Tar spills blood and chalk unto twilight,
saturating grit and concrete canvases.
Young man wipes crust from weary eyes,
the iris spills into a world unkempt,
and he smiles.
-
Unfair the moans of the prejudiced masses,
for sins upon generations unknown to the boy--
alone he will be held accountable,
beaten in tongues of exasperated lies,
and yet he smiles.
-
Disdaint becomes the linguist's voice,
echoed by the brain-dead follower--
slaves put in cages that cannot exceed the mind.
Young man watches society spoil,
and still he smiles.
-
Fallacies of civilization tire the mind,
braving the brew of the tenemant high.
Yet not well enough to see sanity saved,
and so he takes another look at humanity,
fading away as the wild dove sings...
-
"For souls of men to see the sun,
the sun must first see souls undone--
and should impatience wear them thin,
such souls fall prey to twilights grin."
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Canary word: Present
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125,022 Literary Works • 672,759 Reviews
Hiya! Review Day Review Mode Activated!
Okay, wonderful! Im not even gonna rate this but if i had too it'd get a 100000000000000000000 out of 100. See what I mean? Broke the scale! This had amazing, EVERYTHING. LOVED every bit of it, it was just wonderful. I know I'm probably the only one up at this hour but review day is important and I can't take sleep or eat breaks. I haven't eaten since 6:30 this evening. Seriously! Anyway, keep writing because I can't wait to hear more because your just such a great writer! OWLS MOWING GRASS THIS IS EPIC! I was lucky that I picked this poem to review and I don't know how you did it but I am dazzled!
Signing off,
PonyzandPokez
This is perfect. Can I please steal your vocabulary?! Your choice of words is impeccable and the imagery is faultless. I wish I'd written this- it's one of the best things I've read on this site. I'd like to give some kind of constructive criticism at this point but I can't find anything negative to say! Please post more of your work on here in the future- I'd love to read it.
WOW! That's some high praise haha, you are much, MUCH too kind. No worries I have dozens of poems, some short stories and a novel (work in progress) all ready to post to the site. I will definitely be returning the favor of your kind review.
This was beautiful!
I loved every last line!
The imagery was amazing and the way you worded everything was perfectly done! All the little details you put in really made a difference.
I don't see any errors.
"Unfair the moans of the prejudiced masses,
for sins upon generations unknown to the boy--
alone he will be held accountable,
beaten in tongues of exasperated lies,
and yet he smiles."
This was my favorite part. I'm not to sure why, but I know that when I read it, it sent shivers down my spine.
You did an amazing job on this!!! Keep it up!!
Thank you very much for your kind words, I am glad you enjoyed it!