In a state of hunger, I devoured the contents of an alphagetti tin. Apparently the gusto with which I consumed this cylindrical paste did not fancy well with my tummy. I did a dance of displeasure to the rim of my toilet and spewed words into its depths. This pink juice, mixed with the pickle of my fried platter selection, swirled amongst a stew of words--beautiful words. I hastily ripped a nap from its dispenser and dabbled the poem into its fibers.
Fluenza Florentine; a fountain of flush,
Fevering your forehead; filling your tush.
Oh, Sir Caper Cannette! Arbitrary feed.
Cry not, Dear Gastro. Silence your greed.
The stanza was a foreshadow: a shadow to come. That dark monster I figured took rent to my closet really dwelled from within. Clammy and filled with the most malodorous pearls, I embraced my trembling body and embellished the seat of my pants.
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140,505 Literary Works • 673,261 Reviews
Short but funny, MargoSeuss. I laughed at this the other night so my sister has to ask me why I was laughing like mad! So dispenser = tissue, words = ermm.. poop, and stanza = diarrhea?
XD I don't blame the alphagetti, just the sauce. And hey, dude, creativity pops out in the most unexpected moments! Which, in your case, is when you're pooping in the toilet. This poem really made my day, and I won't ever regret reading this! Kudos to you, dude!
Hello, steampowered here with a review!
… wow. That was definitely interesting. I don’t think I’ve ever read something quite as unique as this and it’s going to be difficult to leave you with any constructive feedback, considering I’m still laughing, but I’ll see what I can do.
I think I lost it here. XD
Maybe this is because I’m British, but I didn’t understand what a “nap” was. Did you mean a paper towel or a piece of toilet paper? Maybe you need to rephrase this, because I just got totally confused by this word. My only other comment is – ew! That’s disgusting!
The poem was hilarious. It’s kind of tempting to put it on the bathroom door…
Trying to give you properly writerly feedback, the only thing I can really say is that it was coherent and well-written, with a healthy (hmm, healthy) dose of humour. This really deserves to make it into the spotlight, so I hope people continue to read and like this!
Oh dear… I got the feeling this review wasn’t very helpful. Feel free to let me know if you need anything else reviewed though!
Keep on writing and being awesome!
-steam-
Yes, nap was paper towel. Perhaps if I changed the word nap to towel? What do you think?
I think that might be less confusing.
Or possibly paper towel, so the reader isn't left thinking, "Why is it dispensing cloth towels"?
I'm not entirely sure why you wrote this...um...segment...but I laughed anyways. Clever if not meant to be for the ridiculous. If you expound upon this piece, I wouldn't call it a waste of time. Truthfully, the elegance of your speech paired with the raunchy nature of the piece is intriguing. I want a plot, I want characters! What is the reason for this stanza? Why did it come into your head? haha anyways, it was an "edible" read that I do not wish to regurgitate!