It creeps upon you sometimes, silent as a shadow,
Other times it hits you, like a flash of lightening.
Inserting the blade of a knife, cutting your heart in two.
The cause is different for different people, but it comes in the same way, and it feels the same.
It's name, is Pain.
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139,906 Literary Works • 672,732 Reviews
Hello Jay!!
I finally got around to doing the review so here goes nothing.
I liked how it was short and simple but also carried a lot of meaning into it.
I LOVE how you ended it! "its name, is Pain" oh my gosh! that has to be the BEST part of your poem I think
the whole thing was good, I could not find at grammatical errors through it, I think because I was too swept away by your work to notes....oops.
But still great work! I would love, love, LOVE to here when your next poem comes out!
from. Gold~
Hey, Mockingjay78! It's ScytheMeister here for a quick review
This was a great poem. I loved how you have used physical pain to present the emotional pain behind this poem, it was a great idea. Great work!
I did have a tiny issue with this line, though. Here you write "Inserting the blade of a knife." I felt kinda of like the flow was disturbed. The extra information "of a knife" was what halted that flow. I would change the line to:
And also this line:
First of all, I felt that it was far too long. It should be chopped down into separate lines like so:
Secondly, the first line needs revised slightly. I would change one of the repeated words ("different"). For example, I suggest:
For the last line, I would take out the comma:
But also, I would write the word "pain" in italics. So:
Overall, I would just re-arrange the structure. You've included too much information on one line. This is what I think it should look like:
I hope this helped! Good work
-ScytheMeister
Thanks!
Hello, My name is Tropic and I am here to review your work
So it was interesting, I main honestly I am more into nature poems or love poems but this was okay!
So what inspired you to write a poem like this?
A bad day? School? Family? I would like to no, I always like to here what the motivation was of the poem that I am reviewing
Well I liked it and I don't really see much of a problem with it, the review under me already covered the grammatical error so, great work!
Have a lovely day.
Love, Tropic
A book and yeah, bad days.
. Thanks for your review!
shore thing!
Hi. this is kman134. i'm here to review your work.
the use of suicide and self-infliction was put together well. the feeling of pain varies from person to person, realistically depending on what instrument you use.
"Inserting the blade of a knife, cutting your heart in two."
This was my favorite part. it was so dark and in-depth that it was like being on an operating table and the scalpel cutting the cardiac veins before its removal.
Anyways, this was a pretty good poem. it was very realistic and very emotional. i hope you keep writing.
Thanks for the review, I'm glad you liked it.