Mother Swells with Sorrow

Hey there! Cool poem here. Here's a review for you, representing team blue as we continue to push through this month's review day.

The very first thing that hit me about this poem was your use of interesting metaphors to describe the mother falling into sorrow. My favorite one was the image of the pen against cobalt canvas. I likes this one the most because I think it spoke best to the plight of the subject of the poem. Although times maybe hard and although the canvas may be rough, the mother always keeps writing and never loses her loose and self control.

I don't have much to criticize here, but if you did decide to edit this at all, maybe you could go ahead and expand on your already-awesome metaphors. Try to add even more color to this poem.

Happy review day and always keep writing!

*whistles* Awesome scenery description of the ocean there. What I get after reading this is the picture of a cast and glimmering ocean with slow tides and yellow sand. The very embodiment of contentment, if this was meant to be a dark poem. Then...I am afraid I did not perceive any darkness. Only sunlight, the ocean and the soft wind. If you managed to paint such a picture then your imagery description is pretty accurate and sharp.

I especially love the second stanza when you compare the waves and tides to someone outlining it out with a graceful move of their poised pen. Once again, beautiful metaphor and personification.

Which brings me to your ending stanzas, I felt the last two could be developed into something much more. Go deeper into it, maybe another stanza or two. Because the ending felt a bit abrupt.

However, this is still a wonderful poem about nature. Keep up the good work and best of luck in future writing!

-S.s

Hey there! Purple here to give you a review! Let's get started. First off, welcome to YWS!!! I see you are fairly new.
Anyways, this is a beautifully dark poem with a blunt ending that I just love. You have great imagery and then at the end you just wrap all of your emotions into one statment. Just a few nitpicks/suggestions.

"Sweet languor for the subtle undefined,

etching waning lines into a subtle tide,"

I'm not sure if this was your intention, but 'subtle' is said twice. To show the importance of using that word with another, I would suggest chosing one of those lines to use it in and not both. The repetition isn't favorible in this situation.

Also, a question. The title implies this is about your mom, yet in the substance of the poem you didn't directly mention her. You only address her in the last line. I understand this when I see the title, but what if that wasn't there? Then, someone else might assume this is more about the ocean and close-mindedness and not your mother in particular. I would suggest you go much deeper into your subject. The beautiful imagery on top of detail would be absolute magic. I'm excited to hear from you and keep up the great work!
Have a nice day/night!
~Purple