Young Writers Society

Hello Midnightmoon! sorry this review had to be short but I don't have a lot of time so I will do my best

Overall I think your review was wonderful, I myself like a good strong start to pull people in, and you had that! I think one of my favorite lines was "It didn't express the tears that I help back" and everything about your poem was great! I am not good at poetry so I cant say much, but I did not find any problems at all in your piece, so great work! again, I apologies for the short review but life goes on keep writing!


from Gold.

Midnightmoon
Hi, I am Ishan212 to review your poem 'Going Back'

Finally,I managed to find your poem. So let's begin the review.

'Going Back': looking at the past with a bit of nostalgia, trying to achieve what can't be achieved, an intelligent choice of words is what makes your poem rather fantastic.
The poem was about a girl who tries to go back in time to overcome some sought of problem with her friend. A problem that can't be expressed better in words than it has been expressed above you, Midnightmoon.

I do not have a lot to review about . Your poem is well written. I could not find any errors.
For me the poem was a success., rather a nice poem.
Thanks
Keep Writing!!!
Ishan212

Hey there MidnightMoon and greetings from the After Watch shift. It's just lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.

The previous reviewer has already gone very in depth but I just want to cruise through some of the basic things, starting with formatting. I would definitely recommend using stanzas to separate the different but still somewhat connected thoughts of your poem. Not only does this help with the emotional values pulled from the text but it balances the flow out and makes sure you don't speed through things too quickly. (more on this later on) So even if you don't mess around too much with the formatting in the way of line placement, it's still good to experiment with caps/no caps at the beginning of lines. Every single line is a bit tiresome to me, especially considering how long the poem is, so perhaps no caps on most of the lines would suit you well.

The flow hangs and sticks at some place but for the most part, it was moving along too fast for me to catch a glimpse. The addition of the punctuation was helpful but I still see some trouble spots around the longer lines. It's like you're trying to shift the gears down too quickly instead of just slowly getting down to the original line length. So you can mend this in two ways: makes the lines descend in length below each long line or just use stanzas. Either one gives you similar results flow wise but the end stops of a period look like stop points anyways.

The poem itself is a bit beautiful and emotion triggering but not really enough to catch my eye all the way. I think I will recommend spicing up the imagery to help with this and adding in a bit of figurative language.

Alright heading on my way out now.
Good day and good luck.
~Lady Lizz

Note: Make sure to read everything. I start out with negatives as usual, and I will point out every flaw I find, but at the end you'll find some compliments as well.

Man, she could make it easier on him, man up and approach... I can almost guarantee he'd accept, or at least consider her offer, knowing how damn hard (if not harder) these stupid crushes can be on us guys as well, especially at this edgy age of instability and hardship. She should approach him. It's always a pleasant change of pace.
Anyway, back to the review.

Overall, it'll do. Can't say I found it particularly touching or thought-provoking, but it wasn't really bad either. You will need a lot of practice, if you intend to become an extraordinarily good poet, but that applies to all of us here. I have yet to see poetry that was truly stunning, including my own, so you're in good company!

Anyway, on with it. You have a problem with rhythm, I'd say. It's freeverse, that much is obvious, but rhythm is still so important! In fact, I think it's the most important part of a poem, perhaps after the message. When your lines are awkward to read, the reader isn't really motivated to finish your work. It needs to flow, like a good speech, like a song, almost. Otherwise, you might as well be writing prose. See, that's an issue I encounter with a lot of poetry here (and elsewhere), that being that often times your poetry boils down to prose in lines with vivid imagery. What you want to do is make sure words in individual lines are of similar length. Your lines should also have a similar number of syllables, or they can be varied, but should then form some sort of pattern. That's my $.02.

That's the biggest issue I have with your work right there. The rest seems decent enough, so just work on your rhythm! Rhymes are unnecessary, don't force them unless they fit, but rhythm is absolutely essential. That, or give prose a shot. Contrary to popular belief, prose can be way more sophisticated, and easier to write than poetry. If done right, of course. There's some awful prose out there, mine included.

I commend you for not messing around with your formatting too much. Fancy line placement is frankly overused and just boring. That's something I like about your poem quite a bit, you know, you don't try to force that weird aesthetic of throwing your lines like sand in the wind and seeing what comes of it. It's nice and orderly. I like that.

Imagery's pretty nice. It can always be better, but it was actually fairly enjoyable! By the way, in the line "When the lightning that light up the sky", did you mean "lit up the sky", by chance? Just asking.

So that about does it! I think I covered everything in need of covering. Keep at it mate. Also, remember to try new themes. While heartbreak poems are perfectly valid, there's an abundance of them. Something fresh is always welcome, and I guarantee it'll improve your work instantly. Try new stuff! It's great for the mind!

Cheers,
Schweinehund.