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E - Everyone

Awful or Awesome?

by MeAndMyThoughts

When it is 'aw', it is 'full';

When it is 'awe', it is 'some'.

I know there's a difference of 'e',

But little to nothing it means to me,

For what a thought which I had, 

Excess of anything is always bad.

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802 Reviews

Points: 18884
Reviews: 802

Sun Jan 29, 2017 12:52 am
Dracula wrote a review...

This is a pretty cool little piece! I'd never even thought about how similar the words are.
As I read it, I was able to hold a steady beat. In fact, it's got a bit of a Dr Seuss feel to it.
A couple things to think about are: Could you swap a pair of 'it is' for 'it's' at the start? Could you rewrite the second to last line? That line does need some rewording, it doesn't make sense. Maybe here's a thought which I had? I don't really think an excess of anything is always bad (what about love or happiness?) but that's just me and doesn't subtract from the poem. Well done!


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Thanks for telling about 'it's'. I didn't do it because then those lines will get short and also those two lines don't have any rhythm. I know it is an abrupt start of the poem, but it was needed. Also about the second last line I have already given the reason (I can understand you are busy today). And personally I think that excess of love and happiness is a sign of something bad. There is a limit of loving someone in this materialistic World.

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3746 Reviews

Points: 2212
Reviews: 3746

Sat Jan 28, 2017 2:35 am
Snoink wrote a review...

This is a really cute poem that reminds me of some of the children's poems that I would read when I was younger -- something quick, clever, and has a little moral at the end.

My main suggestions would be to add some articles, which will make it roll off of the tongue a little easier! So...

When it is an 'aw', it is 'full';
When it is an 'awe', it is 'some'.
I know there's a difference of an 'e',

For some reason, this sounds better to me as an native English speaker, though I can't tell you why. It just seems better!

My one nitpick is this line:

For what a thought which I had,

I'm not really sure what you mean by this line. It doesn't make sense and I'm really not sure what you're trying to say in this line. It's the "For what a" part that is really confusing. It just doesn't make sense. What are you trying to say here?

Still, it's a really cute poem! I did like it a lot, especially the ending in its little moral.

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Thanks for the review. I purposely removed 'an' actually. 'For' is used as 'because' here.

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1080 Reviews

Points: 125
Reviews: 1080

Thu Jan 26, 2017 11:44 am
Kaylaa wrote a review...

This is Nikayla here for a review!

So this is an interesting way to form a poem--off of a play on words. Nonetheless, let's jump further into what you have here with the content of the poem. It doesn't really have a lot of depth to it, and really, it doesn't need to. The poem feels a little awkward in that the play on words stretches it a bit, but it works for what it is.

I kind of took this poem in that the first line explains that it's full of "Aww" in that it's full of something not that great, and then in the second line, we see that when it is some, it is not completely full of "awe", but still has it. This is a hard poem to critique since there's nothing really wrong with it in terms of how the humor is or goes. I do have to say that it feel cluttered when it comes to all the punctuation and I think you could space it out or clear it out so that it looks neater than what it does now.

If I do really have something to critique, it's the structure of the poem which again, it feels kind of cluttered to me. I think that changing up the line length and playing around with the flow would be beneficial for this poem, but other than that, it's mostly a fun and silly poem that has a play on words for the main joke and content. The end of the poem gets across a worthy message by saying too much of anything is bad, though I think the delivery of it could be a little stronger.

All in all, a fun poem! I hope I helped and have a great day.

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Thanks! Actually I like to convey strong messages in a funny way.

Kaylaa says...

That does sound like a lot of fun! ^^

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Thanks. Would you like to review some of my other works which you haven't done yet?

You have to be a bit of a liar to tell a story the right way.
— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind