It seems like you walk even faster on the way to Hell
(the skies are bleak and bright).
Backwards, even. Skipping
(feet falling soft -- rose petals -- on sterile, igneous ground)
like a child on the heating coal and brimming stone.
Everything goes backwards. We’re not talking,
We’re moaning in some dirge of a language.
We wake to sleep. Sleep to wake.
(godless now though all the while repentant)
there’s a whistling in my ears, as the world
(a crumbling history of skin and taint)
breaks it’s own axis to follow me along
this broken road I’ve paved in earlier days.
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140,568 Literary Works • 673,460 Reviews
Hi there, I really like your poem. The tone of voice and the way you convey the poem was so enthralling. Let me make some analysis on it and tell you more what makes you poem interesting here.
THEME
Like most of poem, the theme of your poem is all about life that leads to destruction which is described as hell. In fact it spent with needless things.
DENOTATION AND CONNOTATION
The poem uses a lot of figurative elements which have hidden meanings in each sentence. Metaphor used in the poem are easy to understand as some already seem familiar.
Your poem does have amazing imagery. It evokes the reader senses and leaving an impact.
Keep it up!
Amazing, the way you have written this is certainly an eye catcher. The mood of this poem and the way it flows, is both extremely unique and powerful. I enjoyed reading it and it captured me completely. My personal favorite line was - " We're moaning in some dirge of a language.", I feel like this just describes the entire world. We speak but it does us no good. Anyways, very powerful poem.~ :3
Right, this has one of the best opening lines I have seen
In all honesty, I was expecting to start reading a professional novel.
I am jealous of this line: It seems like you walk even faster on the way to Hell.
The parenthesis works wells well in between your lines, although, they could be equally effective without the brackets present.
‘We wake to sleep. Sleep to wake.’ – This work has a very paradoxical feel to it which I like, it makes me unsure of what to think or believe as a reader and this uncertainty is somewhat liberating.
‘this broken road I’ve paved in earlier days.’ And this final line would suggest that this creation is something of the narrator’s own meaning and doing.
Very intriguing concept, brilliant opening line.
I really love this work.
Good job.
Keep writing.
XD
Wow, is the word that I can use to describe this poem. This is amazingly well written. Good job on writing it. Emotions flood from this piece of poetry- sad, hope, despair. This poem does a good job showing the different emotions in a series of different ways- through the stanzas that they are held in and by the word chose. Either way this is a good way to get a number of emotions out through a series of words. This is really a great poem and I am glad that I stopped by and read it.