Not an Angel from Above

by Mickixoxo

  • Poetry
  • Dramatic

Published May 10, 2011

In Poems

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Spoiler! :
I'm not sure about a few of these stanzas.... But I feel really strongly about this topic (though I'm 100% straight) It really makes me mad how some people are treated and I just wanted to say something about it. I hope you like it! :)


I hate what I hear-
What is voiced and what is heard.
It's all just a load of crap,
Some things are so absurd.

People say this, and people say that,
You make me want to yell.
They have feelings and thoughts,
They're not your show and tell.

You should think of other people,
And think of what to say,
Everyone has feelings,
No matter if they're "gay"

You say they're wrong
Or just not as right as you,
Yet it's not how you think you are,
It's what you say and do.

Please stop talking
You're getting on my nerves.
How can you say those things
When it's something no one deserves?

They could be gay or bi and yet,
Please, just listen here.
You're being very cruel and mean,
And no one needs your sneer.

Girl and girl, or boy and boy,
They're couples either way.
They're fine and good the way they are,
Aside from what you say.

They're not devils from below
And you're not an angel from above.
So, please, just listen to these words,
Love is love, is love.

Comments & reviews · 5
User avatar
Demeter
Review
Demeter wrote a review Review · May 12, 2011

Hey Micki, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind, hey Micki!

[/funny]

Alright! Obviously this poem is meant to do good, which is - well - good, right? Unfortunately stupid people do exist, but maybe if more and more people keep trying to make them see reason like this, there'd eventually be fewer stupid people.

I think what was the most problematic for me in this poem was that you kept slipping off your rhythm scheme. There's actually no particular "scheme", because it seems that most of the stanzas seem to be different from the previous one. Let's take this stanza for example:

Please stop talking
You're getting on my nerves.
How can you say those things
When it's something no one deserves?


I think "nerves-deserves" is a good rhyme pair, but because all the lines are such different lengths, the rhyme gets overshadowed by the rhythm that's all over the place. This also makes the reading less enjoyable. All the rhymes you have are proper rhymes, but they don't sound as good as they should because of the rhythm.


I was a bit confused with this one:

They have feelings and thoughts,
They're not your show and tell.


More precisely the last line. I don't really understand what you mean by "your show and tell" -- are you using "show and tell" as a noun? Or should it be read more like "yours to show and tell"?


My favourite stanza was the second to last one (the one starting "Girl and girl"), because everything worked there and it flowed well. I want to see more stanzas like that! :)


Demeter
x

User avatar
LadyFreeWill
Review
LadyFreeWill wrote a review Review · May 12, 2011

Hellos! This is TheScratchMan, and I will be reviewing your article today. Things in red font are changes I have made that make sense to ME.

Mickixoxo wrote:I hate what I hear-
What is voiced and what is heard.
It's all just a load of crap,
Some things are so absurd.

People say this, and people say that,
They make me want to yell.
They have feelings and thoughts,
They're not your show and tell. Okay, so the last two 'they's are in reference to the homosexuals, correct? If so, I think your should say so, because the 'you' that used to be in the second line doesn't really fit after the first line of this stanza refers to people in general.

You should think of other people,
And think of what to say,
Everyone has feelings,
No matter if they're "gay" Why the quotes? You're either gay or not.

You say they're wrong,
Or just not as right as you.
Yet it's not how you think you are,
It's what you say and do.

Please stop talking;
You're getting on my nerves.
How can you say those things
When it's something no one deserves?

They could be gay or bi and yet,
Please, just listen here.
You're being very cruel and mean,
And no one needs your sneer. Indeed!

Girl and girl, or boy and boy,
They're couples either way.
They're fine and good the way they are,
Aside from what you say.

They're not devils from below
And you're not an angel from above.
So, please, just listen to these words,
Love is love, is love.


Nice ending! I totally agree with this poem. Homophobes completely infuriate me. There was a sort of pleading edge to this poem which I didn't really like, though. It's almost as if the narrator is begging these mean people to stop. Otherwise, greatness has been achieved!
Keep writing,
TSM

User avatar
AdoxagraphyAngelus
Review
AdoxagraphyAngelus wrote a review Review · May 11, 2011

Though you know my opinion on these matters, I still really enjoyed this. :) No one deserves to be judged, your right. So, awesome job on that. Now onto nit-picks, my least favorite part of reviewing. XP

I hate what I hear-
What is voiced and what is heard. Micksters, this doesn't really make sense. Its just a bit confusing. What is voiced and what is heard???
It's all just a load of crap,
Some things are so absurd.

People say this, and people say that,
You make me want to yell.
They have feelings and thoughts,
They're not your show and tell. Not your show and tell. I like it.

You should think of other people,
And think of what to say,
Everyone has feelings,
No matter if they're "gay" A period should be after gay and before the parentheses.

You say they're wrong
Or just not as right as you,
Yet it's not how you think you are, How? Maybe, "Yet it's not who you think you are," instead.
It's what you say and do.

Please stop talking Comma
You're getting on my nerves.
How can you say those things
When it's something no one deserves?

They could be gay or bi and yet,
Please, just listen here.
You're being very cruel and mean,
And no one needs your sneer. Amen. No one should judge.

Girl and girl, or boy and boy,
They're couples Comma either way.
They're fine and good the way they are,
Aside from what you say.

They're not devils from below
And you're not an angel from above.
So, please, just listen to these words,
Love is love, is love.


So, yeah, I don't completely agree with this poem, but I understand that your ticked off at people judging others because there gay or bi or whatever there sexuality is. Its not up to us to judge. After all, were only human, no one's better than the other. So, kudos to you and the awesome meaning of this poem. :) You always write so well, Micksters. Your awesome. :) Love you.

User avatar
fireheartedkaratepup
Review
fireheartedkaratepup wrote a review Review · May 11, 2011

.....................................................................

No comment on the content.

I hate what I hear
What is voiced and what is heard.

Maybe some punctuation here-- perhaps a comma, perhaps a hyphen on the end of the first line. (Why am I using perhaps? O.o)

People say this, and people say that,
You make me want to yell.
They have feelings and thoughts,
They're not your show and tell.

Kinda feel you lose the flow, here--unfortunately, I'm not sure how to fix it. T.T Sorry.
Also, people say this and that? This and that could be anything. XD
...maybe add a "too" to the next-to-last line. I don't know.


You're getting on my nerves.

Typo.


You're being cruel and mean,
And no one needs your sneer.

I feel it would flow better if you added a "very" to the first line. Or something.


A girl and girl, or boy and boy,

Delete the first a or add one before the first boy to keep things consistent.


They're not devils from below

Maybe a comma?


So just, please, listen to these words,
A Love is love, is love.

I'd move "just" to after "please" and delete "A", because the former sounds better and the latter sounds awkward.



I kind feel like my wording was confusing in some of this. :P

Anyway, it didn't quite flow right for me. It was alright, but not your best work ever.

And I'll admit I'm biased. Though I understand lgbt's need to be treated with love and respect (and I don't treat them any differently.... unless there's something I'm not aware of :P) I have moral objections to that sort of lifestyle. I tried to remain objective and review anyway, but I apologize if my view was clouded.

Anyway, you did a good job. (I say anyway way too much.) As I said, the flow could be better, but I can still tell you're a poet...this is not coming out right. I'm sorry.

Good job.

User avatar
Nike
Comment
Nike commented Comment · May 10, 2011

Wow, this is inspirational. I loved every word in this poem. Great job. The emotion was perfectly set for this. Amazing.

Keep Writing!

Nike :)



What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. That doesn't happen much, though.
— J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye