Her bones are glass, her heart is ice
she cannot bear to live her life
she can smile, she can breathe
why is she not lucky as you or me?
She can laugh, she can cry
why is there no way to die?
Her heart of ice still can beat
but it can no longer hold the heat
The boy, the boy, oh how he sees
he sees much more than you or me
the way she looks, the way she laughs
the power to tear his heart in half
the boy, the boy, oh how he sees
he sees her standing there under the trees
she smiles, she laughs, but cannot hide
what the boy can see inside
she tries, she tries, oh how she tries
to hide the thoughts she keeps inside
but the boy who sees can see right past
the wall she kept up to last and last
her heart, her heart, the one of ice
cannot keep out the boy so nice
he sees right past her heart of ice
the one that won't let her live her life
he loves her laugh, the one that masks
Oh, the boy he loves to bask
in her love, the love that lasts
this love, this love, the one that hides
is slowly breaking the wall inside
Her heart of ice will no longer be
when he sees and sees and sees
Through her wall held up so high
she cannot hide, she cannot lie
because he sees, oh how he sees
way much more than you or me
he sees her heart melt right through
with love and devotion no one knew
her heart, her heart, the one of ice
can no longer keep out the boy so nice
It melts and melts, oh how it melts
she laughs, she loves,
she cried, she dealt
before the boy came in to melt
the heart, the heart, of ice she held
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140,859 Literary Works • 673,695 Reviews
I loved this so much. I loved the love between the boy and the girl, but more than love -understanding. I think sometimes to understand is harder to pull off than love. I liked the rhythm, although perhaps it was a bit long - some of the sections were kind of repetitive. Overall, this was an amzing, heartfelt poem that I really enjoyed. Please keep writing!
I really like this. Might I say that your poem isn't as depressing as some of my poems? That's a good thing.
But, anyway, this is really good.
I loved this poem! But you've thoroughly killed the comma monster and my hands are cramping from writing "comma". Poems can have those too, y'know. Anyways, a lot of the words were repeated and I think you could do better for the poem with a more extensive vocabulary choice.
If you have any question, feel free to PM me!
-- Delanie
Welcome to YWS, nice first poem! I like the repetition and the beat is quite good although it sounds a little off in some places. But I would suggest you add commas and fix the grammar problems. The rhyming patter isn't to bad but it does not seem to have a defined which i can see. I also fussy about shape, the stanza's have different numbers of lines and that bugs me. But the last two things i just said are only opinions, no need for you to change them but the grammar need to be given a second look.
Great poem! if you need any help drop me a line!
Hey there!!! Welcome to YWS!!!
I liked your poem very much... I could feel the love radiating from the poem as I read it... It was very nicely written and maybe a bit too long... I say maybe because that's what I think...
Keep writing and posting:)
Harshita...