Victory, not everyone can claim;
Victors, can never be the same;
High, not every time needs to be your aim;
Hunger, the biggest cause to blame.
Sometimes, it's for the best to understand;
At times, the opponent has the bigger hand;
Every time, not the tallest you're able to stand;
Anytime, siege can occur on your land.
Good, when you can forever be tough;
Better, when you can take everything rough;
Best, when you can run even with a scuff;
Godly, when you know 'Consolation is Enough'.
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139,801 Literary Works • 672,771 Reviews
HEELLO Me and My Thoughts,
A poem about how victory doesn't last. I agree, it doesn't. Anything can happen the next day, the next minute, the next hour. So you have to be prepared. Don't celebrate too early or it will backfire on you.
This poem was short, concise, and it rhymes! Personally, rhyming gives me a better understanding of the story because I can follow a certain pattern, a certain rhythm. This is also a good life lesson. Often, people think that victory makes "The End" and "Happily Ever After". Then this one unseen thorn in the plot infects the wound and the victim will die if not cured in time. And I agree, sometimes comfort from the friend makes the real difference.
Short, but very good poem. "Good, Better, Best, and Godly" was a nice ending. I always look for the pattern or the repeat of phrases in poems. It gives a greater meaning to the over all passage.
Victory is yours,
Night Kaizer
Thanks. But actually I wanted to convey that victory doesn't matter every time, and that we should not get demotivated if we don't win.
Nice work man..It's quite impressive and inspiring.Keep coming up with some more poems like this
Thanks bro. You're really fast.
Hello there, Luata here for a review. Welcome to our little writing community, I noticed you're a new-ish member!! I hope you enjoy your stay!
Anyway, since you have had a review from me yet, let me explain myself. First, you are the author, not me, so feel free to take any suggestions, contest them, or ignore them as you see fit. Next, I divide my review into sections so it's easier to read and if something doesn't make sense or if you have questions, feel free to drop me a comment or PM me. I'd be more than happy to chat. Onward and upward!!
Overview
Overall, the concept of your poem was good. Flow is a very important part of poetry writing (to my personal aesthetic) so I had a little bit of trouble reading your poem. I used to write rhymed poetry all the time, but I'm finding myself leaning towards free-form poetry because I had the same problem you seem to have. The rhyme scheme makes your writing seem almost forced, it lacks the fluidity that you could have without the rhyme scheme (but again, that's just my personal opinion).
Grammar
I'm not always the best at grammar, but I'll give it my best shot here since I'm your first review on this work.
I understand that you're using the last word to fit in with your rhyme scheme, but it doesn't seem to fit in with the rest of your work. "Scuff" usually implies a hit or a blow? Sorry, I'm too lazy to google it, but I think that's right. It doesn't really make a lot of sense with the context of that line, but again, I understand it's because it fits nicely into your rhyme scheme that you're using it. Personally, I would delete "even" from that line as well.
Other than that, I didn't spy any other grammar errors. My person aesthetic is having trouble coming to terms with all of the semi-colons, but I'm assuming that's a style element that you decided to use?
Not entirely sure what to name this header
I really liked the idea of your poem. You have something interesting here, so pick it up and hold it tight and run with it. I'd love to see you rework this poem (Please, please, please pm me if you do).
I definitely look forward to reviewing your future works!
~Luata
Thanks for the review. About 'scuff'%u2014I saw it's meaning on a dictionary app and it had one meaning %u2014to walk without lifting your feet. I believe now the meaning would be clear. As for the rhyme, I have tried but I am bad at free verse. I will improve while using rhymes, don't worry. And as for semi-colons, I used them because the lines are asking for pause. And tell me one thing%u2014I gave space but it didn't come. I divided the poem into 3 stanzas. Just putting it in one destroys the look. Please tell me.