War then, war now, the question is just 'How'?
To stop it from bleeding, To progress the healing;
To glue the torn, to bring smile on a scorn;
To stop it all, to erect those for good who fall.
War 'hi' life 'bye', the question is then 'Why'?
Its not for the thrill, then why all the kill?
Its not for fun, then why something you can never outrun?
Its not a 'God's Gift', then why such a rift?
War now, war then, The question is just 'When';
Will we truly live, will we truly thrive;
Will it ever end, will death be no more our friend;
Will together ever we cry, will ever we do not just 'say' how, when and why?
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139,801 Literary Works • 672,771 Reviews
HEELLO Me and My Thoughts,
A poem on the why, when, and hows of war. I have to say, this is a fantastic poem. Short, deep, rhymes, and has a pattern. Four things that I look for in poetry. You just hit them all!
When you explained the "How" it seemed more like the "why". "To stop it from bleeding, to progress the healing...." These are like answers to the question "why do we need war?" It's just a tip.
Over all though, this is the perfect poem! Making the passage short attracts the reader's interest- people's schedules are jam packed and they only have a little amount of free time. Rhyming the poem while hitting some key points is also a great way to get readers to keep reading. I personally enjoy poems that have rhythm and pattern. Makes more sense for me that way.
Very Nice Job,
Night Kaizer
Thanks so much!!!!!
Beautiful!
This poem is excellent. It poses a question that can connect with people from all over, people who've been affected by war. The lines don't rhyme within the stanzas, but they have an sort of rhythm that carries them through. I love the rhetorical manner of your sentences. I also love the repetition you use with each different stanza, and the effect it has on the poem.
A few comments though; ' To errect those for good who fall ' is a strange way of phrasing it. I understand it must be hard to keep the rhythm in such a poem. but if you can come up with a better way of say that it would improve your poem. Also, 'to bring smile on a scorn' doesn't make sense , so maybe you could think up another way to say that as well. Also, 'to progress the healing' is another dysfunctional statement. Maybe 'to instigate' or 'to allow it to' rather than 'progress' it.
Other than that it's a beautiful poem, and very inspiring.
Keep Writing!
~Lucy
Thanks for reviewing. I will keep in mind on phrasing the lines better so they don't feel weird. I will use better words. The poem was divided into three stanzas but it is showing as one. Maybe it's my first time posting on a site so I got it wrong. I will try to write better.
To create a space between each stanza just enter and put like five spaces in between the stanzas.
Oh my. So many spaces!!!! Well thanks.
Anniepoo103 here for a short review.
Wow this poem is really deep. I feel like it is so true. All of the government officials and people in suits who think they know everything ll act sympathetic but, in all seriousness they have no idea about the hate they are breeding.
I feel like when you said "War 'hi' life 'bye', the question is then 'Why'?" you should have worded it a bit differently. The sense I got as a reader was that the rhyme was forced in a way. Maybe, instead of that you should go in nd write something that is a bit more flowy. Something along the lines of " When war appears and says 'hi', we might as well look at life and say 'bye', afterwords, we look at each other and ask ourselves 'why'"
Alright now for some positive happiness. (if that is such a thing) Your poem seems to be well written and I didn't see any grammar mistakes but, I may have overlooked them if they are there ( i am a bit tired) You seemed to keep the rhyme scheme pretty well and you got your point across. Your poem makes me think of a song I heard once by Steve Bazarra. It is called "Free men" I would check it out. Anyways he made a good point also, "If we never teach another child to hate we will truly be free men"
Anyways, thanks for the nice poem, I really enjoyed reading ti.
-Anne Throckmrotn
Thanks for the motivational words. I will take care on not writing lines which seem as forced. But I have to make it rhyme. I don't know why but I like rhyming. Thanks by the way.
no problem man