Young Writers Society

Hello--I'm here for the requested review!

Your poem is so charming and sweet and I feel as if a child is the speaker of the poem. Like that exhilarating feeling of bouncing up! and down! and so forth. The speaker's happiness is infectious actually--it did make me smile.

I'm kind of imagining the trampoline as somewhere you can escape to, when life is hard. It's as if you can do whatever you like here--you're alone, nobody's watching. Your poem's simple but appealing.

But...I feel as if some stanzas are repeating each other. I mean not word by word but the ideas, you see. This is all about happiness and I love it, but I would have liked to see something more special. It kind of gets repetitious. No need to delve into every detail, but peering at it a tad differently would help. I think the flying imagery here matches but...it doesn't exactly strike me.

I’m soaring, flying

I have no fear.

I know the mat is there to catch me.

Ah, hello there!

I love the poem. It brings back some beautiful memories, although, I was often somewhat scared of trampolines.

I love how amazingly you portrayed the joy, the excitement, and how you took the readers along to experience the whole venture. The one problem I see with the poem is the structural issue. I think a proper structure just helps you grow as a writer so, I'd suggest you take a look at this. YWS's got huge resources on punctuation usage, syllables in poetry, formatting poetry so, I think you'd enjoy going through them and find them helpful too.

I hope you keep writing! Good luck.

Heeey, Alyssa here . First of all, I would like to say that you did a great job. You truly tried to entice your readers by taking them on that adventure with you, which is great. Just for organizational purposes, I like to organize my reviews into pros and cons lists, so please bare with me .

Pros: You did a great job creating different emotions in your piece that make the readers feel like they are along with you on that journey "up and down" in the air. Also, I like the way you separated your stanzas; they look extra fancy . The way you wrapped up the poem was great too, ending your poem in the same way you started it. That's very uniform, and I enjoy it.

Cons: One thing I would like to suggest is adding some sort of structure or pattern. Not all poems have to be rhyming, that's fine. But when reading this, some sort of pattern in the length of your lines, the number of syllables, and the frequency of adjectives could really add some depth to this piece, as well as contributing to the fact that poems are often designed in specific ways to separate themselves from vague short stories. Overall, you did great, though. And though I love the way you ended this piece, I actually think it would be stronger if you deleted the last line. That way, it leaves the readers with that thrilling picture of springing back up in the air, versus the image of a simple trampoline. In all, great job!

Thanks for posting, I truly enjoyed reading this! I reeeeally hope that you keep publishing. Poems like this are a truuuue joy to read. You have a true talent. As always, thanks for writing, and I hope to read more from you later .