Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,529 Literary Works • 673,399 Reviews
Hello there. :3
This poem was on my reading list for a long time because I have been kinda lazy these days and my exams are here and... never mind. XD I liked the idea of the whole winterland thing and I liked the descriptions you gave regarding winter. A few words were missing here and there, as pup already said but that can be ignored because even without those words the sentence make sense but they don't tend to provide the feel. I would prefer using the whole sentences. Well as I said, I would prefer which means that you may or may not. It's your poem.
Some nitpicks:
This is a good stanza to give a kick start to your poem. I liked the first line a lot. World of ivory. Good. But what did confuse me was the last line. Did you mean that the world was waiting for it to be told something? If yes, then what? Did it want to be told about the winterland?
The capitalizing of the words after a comma tends to bother me while reading. And the period after gently gives a sudden stop to the poem. It’s like a jerk to the reader. It ruins the totally flow which was created. And why are they bending? Is it because of the weight of the snow? And if they are already barren then how can they fight for their life? Ok, ignore the last question. XD
Who are they over here? The barren trees? And the second line is a bit off on the flow. Cool, covered ground doesn’t sound good.
The hyphen is totally not needed there. The first two do not make sense if you consider them grammar wise. Change the second line to “falling from the sky” and remove the hyphen. And the last line seems a bit odd while reading. Nearly miles? Rewording could do the trick here.
Thats all from me. I hope my review helps. If you have any queries just let me know.
Keep writing.
Hello there.
Nitpicks:
- I like this beginning.
- If you're gonna leave that 'u' in small caps, then I think you should type the rest of the first letters in the second and fourth lines of each verse in small caps too.
- This is ungrammatical. I'm not sure if the use of hyphen is correct too. Perhaps, this is better this way: 'The diamonds come falling from the sky'
- I simply like the ending and the way you worded it.
This is a really beautiful poem.
Never stop writing!
I totally started reviewing this earlier.
Then I forgot.
Sorry.
Told what? O.o ;3
My first instinct is to have a hyphen instead of a period on the first line, but I love hyphens, so........ :p
I feel like you could insert a "That" at the beginning of the second line and not interrupt the flow.
I feel like you're leaving out a lot of words here, like "are", and I don't know why. I think you could add the are to the first line and use "Jack Frost's" for the second. For the next-to-last, you could use a hyphen (see? What did I tell you? But really, this time) and add (at least) a "You" on to the beginning, there.
To.
Overall, this was beautiful, but I think you left out too many words for the sake of style/flow. Those things can be easily fixed-- good job!
That was really pretty, though it lacked some point. That just added to it's prettiness, though.
I loved this loads
The only thing I can pick at is
Spoiler
A glistening angel,upon the snow;
other than that it's great
Keep writing- good luck
JJxVoodo
This is a really great poem, i really liked it. Sorry, i don't really have much to say aside from that, which is a lot given i'm not that into poetry. It's short and succinct, it keeps your "audience" , if you will, engaged. Good job
Quest.
I like some of the description you've done! The use of the word Ivory to describe the white of winter is unique, and creative. It's nice! Also, the stanza on the trees is interesting, it seems to me as if they are fighting for their lives in the coldness that is winter.
Just a few things to comment on:
These lines annoyed me:
I think it was the warmly along with the cool glow, but I felt these lines just didn't match the poem.
Also, to me it felt as if you sometimes put words in for the sake of rhyming, rather than to add to the meaning. Remember, poetry doesn't have to rhyme! Try experimenting with different rhyme schemes, and structures
Overall, the subject is a good idea, and you make some interesting points, so keep on working on it, and you'll be great!