across my floor and my jaw clenched at the memory of why I had changed in such a hurry. I hadn’t wanted to be alone. I had sought Mirabelle for her easy, comforting camaraderie. But the saddening truth was that that was not the case anymore. Mirabelle was no longer the girl who idolised me and wanted nothing more than to waste the day making people laugh. Mirabelle was a grown woman with her own sense of self. And I envied her for that.

Dropping onto my bed, I fought a battle within myself. A part of me wanted to run back to her house to check she had made it home, but another part of me wanted to curl up under my blankets and wish the horrible day away.

I did the latter.

By the time I woke up from my wearisome nap, it was too dark outside for me to even think of doing anything productive. The image of Alta being carted away played round and round in my mind all night. Sometimes she morphed into Mirabelle. Sometimes she morphed into me.  


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Thu Mar 17, 2022 6:53 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi MissGangamash,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

This chapter left me with goosebumps. I was surprised and also happy about the unusual continuation of the plot and can understand only too well how Wally feels now in this situation.

You managed, despite the rather short beginning, to get straight to the main point of the chapter and even though we only "focused" on one thing this time, I think we also see a brief point of development in Wally. In terms of tone, I thought the situation was developing well until the escalation came. Because you managed it in such a way that it came across convincingly.

I felt like there were some moments missing in the story but since it was told from Wally's perspective, it's understandable that those are some minor gaps. I like how everything developed at this pace and how Wally is a bit conflicted there between royalty and his old girlfriend but also especially with himself and his "comfort zone".

Mirabelle had been right. We marched into the square at the most opportune time. The stalls were open and customers milled about, but it was still quiet enough for us to make a grand entrance with little obstacles.

I don't know if this was done deliberately, but this short beginning gives me the impression that it reflects Wally. He wants to get it all over with as quickly as possible and that's why he refers to so little in everything, so it doesn't take so long. I think I like the more fleshed out beginnings better, but I also see what we have here and like that change.

I had sought Mirabelle for her easy, comforting camaraderie. But the saddening truth was that that was not the case anymore. Mirabelle was no longer the girl who idolised me and wanted nothing more than to waste the day making people laugh. Mirabelle was a grown woman with her own sense of self. And I envied her for that.

With the conclusion of the chapter title, you definitely manage to take that second look into the chapter. You can see that Wally is a bit constricted in his world and also has to make himself understand that he is now an adult and has consequences and holds them accountable. Mirabelle seems to be fully aware of this, but he is probably still too dependent on others. I don't remember if I mentioned this before, but I think Wally sees Kaspar a bit like a father figure, and so he probably thinks to himself that he is still a child. In any case, I like how Wally tries to distract himself from everything here, so as not to think about it any more.

In summary, a good start to the chapter, especially because it allows for a fairly open ending.

Have fun writing!

Mailice






Hello!

Like I said with the previous chapter, this is the part of the story Wallace is least proud of so, as you said, he does rush and stumble through this part. I'm glad that came across. I wanted to describe enough for the reader to envision what was going on but also reflect Wallace's reluctance to dwell.

I feel Wallace does see the people in his life in kind of a 'what purpose does this person have to me,' not in a selfish way, but more of a compartmentalising way. Mirabelle used to be his fun, easy going friend who he would go to for fun and to stir up trouble, but she no longer fits into that mould anymore and he's struggling with that realisation. It's almost like he sees everything as a play - that people have their roles and should stick to them. So when people change, he gets a little lost.

And like you said with Kaspar, I agree that he sees him as sort of a fatherly figure. Someone to look up to and seek validation from. I try to make it obvious throughout the story that Wallace struggles with this need for attention but also not wanting to be seen. He thought Kaspar saw him in the way he wanted, in the way he had orchestrated, but in the last scene with them, wires got crossed and he thinks Kaspar only sees him as a distraction.

And I agree that I think Wallace does see himself as a child still in some ways. He even questioned earlier whether he has grown at all since leaving Greysmarsh.

Thanks for the review!



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Wed Mar 16, 2022 6:28 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey MissGangamash!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

Somehow after the way things ended in the previous chapter, I had thought that something like this might happen. The way you have been building the story until now, all the plot points seem to have collided in this one big climatic moment. I could feel the importance of what was about to happen before it even began, and by that, I mean that you have done an incredible job in building up the tension through all these chapters.

The stalls were open and customers milled about, but it was still quiet enough for us to make a grand entrance with little obstacles.

For some reason, I felt that the part before the protest turned ugly was less descriptive than after. I think it can be explained by Wallace's own nerves and his inability to actually process all that was spinning out of control around him. However, since the revolution reaches its peak in this moment, and this particular protest pretty much changes everything for Wallace, I think you should be a little more elaborate in your descriptions. It seemed like before we had even properly settled into the scene, the center screen was already occupied by Alta and Wallace's conversation. As a result, we can feel Alta being transfixed by what was going on in front of her, but we could not imagine it ourselves because got the more important details afterwards. And since this was a major turning point in the story, as well as in Wallace's life, I think it required a bit more set up than what we got.

But then the structured coordination began to crumble.

I like the description that came after Alta had joined the movement. Wallace seemed more attentive to what was going on after that, and the narration provided us with an idea of not only what was going on around Wallace but an idea of what was going on inside his head as well. His emotions were a highlight of that moment and I could feel the brief moment of panic he experienced while looking around for Mirabelle.

I did think however, that the moment we got into the heart of the protest, it all came crumbling down in Wallace's own words. There was again a transition that I feel happened too quickly and without our notice. We were only just getting to experience the flame of the protest at its brightest, when suddenly everything exploded into chaos. I did not understand why the protesters started turning on each other. I could understand their anger on those who refused to join but what was the point of being violent against each other, especially when they were all fighting for the same cause? But I guess, that is the danger of revolutions like these. Something or the other always goes wrong, and its the innocent who pay the price, simply owing to the fact that they were caught in the cross fire.

I am sorry to say this, dear reader, but after unsuccessfully scoping the square for my best friend, I ran.

For some reason, I felt this was a very important and difficult admission from Wallace. I could feel the conflict in him, the panic and the horror at what was going on. Watching Alta being arrested was probably the last straw for him, the protest got all too real after the very moment he saw someone he cared about being carted away. I am not sure about what is going to happen to Alta, but I think I can now understand some semblance of the guilt that is eating away at present Wallace. He believes he could have prevented all this from ever happening by telling Mirabelle about her connection with the Palace. I can't say for sure that it would have worked, but I think it is the possibility of things ending in a different way if he had spoken up, that's gnawing at him.

Mirabelle was a grown woman with her own sense of self. And I envied her for that.

This was a rather late realization coming from Wallace, but its an important one anyways. All this while, he had been looking at Mirabelle as someone he had to protect and save from her own actions. But I think, he had completely disregarded the fact that in the years they have spent apart, they have both changed and grown as individuals. I think this change was bigger for Mirabelle as she really is a different person from the soft yet strong girl we met way back in the first chapter. I think its mostly because of the responsibilities she had to carry on her own. Wallace was mostly inside the protected walls of the palace. He did not have to face all the things that Mirabelle might have had to face. And even after losing the job, he is still under the Palace's protection. I think that is why he was so surprised at the different side of Mirabelle that he got to see at the protest. She was fierce and passionate and demanding in her call for justice, and I think in that moment Wallace had for the first time, viewed her not as his best friend, but as an individual in her own right.

Mirabelle owns who she is, she cannot be stopped or deterred and she is everything that Wallace wants to be but is not. If I am very honest, I cannot imagine Wallace standing up for himself, let alone other people. He is a good and complicated man. But he has pushed himself into the background so often in a desperate attempt to fade away, that now, he has almost become one with it. Its interesting, because that was also his role during the protest. He did not exactly participate, and he did not exactly stand against it either. He was just always there in the background, silently witnessing everything, until that one moment he could not do it anymore. And then he ran.

That's all!

Keep writing and have a great day!

Until next time!






Hello!

I'll keep that in mind about the descriptions about the protest. I didn't want to go into too much detail, to show how Wallace wasn't really 'in' it mentally. But if that makes it difficult for the readers to picture what's going on, I'll juggle some things around.

For why the protesters started turning on each other was just from experience from crowds and this 'pack mentality.' Emotions are heightened - anger and irritation being amongst them. One accidental shove here and there quickly becomes a brawl in those types of situations.

You're right. Even though Wallace has his own personal issues with identity, self worth, and finding his place in the world - his life has been pretty cushy compared to Mirabelle's. She's become hardened in the years they've been apart. She knows who she is and what she wants, the complete opposite to Wallace.

They may still be close friends in theory, but she is not the girl he left back in Greysmarsh.

Thanks for the review!




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