Smiling with starry teeth and black gaps,
I let the morning cold creep in.
These days will pass me by.
I bend cradles of marrow and tendons
to the arch of bleeding suns,
smiling with starry teeth and black gaps.
Drink hours by the glass,
spilling sand and laughter on my lap.
These days will pass me by.
I’m aching. I have his memory rub my back.
Easing the trembling, as I stare down the ravenous night;
Smiling with starry teeth and black gaps.
Losing my name to the breeze; my voice rasps.
And a face haunts me in a mirror.
These days will pass me by.
Visions: I’m young now, and blazing.
Though we’re all descendent lights wishing for tomorrow; we’ll all fade the same.
Smiling with starry teeth and black gaps –
these days will pass me by.
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141,251 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
This sort of poem is exactly what i feel is needed to inspire our generation into engaging with poetry. I felt an underlying theme of being young and wanting to grasp that, with the fear of one day being old. That is just my interpretation, but nevertheless, some enjoyable imagery and the last line resonated strongly with me "these days will pass me by." When you take a second to step back from the carnage we cause as youth, you realise the heavy impact we are having on ourselves, yet there is no other way to enjoy ourselves when we are repressed by the representation of the media. if its not obvious, I enjoyed the poem.
Well, that just makes the review ten times better. Haha, thank you very much. I'm delighted that you enjoyed it!
Hi there!
I love this--you've got some great imagery. But! I feel like you lose it a bit in this verse:
Like you've got "a face haunts me in a mirror" (p.s., I would change that to "a face haunts me in THE mirror," because it reads a little awkwardly as is), but that doesn't provide me with a specific image like "starry teeth and black gaps" or "cradles of marrow and tendons" or "spilling sand and laughter on my lap" (I particularly love that one).
I think the rest of the poem is really strong already, but that one stanza is weak and a bit disappointing after the rest. So I'd try to add more specific imagery to it to put it at the level of the rest of the poem, and then I think you're golden.
Blue
Great! Okay, I'll take heed to that advice...thank you for the review, Blue!