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Young Writers Society



Shaping Faith: Chapter 18, Part 2

by Mea


Stepping into another world seemed far too easy, as simple as allowing Willion to pull her into his Transport Room and choose the Homeworld. He looked at her then, both of them in his Room, his hand hovering over a globe of the Homeworld, all their luggage “piled” around them. Willion had mentally included it in what would be coming with them as they teleported.

“Ready?” he asked, eyes sparkling. Now that he had finally made the decision to come, he had been acting a lot more excited about it.

Analia nodded. Here goes nothing.

He checked his watch. “…Now.”

He selected the spot on the globe, and immediately everything around Analia collapsed into a point. Analia felt as if she were collapsing too; every sense had been cut off and the pressure on all sides was so great she was sure her ribs must be cracking –

And then everything expanded again and vision blossomed, revealing a small room with an open door that lead to a crowded hall. For a split second, Analia looked down and saw that she was inside another person, but before the panic could hit, she fully materialized and was pushed out of the way, stumbling to the floor.

The person – had she really been inside him? – hurried to help her up, apologizing for not having gotten out of the way quickly enough.

No sooner did she say “It’s fine” than Willion came up behind her, shoving some luggage into her hands and ushering her out.

“We’ve got to get out before the next group arrives,” he explained. “There’s barely a minute interval between arrivals.”

They hurried through the door and out into the Central Station. Analia would have stopped right outside the door to gawk, but Willion pulled her out of the way quickly, and they stopped by the side of their cubicle.

While Willion took inventory of their luggage, Analia drank everything in. The station was a huge, circular dome that arched at least fifty feet above their heads and made entirely of glass. Outside, all Analia could see was a never-ending field of white, and if she looked up, she could see snowflakes landing gently on the dome. We really are at the North Pole, she thought.

All around her, people were streaming out of the small cubicles that filled the dome, arranged in lines leading out from the center like spokes on a wheel. Businessmen, hurrying past, talking avidly to someone on their personal holoscreen. Families, mother and father desperately trying to manage screaming children. The tourists were the easiest to spot – they lingered the longest, gawking at the snow-covered ceiling and taking group pictures.

Willion interrupted Analia’s sightseeing. “We’ve got everything. Let’s move out.” He didn’t seem nearly as interested in the dome, but then again, it wasn’t like it was his first time seeing it.

They wound their way through the crowd, dragging their suitcases and making their way to the center of the dome, where an elevator led down to Immigration and the airport. They descended far enough that Analia had to swallow to force her ears to pop.

Immigrations was tedious. The plane ride took even longer, but was a lot more enjoyable after they recalibrated their holoscreens for the Homeworld’s satellites. Analia would have appreciated the irony that it had taken them no time at all to travel an unfathomably large distance, but was taking hours to travel a few thousand miles, but she was too busy losing herself in checking and rechecking the details of her new job and making sure she knew how to get everywhere. Lithen, the capital city, was enormous.

She still didn’t know what she was supposed to be doing for the Absolutes here. Egrand had said they would contact her, but she didn’t know how or when. She only hoped she’d be able to keep her involvement secret from Willion – and everyone else, too.

She was remembering the dome and the feeling of teleporting when a question occurred to her. “Hey, we’re supposed to land at the exact North Pole, right? Then how come we landed in one of the little cubicles? How do they organize that sort of thing?”

Willion shrugged. “They just redirect you somehow, I guess.” He had never been particularly interested in the mechanics of the Three Powers.

Analia frowned, and decided to ask Verona instead.

/That’s definitely odd. I’m not sure how – maybe some sort of localized Blocking field? One that redirects instead of just stopping?/

/I’ll check the Holonet./ But even the Holonet couldn’t give her the specifics, only repeating Verona’s assumption.

They landed a couple of hours later in one of the biggest airports in the galaxy and hurried to catch the tram that would take them to their apartment complex. The airport was huge, with long, concrete runways on the top of the skyscraper, stretching out over the city like an angel’s wings, but with the blur of checking baggage and figuring out where to go, Analia only took a cursory glance out the windows to confirm that yes, they were high above the ground.

When the tram was fully loaded, a bulkhead in the side of the opened and light flooded in. They accelerated slowly, moving smoothly from the station to the rail outside. Analia craned her neck, trying to see out of the window. She prodded Willion. “Come on, move over. Who let you have the window seat, anyway?”

Willion didn’t respond for a moment. He stared downward, then looked back at Analia and croaked, “It’s amazing.”

Analia leaned over and looked out the window. All around her, she saw the tops of enormous skyscrapers, some filled with solar panels, others bursting with rooftop gardens. One even had a full-blown water park, open to the sky.

Then she looked down and saw a jungle. A jungle of steel girders and concrete walkways and tramlines and hovercar lanes. Each skyscraper was a massive tree, and hundreds of walkways and tramlines connected them at all levels as if someone had strung them with concrete tinsel. Analia peered downwards, ignoring the pervading sense of vertigo, but the sunlight petered out before she could see the ground. Was there even a surface down there?

And the people! They carpeted every available surface and walkway, congregating at the entrance to every building and at the tram stations that were marked by a sudden tangling of the lines. Suddenly, Analia understood how one city could hold three billion people.

She sat transfixed for a moment longer, then pulled back. “It’s wonderful,” she said in awe. All those people, living and working and playing around her, and now she was one of them.

Willion nodded fervently. “This is the place where everything happens, Lia. The center of the human race.”

A moment later, the tram started down a steep incline, and they descended into the maze.


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Sun Jul 03, 2016 6:19 am
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Wolfi wrote a review...



Hi Mea! :)

All around her, people were streaming out of the small cubicles that filled the dome, arranged in lines leading out from the center like spokes on a wheel. Businessmen, hurrying past, talking avidly to someone on their personal holoscreen. Families, mother and father desperately trying to manage screaming children.

The last two sentences are fragments, and although I can understand what you were trying to do, stumbling across the "Businessmen" one is awkward when the sentence is incomplete. Try putting the whole thing into one sentence - using dashes; semicolons.
They descended far enough that Analia had to swallow to force her ears to pop.

Huh, I didn't know that's a way to do it. Usually I yawn.
taking hours to travel a few thousand miles

I like this because it shows that in this futuristic world, a few thousand miles is nothing. :p
The airport was huge, with long, concrete runways on the top of the skyscraper, stretching out over the city like an angel’s wings, but with the blur of checking baggage and figuring out where to go, Analia only took a cursory glance out the windows to confirm that yes, they were high above the ground.

Nice descriptions of both the activity going on and the setting.
Willion didn’t respond for a moment. He stared downward, then looked back at Analia and croaked, “It’s amazing.”

I'm having trouble understanding Willion's emotions here. When he's staring downward, I thought that meant he's staring down at his hands or something, and has something to say to Analia. The croaky voice makes me think he's close to tears. Because he seemed to be the "know-it-all" earlier, the guy who had already been to the North Pole dome place, I was surprised to see him awe-struck at the sight of the city. I guess I didn't realize that they were so close to Lithen, a place he's never been, so a little reminder of where they are at this point would be nice.
Suddenly, Analia understood how one city could hold three billion people.

Wow! This city is huuuge.

I agree with Carlito - really nice ending. :)

I'm hoping to see more interaction with this Willion guy. He and Analia didn't seem to talk much, or at least with all the traveling we didn't get to see them hold a normal conversation. In this chapter, he seems more independent and focused on getting to the next place rather than conscientious about Analia's questions or attentive enough to kindly give her the window seat. It's really adorable that he calls her Lia though. :3

Analia has so much ahead of her! Where's she going to stay? Is she going to leave Willion? What do the Absolutes have in store for her? When is she going to meet up again with her sister?

Really nice descriptions in this chapter. For all the monotonous traveling Willion and Analia had to do and all the new places they had to see, I think you handled it excellently in your writing.

I hope to see you again tomorrow! ;)




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Tue Mar 29, 2016 2:40 pm
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Carlito wrote a review...



Hello! It's been so long! I feel like I've been avoiding finishing this off because I don't want it to be over. And I know you said you only want Ch. 19 reviewed, but this is still in the green room so I thought I'd go ahead and pull it out. But I'll try to keep this brief since I know you're pausing work on it and will be overhauling it at some point :)

“Ready?” he asked, eyes sparkling. Now that he had finally made the decision to come, he had been acting a lot more excited about it.

How did he make the decision to come, or when did that happen. And remind me where they're going because it's been a couple of chapters since it was mentioned.

He selected the spot on the globe, and immediately everything around Analia collapsed into a point. Analia felt as if she were collapsing too; every sense had been cut off and the pressure on all sides was so great she was sure her ribs must be cracking –

This reminds me of how Harry feels when he travels by portkey or when he apparates :)

For a split second, Analia looked down and saw that she was inside another person, but before the panic could hit, she fully materialized and was pushed out of the way, stumbling to the floor.

The person – had she really been inside him? – hurried to help her up, apologizing for not having gotten out of the way quickly enough.

No sooner did she say “It’s fine” than Willion came up behind her,

So this person she was inside, I thought it would be Willion because they were traveling together, but he came up behind her, so that makes me think not? Who was this person then? What do they look like, or how can they be set apart so we know it's not Willion? And how did they get involved if they're not traveling with her?

Analia would have stopped right outside the door to gawk, but Willion pulled her out of the way quickly, and they stopped by the side of their cubicle.

While Willion took inventory of their luggage, Analia drank everything in.

So she wasn't allowed to gawk, but then they moved a bit and then she could gawk. And why does Willion appear to be in charge when I thought this was Analia's thing? (he agreed to go later.)

Immigrations was tedious. The plane ride took even longer, but was a lot more enjoyable after they recalibrated their holoscreens for the Homeworld’s satellites. Analia would have appreciated the irony that it had taken them no time at all to travel an unfathomably large distance, but was taking hours to travel a few thousand miles, but she was too busy losing herself in checking and rechecking the details of her new job and making sure she knew how to get everywhere. Lithen, the capital city, was enormous.

I'm glad you summarized here and quickly walked us through what happened as they got from point A to point B so we can get into the good stuff :)

She still didn’t know what she was supposed to be doing for the Absolutes here. Egrand had said they would contact her, but she didn’t know how or when. She only hoped she’d be able to keep her involvement secret from Willion – and everyone else, too.

Innnteresting. Secrets are fun, and secret missions are even more fun, especially when traveling with someone that can't know. I wonder why she wanted him to come along or accepted him coming along when she has this big secret mission. Was it simply for his expertise of the area and for ease of getting there?

She was remembering the dome and the feeling of teleporting when a question occurred to her. “Hey, we’re supposed to land at the exact North Pole, right? Then how come we landed in one of the little cubicles? How do they organize that sort of thing?”

This transition didn't do much for me and it felt a little awkward. We've already moved past the cubicles and their arrival and now we're going back to it. Can she ask earlier? If she's not satisfied with the answer, maybe she ruminates on it for a bit while they're getting from point A to point B and then decides to ask Verona? And since no one has the answer, is it really important to include? It would be if it'll become an important plot point later.

Willion nodded fervently. “This is the place where everything happens, Lia. The center of the human race.”

A moment later, the tram started down a steep incline, and they descended into the maze.

Loved this ending. You did a really nice job capturing the essence of the city and the majesty about it. I can hear the exciting music playing as they near the city in the movie playing in my head :) I'm suuuuper curious to see what awaits them in this city and how this mission is going to end up turning out for Analia!! (Even though I know it's going to be a long time until I find out). :)

I'll leave things there for now, but let me know if you have any questions or if anything I said was confusing, and I'll skip on over to the last chapter! :D




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Wed Mar 16, 2016 11:51 am
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Lightsong wrote a review...



Hey, Youandnovels. I'm here to review in exchange for yours! :D

I like the description when they teleport. It seems like you've done well to make sure every detail of teleportation is visualized--it seems more realistic this way, given that of course, someone would bound to experience something when she teleports. The journey of that teleportation--though brief--is interesting to read. I just like it, okay. :D

While Willion took inventory of their luggage, Analia drank everything in. The station was a huge, circular dome that arched at least fifty feet above their heads and made entirely of glass. Outside, all Analia could see was a never-ending field of white, and if she looked up, she could see snowflakes landing gently on the dome. We really are at the North Pole, she thought.


Ooh, interesting. Nice description of the place. One question though--you mention Analia seeing 'a never-ending field of white' without making her notice people there, so I assume there's no people there except the one in the station? If that's the case, does that mean teleportation is the only way to go here? This is something minor, but I'd like to get some clearance.

This chapter is mostly spent to describe the setting, and I usually don't criticize that kind of thing--probably because setting is the more boring thing for me personally. xD This happens to other novels I read too--whenever I see paragraphs dedicated to describing setting, I just skip it. :D This isn't an issue, I assure you. I'd just like if there's some interaction between Willion and Analia during their trip. That would make a nice switch between settings and characters. Plus, I'd like to know more about Willion.

And that is all! There's nothing much I can say about this chapter, because it seems like a setup to what's going to happen next, and I'm excited to see Analia carrying out her job as a spy. Keep up the good job! :D





A true poet does not bother to be poetical. Nor does a nursery gardener scent his roses.
— Jean Cocteau