Dear Diary,
An odd happenstance has taken stance. I am thirteen...not in the sense that I am a number, but that I have acquired thirteen years--as of yesterday, I might add. Along with this number, I have also acquired some interesting body accessories. A forest has sprouted in circumference to my anus. Dense and greasy, this odd bushel has a crusty appearance and smells rather of spoiled cauliflower. The demarcation point is just above my pubic square. What exactly am I to do with this forest? Chop it down? Set fire to it? Water it? Fondle it? The answer pends upon further investigation.
In other news--not entirely different news--some what different news, like news that's in the same newspaper but on a different page, news, I have began to produce odor like never before. I raised a hand in class the other day and immediately regretted it. The damp region of my under arm had taken on a smell not unlike that of a deceased skunk. Am I to be forced into the tub on a daily basis?! What happened to the days when I could go weeks without maintenance?
Furthermore, a smattering of white-headed obscenities have arisen on my chin and forehead. My complexion has grown dewy, most certainly worse for wear. Extracting these cream filled face-buttons only seems to make them worse; I pinched one of the pinkish balloons and woke up the next morning with two more in its place. If this infestation continues, I fear I will soon resemble a three cheese pizza.
There is one last peculiarity I will mention. The opposite gender has an influence over me. I haven't the foggiest where this power came from or why it affects me so. It would seem part of me temporarily turns to stone upon witnessing a full bodied female. The unfathomable stiffness also occurs randomly and without warning. I stepped on a toy dinosaur: it happened. I walked past an intricately designed water fountain: it happened. I farted with my legs crossed: it happened.
My only theory is that I am from outer space. Forests growing out my bum hole, malodorous waves emanating from my underarms, oozing little eyes spawning on my forehead, and a stiffness in my pants that could slay the toughest dragon. I haven't a more reasonable explanation. I, Radish McArthur, am an alien.
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139,286 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
XD XD XD, lol lol! I am laughing so hard. Also giggling.
Ummm.......... I don't know how to respond to this because I am laughing so hard I can hardly think!! Lol. Ok, when I started reading this I thought, "Oh well this will be interesting considering it is a diary entry." Then as I read on, I became more and more into this story and it was addicting to read because of the funny quotes with the whiteheads and all that.
I could relate to the whiteheads because I have always made fun of my sister with all of her zits and whiteheads, then when I got them I was so annoyed with then I used duct-tape to take them off.
Things I would change:
"The damp region of my under arm had taken on a smell not unlike that of a deceased skunk." I would change it to, "The damp region of my under harm has adopted a spell that could scare away a skunk."
"What exactly am I to do with this forest? Chop it down? Set fire to it? Water it? Fondle it?"
This part was awkward and kind of weird on how you said it, I would of changed it to, "What am I exactly to do with this forest? Chop it down? Set fire to it? Water it?" I would take the fondle out of the sentence because it is extremely awkward for me, but that is my personal opinion.
What I liked the most about it:
I liked the most about this Short Story was the way that you took growing up business and made it funny and you joked about it. You sounded like you were just talking about this to your friend in a joking way.
I also liked on how you did not use inappropriate words in describing different parts because it to me made it more mature and more like it would be appropriate for all audiences, youth, young adult, and adults.
I wish you can write more funny and joking pieces for all of your audiences.
~PoeticCowboy
........................................................ I- uh- well... how do I even respond to what I just read. That was pretty friggin' hilarious.
Hey, MargoSeuss! I'm here to review your story today!
General assessment:
XD
...Yep, that pretty much sums my reaction. This story is flawless. You have a wonderful sense of humor, the diary entry flows smoothly and neatly, and I found this to be, while definitely one of the grosser things I've read, easily one of the most hilarious (wow, you seem to be exceptional at this kind of humor, it's awesome. XD). I love how you develop your comedic elements through the machinations and descriptions of the main character, from his talking about his 'forest,' and what to do with it, to the three-cheese pizza remark (having picked many pimples and acne before, I can attest to having felt like this at least once), and the conclusion of the main character at the end of the story. You truly allow your MC to shine in this diary entry, and this was something I definitely enjoyed reading from start to finish. All in all, this is a solid, capable story that is a testament to your excellent sense of humor.
Some of my favorite lines are, as follows:
Perfect opening. It captures your readers interest, lures them into the plot of the story, and establishes your MC's personality quite vividly.
Gross, true, and hilarious.
I can definitely attest to this, which is what makes it all the more hilarious. XD
Wow, you managed to end this fantastic story in a perfect way. Not only do you show your MC's logic process and the workings of his mind, but you provide an excellent comedic addition to an already hilarious story, amplifying the effect and making it all the more profound.
Concluding Statements:
As it stands, this story is fantastic. While I would suggest removing the ", news," part in "like news that's in the same newspaper but on a different page, news," because it's a little unnecessarily repetitive and the sentence would flow just as well without it, and "it happened" can stand as a sentence on its own, so I would suggest changing those three colons in the second-to-last paragraph with semi-colons, I loved this story. In all respects, from the quirky and imaginative MC and plot to story and theme, this is a wonderful humor short story, and I enjoyed this immensely. Well done!
-Silver
P.S. ewww, butt fungus.
I suspect this Radish is the sibling of Turnip from @steampowered's Dream Sequence
Hello MargoSeuss! CHRISSY321 here to review this hilariously awkward diary entry you have written!
This was definitely interesting! I hate to say that the title peaked my curiosity, but it did! I just knew this writing would be interesting from the get-go. All of the detail-though I feel bad for the diary, for it can not tell Radish- TMI!
There was one thing that I saw that I think you should fix:
Here I can definitely see what you are saying, but I think what you meant to do, or what would make more sense to have there is looking like a Pepperoni Pizza. It makes more sense because you are talking about acne, red spots-like pepperoni pizza? Sorry, this just stood out and I really needed to say something XD
The last paragraph literally made me laugh out loud. I love the way that you put it together and wrapped it up, it was just too funny and a great way to end this!
Overall this definitely was an interesting piece of work, but very humorous and enjoyable. Great job and I hope to see you write more!
~Chrissy <3