Shaping Faith: Chapter 15, Part 1

by Mea

Once again, Verona was surprised by how quickly the Absolutes moved. That night was the last night she slept in that dorm, which over the past few weeks had had an influx of new people, so nearly all the beds were full.

The next day, Verona signed out at the exit where, nearly a month ago, she had landed outside with Lani, dazed and in shock. She carried nothing with her besides the clothes on her back and the timepiece on her wrist - she had no personal items, and she was getting promoted anyway, so her even clothing was out of date.

At least I have Kyle and Merea with me, she thought, glancing back at them as they were scanned by the security probe. Kyle had also accepted the offer to be an assassin, and Merea would be a technician at the base where they would be trained. They would be separated from most of the others, though. Some of them, like Merea and Kyle, were being promoted early, but going to another base. Others were still rookies, and were going to a different base.

Kyle carried a small backpack slung over his shoulder. Verona had seen it by his bed before, but she had no idea what was inside. She assumed it just held personal effects, though she had never seen him looking at them.

Nyra was there to guide them with her Room, though Verona was sure that was just because she needed to head back to the base too. A moment later, the door hissed open, and the small group stepped outside, just out of range of the Blocking field.

Verona’s heart pounded as she felt her connection with Analia blossom into full being again. It was like one of her limbs had been numb and only just regained feeling. Thoughts and emotions flooded over her - Analia had been growing sloppy while the wall was up, letting her emotions spill every which way. A bitter mixture of stress, fatigue, and sadness washed over Verona and dampened her mood.

As quickly as the emotions had come, they receded, penned back inside Analia’s mind. Verona’s stomach twisted with worry. The stress and fatigue she had felt in that brief moment was alarming. Analia must have realized the connection was open again and restrained her emotions. All Verona wanted to do was find out what on earth was wrong, but the fact that Analia hadn’t said anything to her yet didn’t bode well. And could Verona blame her, after their last meeting?

Nyra’s irritated voice interrupted Verona’s thoughts. “Are you coming or not?” she demanded. “Drop your barriers so I can pull you in.”

Verona swallowed. Would the new base have a Blocking field? She made a snap decision and sent one message to Analia. /I love you. And I miss you. Please talk to me./

Then she dropped her mental barriers and allowed Nyra to pull her into her Room of a Thousand Worlds. The world dissolved around her and reformed to show a Room with many more globes than Verona’s, displayed on mahogany shelves. The floor was carpeted with an intricate pattern of leaves and vines in a deep green and red, and the ceiling supported a magnificent chandelier.

“Wow, you’ve been to a lot of places,” Merea said, craning her neck to see all of the globes. “That’s got to be at least half of the Hundred Worlds.”

“I’ve traveled, yes,” said Nyra, busy summoning the globe where strike teams’ base was. “You tend to build up travel time in this line of work.”

“You’ve customized it, too” Kyle pointed out.

“Yes, I’ve always liked the style,” murmured Nyra, ignoring the implied question. “It took a while to shape.” A well-mapped globe floated in front of her, and she was turning it and zooming in to find the right spot. Kyle watched Nyra closely, probably hoping to try and figure out what planet the base was on.

Even the prospect of customizing Rooms of a Thousand Worlds failed to fully engage Verona. She was hardly paying attention to what the others were doing, waiting and half-hoping for a response from Analia.

She felt nothing - no response and hardly any detectable change in mood. Maybe she’s asleep, Verona tried to convince herself. We are on completely different planets - who knows what time it is there.

She knew she was lying to herself - if her own sleep schedules were anything to go by, the base’s artificial day/night rotations were only a few hours off of her old timezone on Rithane. But she’d rather believe the lie than admit that Analia probably wanted nothing to do with her.

Then Nyra found the right place, and the group was whisked away. Verona had only done this once before, and it had felt the same then - like Verona’s insides were collapsing down to a tiny point, then expanding again.

A second later, Verona felt her feet hit the ground, and she pulled herself out of Nyra’s Room, staggering slightly. She tried to catch her balance, but her weight felt all wrong, like she was suddenly fifty pounds lighter. She wound up putting her foot down too hard, and had to stumble another couple of steps before she steadied herself and realized what was wrong.

“It’s the gravity!” she said, surprised, straightening up and looking around. They were inside a dome several yards across. It was made entirely of some hard, clear substance. Outside, there a dusty, pitted landscape as far as the eye could see and a sky populated with stars, more than Verona had ever seen at once before. It was breathtaking.

“We’re on the moon!” Verona heard Merea gasp.

“Don’t be silly,” Kyle scoffed. “It’s just a random planet.”

Truth be told, that had been Verona’s reaction too, but she had quickly realized it was just a little-known planet with no life or atmosphere. Judging by the gravity, it was small too. No wonder no one had tried terraforming it.

A corner of Nyra’s mouth twitched upwards. “Yes, the gravity here is only about half a gee. Don’t worry, inside it’s normal.”

A bulkhead hissed open behind Kyle. “We’re in,” said Nyra. They followed her, taking long, bouncy steps until they passed the bulkhead, at which point gravity normalized.

They walked for several minutes without passing anyone. While that had been normal back at the main base, Verona’s timepiece had downloaded the map for this one when they arrived, and upon purusing it realized that this base was much smaller.

“Where is everyone?” Verona asked.

Nyra shot her a look. “You’re reinforcements, remember?”

Verona swallowed. Dead, then.Or in the infirmary back home.

“We’ve still got a few teams.” Nyra assured her. “They’re probably busy. I’ll show you to your rooms and give you an idea of how we work here.”

“Wait, so you’re staying?” asked Verona.

“Yes, of course,” Nyra said. “Didn’t you know? I’m the head of the strike teams.”

Comments & reviews · 2
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Carlito
Review
Carlito wrote a review · Sun Jan 31, 2016 7:50 pm

Hellooo again! And happy review day! :D

Well this is going to be a lame review because I thought this was a pretty well-done segment! (You and Wolfie with your great writing when you're so young. *jealous* :P)

General thoughts.
This is definitely a transitional scene because nothing earth shattering is happening, but I thought it worked really well. Transitional scenes can feel really dull or out of place and I really liked that you were able to incorporate a lot of world details in to keep things interesting. I wasn't on the edge of my seat (but I don't think you were intending that) but I was captivated the entire time because I was learning new stuff and you did it in an interesting way.

The re-opened connection with Analia is suuuper interesting. I'm really looking forward to her next part so I can see what she thought of that whole thing. I'm also really nervous for Verona now because if this connection stays open, she doesn't know Analia is now a spy. It's been a while since Verona thought or said anything about Analia so I liked seeing that she does still care about her and love her.

Specific thoughts.

That night was the last night she slept in that dorm, which over the past few weeks had had an influx of new people, so nearly all the beds were full.

This sentence felt a little clumsy to me. I didn't like the repetition of "that" (which I underlined). And the part after the first comma felt wordy. If that information needs to be there, I would consider making it another sentence.

The next day, Verona signed out at the exit where, nearly a month ago, she had landed outside with Lani, dazed and in shock.

I love circular things so I really appreciated that the place she is leaving from is the same place she arrived at and then she was with Lani and and now she's kind of doing this for or because of Lani. Nice little connection :)

Verona’s heart pounded as she felt her connection with Analia blossom into full being again. It was like one of her limbs had been numb and only just regained feeling. Thoughts and emotions flooded over her - Analia had been growing sloppy while the wall was up, letting her emotions spill every which way. A bitter mixture of stress, fatigue, and sadness washed over Verona and dampened her mood.

This was great. I loved how you described how Verona felt in this moment and what it was like to have this connection back again.

The world dissolved around her and reformed to show a Room with many more globes than Verona’s, displayed on mahogany shelves. The floor was carpeted with an intricate pattern of leaves and vines in a deep green and red, and the ceiling supported a magnificent chandelier.

You're really a great describer. You show a lot with not a lot of words :)

“You’ve customized it, too” Kyle pointed out.

“Yes, I’ve always liked the style,” murmured Nyra, ignoring the implied question.

I didn't get what the implied question was.

But she’d rather believe the lie than admit that Analia probably wanted nothing to do with her.

Really a nice showing of her emotions here. Simple, but says a lot.

Then Nyra found the right place, and the group was whisked away.

I would consider expanding this a bit more. Where was this on the map? Was there anything said before they were "whisked away"? How are they "whisked away"? What does that loook like?

Verona had only done this once before, and it had felt the same then - like Verona’s insides were collapsing down to a tiny point, then expanding again.

Kind of reminds me of apparation :)

Truth be told, that had been Verona’s reaction too, but she had quickly realized it was just a little-known planet with no life or atmosphere.

How did she come to this realization?

Let me know if you have any questions or if anything I said was confusing (even though this was mostly praise :P) and I'll see you in the next chapter!! :D

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Wolfi
Review
Wolfi wrote a review · Sun Jan 31, 2016 12:59 am

Happy Review Day!!!

Shaping Faith time! Look at you, on Chapter 15 already... Congrats!

That night was the last night she slept in that dorm, which over the past few weeks had had an influx of new people, so nearly all the beds were full.

Woah, really? I mean, I guess that makes sense, put perhaps you could have mentioned that a little earlier. You want to make sure that you aren't telling this story too quickly. If you're summarizing what's happened over weeks, that might not be a good sign. Don't be afraid to slow down and write about some of the little details, like this. Writing about some of Verona's brief interactions with minor characters, like the newbies in her dorm, will help with the authenticity factor. I'm sure Verona's surrounded by different people every day, not just Kyle and Merea and the Absolute officials.
Kyle had also accepted the offer to be an assassin, and Merea would be a technician at the base where they would be trained.

Again, I feel like you're going along to quickly. I'd like to hear how and why Kyle was promoted, too, and how relieved he must be that Merea is sticking by his side. Slow down, think about how your characters are feeling, and describe a few scenes instead of simply summarizing them like here. On one hand, I love that you're not info-dumping or thinning out the plot with too much detail, but I'd also love some more of those rich, character-developing scenes.
the small group stepped outside, just out of range of the Blocking field.

I had kinda forgotten what a Blocking field was, so I was taken by surprise when Verona suddenly had access to Analia again. I'd just hint at the definition in this sentence so that you can remind your readers what a blocking field is, like this: "...just outside the range of the Blocking field, opening Verona's mental barriers for the first time in over a month."
/I love you. And I miss you. Please talk to me./

I love that!
A bulkhead hissed open behind Kyle.

A what? o.o Does it have something to do with gravity? *looks it up* Oh. Huh. That's a weird name for a barrier. :p Maybe hint at that thing's definition too?

Interesting. I wasn't expecting all this to happen so fast! Looks like Verona's already on the assassin job.

I don't know how I feel about this part of the chapter. It's written by you, so of course it's very good, but I found that it was kind of confusing for me, just because there were hardly any explanations. A lot of things happened, but it all happened too quickly and I had difficulty following everything.

First, the Room of a Thousand Worlds. How does it really work? I think that maybe way back when Lani rescued Verona, she might have used that Room to teleport them elsewhere, but I definitely need a refresher for this chapter. Start with what the room feels like. What's the lighting like? You mention a chandelier, but unless you describe something like "the thousands of glimmering diamonds casting little dancing lights on the walls," the image won't stick with the reader very well. Is there any sound? Any certain taste in the air that's different from normal life or any of Verona's Rooms?

What did Nyra mean about their team being reinforcements? I didn't realize they were already going out on the field of duty so soon. When they started traveling, I figured they were going to be heading to the Absolute's new hidden headquarters, where everyone else would be. I thought there'd be more training in store for them, but it looks like they're already preparing to defend this desolate base. I'm thinking that this is an Absolute base that was discovered and attacked, but I really don't know.

Anyway, I really like that Verona finally got the chance to contact her beloved twin, even though it was a fruitless attempt. She still got to see a snapshot of the turmoil that was whirling through Analia's brain. I'm looking forward to seeing Analia's perspective and what she was thinking when Verona suddenly popped up in her subconscious and sent the message.

Onto the next part! If you'd like me to elaborate on anything I said, just let me know. :)

I think I'm bad at explaining things like this. xD So no, the base they're going to isn't under attack. The were basically on an important, dangerous mission that failed, and now most of the strike teams are dead or injured.

As for the Room...it's basically a brain hack to allow them to access their teleporting magic. The Room has the same basic look for everyone - tall, circular, with shelves that have globes on them lining the walls - but some people customize them. All you do to teleport somewhere is pick a globe and choose where on the globe you want to go. This is restricted by your own knowledge of the places involved. (Though you can only do that in your own Room, not someone else's.)

Anyway, I'll try and make it less confusing in the future. It doesn't help that I keep changing things. xD

That's really cool! :o Don't be afraid to do a little bit of info-dumping like what you said right there. Just that little explanation helped me understand things a lot better.



I say Wolf, for all wolves are not of the same sort; there is one kind with an amenable disposition – neither noisy, nor hateful, nor angry, but tame, obliging and gentle, following the young maids in the streets, even into their homes. Alas! Who does not know that these gentle wolves are of all such creatures the most dangerous!
— Charles Perrault